The probation time they gave your son is absolutely insane to begin with. My son had 3 different POs in his 4 years - 2 were absolute jerks and 1 was ok. - Next time you are around the PO let them know that even true pedophiles do not wake up in the morning thinking about sex with children any more than any other person wakes up in the morning thinking about sex - or continue to think about it all day. why is it that some people think that there are humans out there that every waking moment think about sex? Has your son taken an assessment that shows he has no deviant tendencies? If yes then I would inform the PO that the state licensed person has said there are no deviant tendencies so do not ask again - and if he does have one I would get one (by a state licensed person) and then tell them to F off

My son says as little as possible. To engage in conversation just leaves him vulnerable. If we ever have to deal with the PO now with release issues we use a lawyer. The PO hates that we have a lawyer.

My son didn't even have to take treatment.

So, here are some thoughts....

Some people seem to be looking for a "socially legitimate" reason to abuse others. I remember getting into a "thing" with some people not long after my husband was arrested. All they did was want to abuse me for what he did. The things they said to me were childish, repugnant and, well, abusive! Embarrassing and pathetic, actually. They were things that none of them would ever say except that they believed that it socially acceptable to abuse someone who is perceived to have abused (whether it is true or not is not important.)

It reminded me of stories from the Bible...about casting the first stone...about glass houses.

Nak, that guy's an a..hole without a doubt, but he is also throwing stones because he thinks he can get away with it--not because it is his job. Because he thinks it is his job, he uses it as an excuse to abuse your son. It is not the job of the probation officer to abuse the probationers. If anyone thinks its their job, they are wrong.

I also thought about turn the other cheek. In this case, I think getting a lawyer would fit the bill. You don't want to attack that guy back. You just want to show him where he is wrong. And he certainly is wrong. The lawyer will let him know.

Then I thought about love your enemies. Now, if you are really experiencing love, you can't have enemies. The light shines away the darkness. I think that phrase is really about becoming aware of when you feel irritated and choosing to feel otherwise. There are lots to techniques to do that in all of our traditions.

Nak, your son is too young for all of this. He's just starting his life. But what a great lesson for him to learn that he doesn't need to get hooked into this P.O.'s nonsense! The real enemy is not the P.O. You have tools to keep him in line. The enemy is getting hooked into his crap and believing it is real. The enemy is the irritation you think you need to feel when this guy harasses you.

I'm not saying that your experience with this guy isn't real. Of course it is. And you have to feel the feelings that come out of the situation. But then later, when you feel like you can, sit down in a quiet spot and say to yourself, "I'm not going to take this anymore." Then, you ask silently for your heart to be changed.

That P.O. is in pain. He has to be if he acts that way. Pain is darkness. A heart full of love is light. If you can release your anger and irritation just enough to see this guy with compassion for his pain, I strongly suspect that you will see things change. You will be the light. And what does light do?

So, maybe nobody will read this long message. I feel for you, Nak. You're in a tough spot, but if you don't get anything else out of my little bit of writing here just remember this: the P.O. can only take your power if you let him and you are stronger than you think.

Blessings.

Peek

Well said, Peek.

Nak, your son is experiencing the unfortunate results when a group of uneducated people are indoctrinated to dislike and even hate another group of people.

When I was in prison I worked in education and practically ran the education department when the principal became ill and not able to carry out his duties. As I result, he and I shared a lot of thoughts and ideas.

He told me that when a new recruit goes into training to be a PO, a CO or even a staff member in the prison, the first thing they are taught is that inmates are manipulative, they lie, they steal, and basically they are trash and worthless. That is exactly what he said.

He went on to say that this idea is reinforced at every opportunity while training someone new at the DOC academy.

So, here's what happens------You take a group of uneducated men who cannot think for themselves, some of whom do not have the sense to come out of the rain, and instill these ideas in their head. And they believe them as they believe everything they are told.

In fact, one of the biggest problems in America is that people have forgotten how to think for themselves. We need more common sense and critical thinkers in this country.

The fact that POs, COs, and prison staff are trained to distrust inmates and probationers makes this a little easier to understand why this happens. It certainly does not make it fair or right, but the entire concept of continuing to hound a young man who has and continues to maintain his innocent is stunning in its stupidity.

