Hi sorry for your pain and glad you found us - I am also a mother of an RSO.

My heart goes out to you also BatesvillLady. I too am a Mother of a Registrant. One of the things I found the most difficult to deal with was the shear fact I could not "fix" it for my son. And I longed for the days when he was small and all I had to do was wipe his tears and put a band aid on it.

My thoughts are with you. My son is also a RSO and in his 5th year of a 20 year sentence. I understand completely the shock and heartbreak. This forum is very helpful. No one judges and everyone listens. God bless.

Mary

I hurt for you, Bates. But, I'm here to tell you it could be worse. I have TWO sons in prison in two different states. Son #1 is doing year 5 of 20 in Iowa. Son #2 is doing year 4 of 4-to-life in Colorado. I live part of the year in the unfinished basement of a generous relative, part of the year in my minivan, and part of the year I house sit. I travel a lot to visit my two sons. I also spend a lot of money supporting them with phone time, commissary money, printing, postage, and a vast array of infuriating fees to various money-grabbing organizations related to departments of corrections. I worry A LOT about what will happen if and when they get out and have to deal with lifetime parole!

I am a wife of a SO, in his 4th year of a 30 yr sentence. Sorry you are here, but glad you found us.

I am also mom to a SO, in his second year of a 25-year sentence. This forum has helped me a lot, especially right in the beginning when I just couldn't handle anything. There are a lot of people who have gone through it and can help answer questions.

Thank you for all the kind words. It's been rough the last few days with sentencing and him going straight to prison. It's been 3 days now and I'm still crying over every little thing. Does it get "easier"? Do the tears finally stop?

Well whether the tears stop depends on you and the support system you have. You will learn to live with it because that is what we do as humans - but the easier part for me has been a no (sorry) I worry every second of every day ... and I still jump out of my skin in fear every time someone knocks on my front door

It' still hard after 4 yrs for me. I still cry, just not as often. It was really hard in the beginning, but this has become my new normal.

I haven't let myself cry very much at all. I got on anti-depressant meds and stayed on them for two years, during the worst part. I had a full-time job as the secretary to the CEO and could not afford to be less than my best for him. The meds enabled me to get my work done, instead of just staring at the computer screen.

I also rekindled my interest in an old hobby...crochet. I became obsessed with it...I still am. Whenever I feel myself starting to slip, I get out my yarn and hook and start making something. I crocheted so much that a friend knew something was wrong, when she saw me crocheting. She would ask if everything was all right.

The rhytmic repetition of making the stitches, while counting them, is very calming. I've made blankets, shawls, hats, scarves, toys, rugs, hot pads, dish cloths, pillow covers, and more. If life hands you lemons, you know.

My son is 2 years into a 15 year sentence. I am sorry that you are going through this. It does get easier, it takes time. I cried at the drop of a hat for quite a while. I still lock my screen door as well as the inside door of my home, and get a knot in my stomach any time someone pulls in the driveway or knocks on my door (my son lived with me so my home was raided, and this is where they came to arrest him).
I am around if you need anything.

I'm so sorry for you. I'm pretty new to this too, going on six months. It's the worst thing I think as a mom we can ever go through. My son has been sitting in jail all this time, met his public defender once. You'll find you have a lot in common with people here...I didn't realize anyone else was startled by a knock on the door. I remember when I got the call from my sons gf, I thought he had died, car wreck or something...my worst nightmare come true...but no, I think this might me. Everyone tells you to be strong for your son, you can come here for comfort and support...the people here have your back when you feel like you can't take another step....I haven't cried as much because my survival mode is to be in denial. But I fight giving up, some days I just don't want to go on but you have to because your son needs you. God bless you while you're on this awful journey. There will be an end to this madness...someday...someway..

It doesn't get better, but it does get easier as I adjust. My son is also an RSO, for almost a year now. At first I cried almost nonstop for about 6 or 7 months, then I started to adjust and the crying began to slow. Now I still cry easily but not the freak out over every little thing that I used to do. I'm so sorry that you are part of our "club." This site has helped me immensely just knowing that I am not the only one going through this.

I am sorry I know that it was be very difficult for you. My son denied the charges, (no dna), and still got 60 years. I am in a spot not really knowing if it is true or not. But regardless they are our child, our sons, and all we can do is be here for them. What is a mother to do. You are in the right place. Keep leaning on this group, and you too will get through this. Please let me know if there is anything I can personally do to help you through is. Sad to hear your plight. Not to lessen it at all, but 60 months, will go by fast, and although his life (and yours) is forever changed, hang in there...Lean on god or whatever higher power you have. It will be okay. You have friends on this site that will help you.

I'm the wife of a SO, but I am also a mother. My heart goes out to you all, what a horrible thing for any parent to deal with. And yes, my anxiety goes through the roof at any unexpected knock on the door, that seems to be a common trait!