Hello worriedmompa
I'm a mom too. My son just turned 29 and has about 5.5 more years to serve. He is on a quiet prison yard out here in Cali. He will often get down for all the same reasons your son does. It's so difficult to see your child hurting. My son is determined to stay away from troublemakers while in prison and spends his days in intense Bible studies along with others who are likeminded. This discipline has served him well because it helps to build him up rather than tear him down and makes the days go by faster. It has helped him cope with some of the people on the inside and not just other inmates. Some staff can be real jerks but your son will learn to be strong and learn ways to get through each day. There are several fellas on this site who have been supportive of my son and I'm so grateful for their input. Welcome to this site, don't lose hope and continue to love your son unconditionally-Blessings-Westies

P. S. worried,
Go to the website for your states RSOL, reform sex offender laws and also W.A.R, women against the registry.
W.A.R is a national organization. You will find support and also an opportunity, if you want, to fight some of the laws which are so wrong and in many cases unconstitutional. There is more going on out there than people realize because there are so many individuals and families affected by this issue. Again-Blessings to you and your family-Westies

My son went in when he was 21. I worried about him as wrll. He's a shy wuiet guy and not good in sovial situations. I would visit him in county before he went to federal and he would be so syressed out. He would hold the phone in his hands and try to twist it..his face in such pain.
He was also innocent so it made it worse.
It got better for him after he was transferred to federal. Im so thankful for the other inmates who watched out for him and helped him deal with his incarceration. That was the key for him. To mind his own business, be resoectful of others and choose your friends wisely.
He just got out Jan 3rd.

W.A.R. also has a facebook page. If you're on fb, like their page.

I went to see my son and seems to be having a better day, he actually laughed when I was telling a story about
our dogs. And he said he was sending me a letter about what his goals are for when he comes home.. We are trying to get him to focus on what he wants out of life and a plan on how he will get there.

I find that focusing on what he wants out of life is a good thing. We celebrate the positve as much as possible. I don't get a real PollyAnna attitude, and I tell him that. I don't want to lie and set him up for a fall. Waaay to many people have done that to him already, in this process. I try to be as possitive as possible while staying "real".

I agree with Lilly. I never lie to my son about his case, I tell him the bad along with the good. This is helping him to be realistic about his future but to see he can have a future.
Setting small goals as well as big ones are a great way to keep moving forward. My son is making a goal chart with his therapist we find the small goals make it easier to get to the big ones.

He seems to doing a little better this past week. He wrote down his goals. Since he is still waiting to be sentence he can't talk to a therapist or apply for work. He told me the waiting is the worse. I had him sign a power of attorney so I can take care of his student loans and tie up loose ends at the college he was attending at the time he was arrested, so he will be able to go back and finish his degree. That seems to lift a burden off his shoulders. I didn't realize how much he was worried about that. I never lie to him, and he knows that. We are braced for the worse the attorney told us worse case 2 yrs and best 6 mon by the time he is sentenced he will have been there 6 mon. I sent him the text books he wanted , he told me wants to stay "sharp" so he studies. Thank you for your support.

Setting modest goals is an excellent idea. This allows him to look to the future with hope and hope is sometimes all we have in these situations.

Notice I used the word "modest." In order not to get consumed by it all, it is important to take "baby steps." Doing and focusing on only one problem at a time, then moving to the next problem will keep him from becoming overwhelmed by all this. When people get overwhelmed, it is much easier to become depressed.

It is important to stress upon him the fact that there IS a light at the end of this tunnel. Nothing last forever.
He will only be serving a two year sentence at the worst, so he is fortunate in that respect.

When I went in, I always looked to the future. I had a twenty year sentence and my feelings were that they could only keep me for twenty years. I would be released SOME DAY, but I just did not know when.

Finishing college or learning a vocational trade is almost a must these days if a person wants to do anything but live from paycheck to paycheck. He wants to get his degree and that shows that he is optimistic and looking for better days.

These situations tax both the offender and he family. I don't know of anything that pushes people to their limits as much as a criminal investigation.

The uncertainty is the worst part of it all. When he receives his sentence and is at his destination facility, he will feel much better about not only the situation, but also himself.

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Thank Rew, I shared the private message that you sent to me and I think it helped. The professor he was working with before his arrest is looking forward for him to be back in his class. He told me my son has a future in research but he have to work hard to get there I also told him that there are several people on the registery that attend the same college, he was surprised to heard that, because he never heard anything on campus. I hope he is starting to realize that he has a future. We have had several nice and up beat conversation this week. We are sticking to small goals so he doesn't get over whelmed.

The most daunting task----and the one most critical-----is to show these young people that yes, they DO have a future and that their life has not been ruined.

One problem is that these incarcerated sons, husbands, and boyfriends we love so much are thrown into an environment with other inmates who are so cynical about life in general. Most inmates are guilty, and many are really low lifes. I know. I lived with them. The gloom and doom of many of the inmates starts rubbing off on our loved one and it just makes his life miserable. Misery loves company.

But most of the people who post on this board with loved ones in prison are a notch above the kind of people you normally see in prison. I have no doubt whatsoever that your son and the sons and husbands of so many other folk that post here are decent people who just made a foolish mistake. That seems to be the case with most all these CP and solicitation cases.

These are decent young men.

The goal should be to convince them that yes, they ARE decent people and no, they ARE NOT your typical inmate.

It's funny about human nature. Sometimes we know something to be true and we know deep down in our heart that we are a good person, but we just cannot---for some reason---- quite believe it, UNTIL someone outside our family tells us. Then we believe it. It is almost like we need permission from someone else to believe something we already know. Crazy isn't it?

One problem is that the media harps and harps about how terrible all sex offenders are, calling them "perverts", "predators" and that other "p" word, "pedophiles." Young impressionable young men hear that so much that they actually begin to believe all the hype.

We need to get our loved ones to not only believe that they do, indeed, have a future, but more importantly, we need to make them believe in themselves.

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