Nicole, first I want to welcome you to the community. And your right, it us difficult being married to a man serving time. Only you can make the decision on what's best for you and your child, but I can say that prison DOES change people. Some for the better (like my hubby) and some for the worst.

What I can recommend is that you talk openly about finances and what you are able to provide. Set the expectation, and if you have a windfall (like nice tax refund), you would be happy to share it with him. Let him know how you feel, being completely open and honest. Hubby and I found being completely honest has helped us. When I felt he was demanding something, I put my foot down and reminded him of our monthly obligations, that I could help in whatever capacity I could. He backed down and hasn't forced the issue again. Now he asks if I could spare some money for canteen. If I can, i do. If I can't, I set an expectation of how much or when I could put more money in his books.
Hope this helps.

Also it might be helpful to remember that he cannot do anything to help himself while inside . he is at the mercy of those around him and frustrated as hell . all i can tell you is to reassure him of your love and that you want to help as much as you can , But you cannot take from yours and his child)ren)being bin prison is excruciatingly hard because you cannot do anything for your self . everyone thinks you have it made in prison , 3 hot meals and a nice warm place to sleep and keep dry , HA , reality is a bitch that bites hard !

Hmmm iam sorry that your going through this.
I think I would sit down and write out your budget that way he can see where the money is going and you guys can talk about it.

where is rew when we need him? He was incarcerated so he could definitely give you some advice. Personally, I think it depends on how long he has been gone as to if he has changed for the worse. I think it would be very unusual for you two to argue like crazy now and everything go great when he gets out! I think you should be prepared to go on with or without him.....as you may have to. Take care.

Your husband should stop with the nonsense of being so hard on you. After all, you did not do anything to get him in there. If he is innocent, neither did he, but you are not to blame for this mess. Him being angry with you is not helping the situation at all.

I was incarcerated for almost a decade and I was innocent, but I did not take my anger out on others, especially family who I knew were doing their best to help me.
I immersed myself in my tutoring work and if I was angry, I just dealt with it myself. There was no need to make everyone else miserable just because I was uncomfortable at times.

Prison is a tough environment and the frustrations can certainly bring out the worst in people, but you are doing the time just as much as he is---or maybe even more. In prison, an inmate has very few responsibilities. All he has to do is sleep, eat, go to work, and get back up. His laundry is done for him, his meals are cooked, he does not have to worry about money, his bed is always made, etc. You, on the other hand, have to worry about paying the rent, paying the electric bills, cooking the meals and keeping food on the table, raising your son---who needs you more than ever---doing the laundry, and THEN maybe you can rest and have some time for yourself. Inmates just either do not care or they do not stop to think how tough it is for the family out there.

Prison changes every life it touches, both the family and the inmate, but it does not have to change them for the worst. Many guys in prison come to a self-awareness and learn a lot about themselves. They also grow as a person and learn about what life is all about. It sounds as if your husband is just mad at the world.

I don't know why he has changed so much from that loveable guy to such a selfish person. Prison is a rugged life simple because nothing ever good happens there. Cynicism runs rampant.

You said you don't respect him anymore. For any relationship to survive, it must have two things: 1) trust and 2) respect. If you don't have both trust and respect your relationship will never be a happy one.

I hate to say this, but I doubt very seriously he will change back when he is released. Being released from prison brings a whole bunch of other problems and responsibilities and I doubt his outlook will change for the better.

I don't necessarily think you should just forget your marriage. You should still work on it, but it takes two to make a marriage. Your children are also very important in all this.

Possibly when he get out some counseling by himself or you two as a couple would be beneficial.

I would just play it day by day, but I would tell him that you do not like the way he is acting toward you and it is hurting the marriage.

At some point, you will have to make a decision what you want to do with your marriage. That is a very personal decision and I wish both you, your husband, and your family the best.

God Bless you,

rewdiazepam

I always appreciate any feedback in which any one gives me because I know it is only information which can help me and nothing to hurt me and I appreciate that! I read all of the postings very carefully and gave them serious thought but there was one in particular that really caught my eye it was from Rewdiazepam. That post really interested me because in it you stated that at one time you yourself had been incarcerated for a crime you did not committ so to me its like you understand me on that level and also (and correcet if I am wrong) I dont mean to offend you so dont take it the wrong way. Im assumining you are a male so you can also relate to me in thinking how a husband feels. Once again really appreciate your response and it is nothing I have not thought about over the years. I would love to stay in touch with you...please write back soon!

I will send you a PM tomorrow.

rewdiazepam

I fully agree with Rew. My situation was similar in that I did 2 years for something that I was sent in emails. I never asked for it, deleted it immediately and blocked the sender. I was imprisoned for not reporting it. That's justice for you.
Your husband has to understand that you are doing the time with him AND have ALL the responsibility for keeping the family going and together. I was lucky in that other inmates made me understand this. They helped me get through my time and told me how to help my then fiancee. She is now my wife. I am grateful for her every day for sticking with me through a horrible time in both our lives, among many other things.
My time left me with a better understanding of life in general. It showed me how much I have. It taught me how to just surf the waves and not drown. It also left me with a flare up of PTSD from my military time.
When I got out, I had 3 years of Supervised Release that brought a whole new group of issues. But, I was prepared for them because I talked to all those that had returned to prison on violations. I knew what mistakes NOT to make.
I did luck out in that I only spent 10 years on the Registry. My state did not pass the AWA until my time was done and did not reach back, Ex Post Facto, to bring those like me back on.
Sure, I am still angry, but I know how to deal with it. Sure, my trust in the government is shattered, but whose isn't? Mostly, I have a loving wife, family, friends I can count on and a job. I want nor need little else.