I feel so badly for your son and what he has gone through. The fact that they take people and literally run them through the meat grinder and then stomp them into the ground for good measure goes against everything any decent person should stand for. I hope it gets better for both you and him someday, as nobody deserves what you have endured.

rewdiazepam

Very well said Peek - and you are correct about people. I tell my sociology classes all the time about this - it is called Mob Mentality and it is one of the ugliest sides of humanity

Right on REW (has kind of a ring to it? LOL) - I say that some of that "training" goes as far as being a culprit for some of the gestapo tactics we see by LE lately - cops are now part of HL security (they were not before Patriot Act) and the focus of the teaching has switched. When I went through the Police Academy we were taught that there were only a few very rare circumstances when you would ever want to use your firearm. We were taught that the goal was to try to never pull your weapon unless absolutely necessary. Today cops are taught (of course much more involved than this but I am condensing) that anyone that breaks the law is an enemy and therefore could be classified as a terrorist. Where I was taught that it was my job to quickly assess and defuse a situation they are taught no hesitation.

I agree Peek. I never thought about it really but it is abuse. My son says he just likes to push his buttons to see if he'll get a reaction. And my son refuses to give him any. The PO seems to live in his own reality. The sad thing is that he's in charge of my son's life. When we first met him, the PO said that we are now family for the next 15 years, like a marriage. My son and I looked at each other like this guy was crazy.

Rew, I read a book about how they train ICE and cops . It's called Criminal Investigations and Confessions. I have an older copy and it cost me a bit of money. It's the training manual and in it it tells the cop that he will know who is guilty because they have that ability. That they are smarter than the criminal and here's the steps you take to get confessions.

Exactly how they train the POs and COs. These people must have empty space in their brain and then it's filled with this goop. It pretty much brain washes them to think this way. So I'm not surprised by it, and my son and I both realize his PO has some serious inadequacy issues. He's nuts. Some would actually think he's one of the better POs, as they all have to be nuts to want a job like this.

Nako,
It has been a while since I have been here. I am so sorry your son is going through this.
He is doing the right thing. I always tried to limit my answers to yes and no. The more he says the more ammunition he gives the PO. I agree that they are fairly stupid people but they are trained to manipulate others into saying things they do not mean.
Besides, they are the liars. I found in prison that the inmates were fairly honest and the COs were all liars. Same goes for POs. All they ever want to do is violate someone because it shows they are doing their job.

Your son needs to have a written "safety plan" to show is PO. This plan should describe what he will do in various 'unsupervised' situations, such as, what to do it (a) he goes to the Men's Room in Walmart and there are minors in there alone; or (b) a minor starts talking to him for any reason, (c); (d); (e); etc.

He can show that he has an active plan, and follows it, to avoid those types of situations when his PO asks those unsavory questions.

I know this is extreme, but it shows the PO that your son is serious about following the terms of his probation, and not getting in trouble again.

I agree area that POs were taught to distrust everyone. But I also think they were taught to distrust people for a reason.

My last PO before I was done, was about to retire. He'd been doing the game for far too long. He thought I got a pretty raw deal and took some pity on me. I asked him why did he keep on asking me these stupid questions? I've jumped through every hoop, have a job, pass your poly's, you only hear from me once a month because I don't do stupid stuff. He said to me if his entire caseload was people like me he wouldn't need to retire.

But he'd been burned too many times by people he thought were on the straight and narrow.

When all you see is the worst side of humanity it is hard to believe there is good left.

Independent,

You said, "When all you see is the worst side of humanity it is hard to believe there is good left."

That is so true in any circumstance.

I rant and rail on law enforcement, but I have to also know that there are some decent ones. I am intelligent enough---and fair enough----to admit that not all LE are devious. I think that if we, as registrants and families of offenders, use a blanket approach to judge all LE, then we are no better than they are when they do the same thing to sex offenders.

I have seen a couple of courageous and heroic acts by COs in prison. One instance that comes to mind is when an elderly gentleman went into some kind of cardiac arrest, collapsed, and fell unconscious. The CO that day was a younger man and he ran over to the inmate and began giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and CPR until the other CO could bring some defib paddles.

Both COs worked on this man until they had him breathing again and they could detect a pulse. They called emergency and he got to medical. I heard that he finally pulled out of it.

The point is that I would have never dreamed in a million years that a CO actually cared enough about an inmate to give him mouth-to-mouth. It was pretty dramatic and rather amazing.

The next year the CO quit his job with the Oklahoma Department of Corrections and went back to school.

rewdiazepam

sam:Your son needs to have a written "safety plan" to show is PO.

No he doesn't. He doesn't have to say he's guilty and a threat to children again. Safety plan is another piece of evidence they have where my son admits he's a threat to children and needs a plan to live in society.