Families of SOs Community Group
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Hello. My father went to prison when I was a child (I last saw him as a baby) on charges of owning child pornography and enticing a minor with the intent to have sexual relations, though he claims that this was a fantasy roleplay and that he never intended to meet with a child. However, he met up with a father to discuss seeing the child before he was ultimately caught as it was actually an undercover detective. I am unsure what I believe. If he is involved in some sick roleplay or if he had intended to cross the line. I lean more to the latter. I was told he was in jail all of my life, though truthfully he had only gone to prison when I was 8.
When I was 12 he tried to reach out to me with a letter and I blocked the messenger and told her to never try to speak to me again. The letter weighs heavy in my mind as he seemed like a good guy. A funny guy. Someone I could see myself having a father-child relationship with. But, I am aware that he as well as other criminals with similar offenses, have a way of manipulating people's emotions. I've always wanted to have a father and I want to believe that prison changed him and that hopefully his "fantasy" is in the back of his mind. But I am so scared.
I have come face to face with many pedophilic adults trying to have their way with me way too many times in my young life. I despise these kinds of people. but yet I really want to have a connection with my father. I'm scared of accepting someone who I honestly don't know if they have hurt a minor before. I don't know if this was all fantasy or if he has participated in these acts. I don't want to show kindness and forgiveness to someone who has gone through with these acts. I have a lot of loose evidence to believe he has crossed the line. There is talk of evidence that he went to some Asian country, I don't remember which, and was involved in a "sex tour" of young children. If this is true, which I believe it is, it is irresponsible of anybody to believe that he did not end up having sex with a minor.
All of this to say.. he is getting out of prison this year. I thought I had another 6 months, but while checking up on his release date this morning I found that he is now in a halfway house and is now in my state. He used to be halfway across the country from me. He is now less than an hour from me. Soon he'll have a job and a phone and be able to venture out. I'm scared that he'll reach out to me but I'm more scared of having to make the decision on if I want to respond.... I want to at least meet him once, but my family and friends all disagree saying that I should never ever see him, even once. If I did meet or talk with him it would have to be in secret. I don't know how to explain my reasoning to my family and friends because they just won't and don't understand. Has anyone been in a similar situation? and can I please get opinions? Thank you so much in advance.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I'm afraid this board is pretty dead now but there's another site for families and friends that I think is a lot more active.... I'll put up a link
I hope that you and your dad can develop a great bond over time.... Another hug and a blessing
https://support-for-families.boards.net/
Like your dad claiming role play, my dad states he has a sexual disorder diagnosed as “sexomnia.” Allegedly, this illness can cause one to go as far as raping their own spouse in a state of unconsciousness. I spoke with a psychiatrist about this and she informed me less than 0.05% of patients actually have this disease and it sounds like something pulled from the psychiatry manual to get my dad off charges. I tend to lean with the medical professional.
My dad didn’t get his diagnosis until 10 years after my sister’s molestation. Even after he served 22 months in federal prison for being found guilty of indecent liberties with a minor, he was caught masturbating outside our neighbor’s bathroom window while she took a shower one morning. He was arrested again and only then seeker psychiatry and was diagnosed. Now he clings to this diagnosis as a security blanket to justify why he did all the horrible things he did.
I am the youngest of his children. We had always been relatively close, though my parents weren’t great. Ever. They fed a lie to innocent, child me, that my sister was crazy and my father did nothing wrong. That my sister (half sister and his step daughter) made up this fowl lie because she didn’t like him as a step dad. I had this belief implanted in me at such a young age I held onto it, up until my sister passed from an overdose a couple years ago.
Since her passing, I was given the info about his prison sentence-which I knew nothing about. The wheels started turning ever since.
I have battled with feelings of guilt for tearing my family apart once again for things they thought were long behind them. For bringing up past shame for my father that he has put to bed. But for me, all of these feelings are new. I’m just discovering that he actually did touch her. That she wasn’t crazy like they forced me to believe. And even if she was, it was because they forced her to live with her predator after his release until she finally moved away at 16. She struggled with addiction and even gave her own child away later in life in fear my father would molest him.
It’s incredibly difficult to go your whole life believing one story, from your parents especially. They’re the ones who are supposed to look after us, yet here they are dragging us through the trenches again. And again.
You are not alone. Your feelings are valid and no one has any right to tell you how to express them. What you’re coping with is traumatizing, and incredibly hard to digest. I’m struggling with this daily still, so I ended up here. Don’t be a stranger, I’m here if you need to talk.