Families of SOs Community Group
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I've been a bit hesitant in sharing this because I'm not sure what response i will get, but seeing how understanding everyone seems to be here I've decided to share it. Some years ago I met a great man who was very kind, gentle and considerate. He took care of me when I was down sick and always was there when I needed help. I fell deeply in love with him, however we were not just lovers but also very best friends. There was never a moment that he ever treated me unkind. Never spoke a bad word to me. He really made me very happy.
Well into the relationship I found out that he enjoyed watching porn. It didn't really bother me since millions of men and women enjoy porn. However, one night I walked in on him while he was watching CP. Needless to say I was floored and shocked by this. My first thought was to hit him, but then when I saw how ashamed and upset he was, so I decided to listen to his explanation. I still saw the sweet guy that made me so happy. We sat down and he explained to me that he was not attracted to children and would never even think of touching one, rather it was the porn value of the videos that excited him. It was just a visual turn on, but in no way did he have an actual desire for children.
It took me a long time to think it over, but after some time I realized that he was still the man I loved. I thought back on my uncle and what a good man he actually was, and decided not to judge or condemn this man. Long short, we communicated and worked it out. I am so glad I did because he gave me some very happy years until his passing from cancer. I've never really shared this because I know what people would think and say.
Well into the relationship I found out that he enjoyed watching porn. It didn't really bother me since millions of men and women enjoy porn. However, one night I walked in on him while he was watching CP. Needless to say I was floored and shocked by this. My first thought was to hit him, but then when I saw how ashamed and upset he was, so I decided to listen to his explanation. I still saw the sweet guy that made me so happy. We sat down and he explained to me that he was not attracted to children and would never even think of touching one, rather it was the porn value of the videos that excited him. It was just a visual turn on, but in no way did he have an actual desire for children.
It took me a long time to think it over, but after some time I realized that he was still the man I loved. I thought back on my uncle and what a good man he actually was, and decided not to judge or condemn this man. Long short, we communicated and worked it out. I am so glad I did because he gave me some very happy years until his passing from cancer. I've never really shared this because I know what people would think and say.
You did exactly the right thing in your situation. Instead of having a kaniption fit and going straight to the police, you did what grownups should do---you confronted him about it and you two talked it over. If more wives and family members would take a level headed approach and talk to their husbands, things would be much better and bigger problems down the road could be avoided.
Too many people immediately go to the police when they see something like this. I read stories where a wife has found child porn on her husband's computer and she immediately goes to the cops and does not even bother confronting him about it. I wonder what kind of marriage they had. Going to the police immediately for child porn is stupid because it just opens another can of worms. If the police were fair and if they would see that the guy gets help, that is one thing. But they don't do that. No, instead they immediately arrest him, throw him in jail, he goes to prison, he then becomes a registered sex offender upon his release and his life is a living hell after that. Child porn is not something people need to be watching, but the punishments are just downright ridiculous.
You two worked it out, he did not become a sex offender, you saved your relationship, and it turned out well for both of you. Who can argue with that, even though some will probably criticize you for it.
Not everyone who looks at child porn is a monster that needs to be put away and on the registry for the rest of his life.
I wouldn't worry about what some busybody would think; you did the right thing.
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