Families of SOs Community Group
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There have been several mothers, wives, GFs, and family members of sex offenders who have been trying to reach me in the last few weeks. Several have even sent me private messages asking for some guidance. If I remember correctly asgmiami1, mickeysmom, and hobart5---along with several others-----sent me messages asking for help.
I have been absent b/c I had a bad case of double pneumonia which turned into a septic situation, which in turn caused some more complications. I am somewhat better now, and am at least able to begin helping folks again and answering their messages.
I have been at this game for longer than I want to admit, after coming out of prison in 2000, so I know the terror, confusion, anger, and panic these situations cause. I also know that most of the folks on Daily Strength are newbies who have had no previous experience with the criminal justice system or the sex offender registry. The lack of knowledge and fear of the unknown can paralyze a mother, a wife, or anyone who loves a sex offender, so I feel I need to get back to work to help out all you fine people.
I also regret that I have undoubtedly lost or forgotten some of the messages that people have sent me in the last month or so. I may still have the messages, but I have forgotten much about their situation. So, if you messaged me and did not receive a response, it was NOT---NOT---b/c I ignored you. Not once in all my years offering support have I EVER ignored someone who needed help---nor will I ever do that.
Just send me a message---a private message----and explain your situation. We can discuss it and I am sure I can give you some guidance and shed some light on the situation. We can talk about the situation for as long as we need so you can better understand your situation, what you are looking at and your options. I am an easy going and down-to-earth guy who has a lot of patience with others when dealing with these situations. And, no, I don’t bite, either.
I am better now and am confident that I will be making no more trips to the ER, so I will be able to answer ALL my messages.
BUT, I am way behind. Last year alone, from all the forums I go to, I received over 3,000 messages, so while I am back at work, it will take a while for me to answer all my messages.
So send or resend me all your messages. They will get answered.
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If some of the victims would come forward and recant their stories, it would go a long way toward him being found innocent. I doubt that will happen, but a recantation always helps.
You cannot file any appeal with any chance of prevailing, since there are no grounds for an appeal. At this point, his best bet is to serve some time, and hope for a parole or early release.
You said, “my BF recently took a plea in order not to gamble with 2 instead of 40 years of his life. I was so upset because I know he didn't do what he was accused of.”
He made the wise move by taking the plea. With all the victims and testimony, he would surely been convicted at trial and given several decades in prison or even a life sentence, which is a much harsher sentence than he received with the plea. He could have never impeached all the witnesses he had against him. A plea was the only real choice he had.
Until then, you can help him greatly by writing him, supporting him, and ensuring him that you are willing to stand beside him through thick and thin. That kind of emotional support is invaluable to a wrongly accused inmate.
I do believe that you would be best served to find a therapist to bring your emotions to the forefront so they can be addressed. A good therapist can help greatly. Also, if you feel as if this situation is consuming you, go to your family physician and have him prescribe you some mild antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs to help you get over the hump. The modern day antidepressants are very effective with very few side effects.
I wish I could be of more help, but the ladies here can probably give you some much better emotional support than I can. They have been through this in a manner in which I have not, so hopefully, they can be of some help.
rewdiazepam
Been a bit since I've seen you post.
I go to several other boards besides this board; there has not been much traffic on this board lately.
I do the majority of my work on a one-to-one basis with the mothers, wives, GFs, and offenders through messages and emails. Most of the mothers and wives would rather talk to me than post on a message board. Why? I think most of them feel very comfortable with me. They know I have been doing this for years, that I am deeply empathetic to their situation, that I will never judge them, nor will I ever make them feel anything but confortable. But most of all, I will never ridicule them. Why? B/c I truly care about each person I help, and I care about their problems.
In actuality, I probably baby many of the mothers and wives I talk to, but that is OK. Some are at the end of their rope and they need to be handled with tender loving care.
I have run the entire gamut from arrest to a false conviction, followed by almost a decade in prison. I was then on the sex offender registry for 14 years, so I understand what others are going through. I went through it myself at one time and I know the emotional pain involved.
Many of the newer people I help are terrified and in a panic over the situation. The thought of prison scares the hell out of them, they wonder if they can have a life being on the sex offender registry, and as all of us do, they fear the unknown. Many folks over the years have contacted me and thanked me, but you know what? All I did was to hold the person’s hand and not allow them to fall until they begin to understand the situation and were able to walk on their own two feet.
The mothers, wives, GFs, and family members here are some of the most courageous folks I have ever known. They go through literal hell to endure their situation, and that takes some inner strength. I just try to show them the way down the road----They do most of the walking.
Sometimes I get behind in my messages, so I have to ask people to be patient with me.
I am always happy to help someone in need.
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