In all these situations----mother/son, wife/husband, GF/BF----in which the male has been accused of a sex crime, I think the mother, wife, or GF need to address two things in the very beginning----1) that there is unconditional love for the offender, and 2) in your case, the mother needs to separate the crime from her son.

The unconditional love is important in that people who have been arrested by the police for a major crime are scared to death. It is crucial at this time that your son knows that his family will not desert him. Nothing makes the fear worse than also thinking that everyone will forsake him. You should assure him, that while you are mad as hell at him and terribly disappointed in the arrest, you will still love him as your son.

If you are overly angry with him, sit down, write a letter, and display that anger. Tell him just how damn pissed you are. Just let it all out; use as much bad language as you want, but put your anger on paper.. Let the letter sit for a few hours, then tear it up. You need to grieve and you need to express your emotions.

Mothers also should try to realize that her son is not a monster. Most sex offenders are not monsters even though the media will try to portray them as such. Try to see the young man you raised and have always loved as a young man who made a tragic mistaken instead of just a bad person.

I learned years ago in most of these crimes that there are no bad people, only bad behaviors. You should also try to understand that a person is not defined by a single mistake they may make in life.

I know you are hurt / angry /disappointed / bewildered and and suffering from an entire slew of emotions, all negative emotions.

You said that right now you are lost and I know you are. Your son is equally lost and struggling with his emotions including guilt if he is indeed guilty.

You and your son WILL get through this, but it will take a team effort to make this as easy as possible.

As I have said many times, the human body is resilient, but the mind is not equipped to handle the bombardment on a 24/7 basis of all the destructive and negative emotions you are feeling. If you feel the need, go to your physician and he can give you something mild to get you through this roughest period. Reach out for help and do not allow this situation to consume your body and soul.

You should probably find someone to talk out your emotions with. Find someone you trust or perhaps a therapist to talk everything out. People in your position desperately need an understand and non-judgmental ear.

Your son is a flawed human being, just as you and I are flawed human beings. Human beings make terrible mistakes in judgment sometimes but that does mean they are evil in nature or terrible people.

Take one day at a time. If you have faith in God or anything, it is now time to practice that faith. Do not isolate yourself too much, as that only makes things worse.

I am a guy who went through this mess years ago, so I might not be able to give the type of emotional advice some of the ladies here can give. Hopefully, one of them will come along and chime in.

If your son has been arrested, he may or may not have already been arraigned. Usually arraignment occurs 72 hours after the arrest. If you can afford a private attorney, now would be a good time to get one. If you cannot, he will be appointed a public defender.

Tell your son to keep his mount shut in jail. First, inmates despise child sex offenders and secondly, he should never talk about his case to anyone but his attorney. You should also refrain from talking about the specifics of the case to anyone.
The one.day.at.a.time. I know it is human nature to think ahead and fear the unknown, but try to keep those thoughts to a minimum.

God bless you and your son,

rewdaizepam

Thank you

We are here if you need to talk , lots of broken hearted moms , my son has been in prison for 4 years ,and I'm still in shock ! Still cry for him! Still love him , he is being punnished by the law and some of my family and by himself . I feel he is paying dearly , he is not a monster , he's my kid ( man ) that never did anything bad in his life ,but got caught up in the Internet c.p. I'm not making ecsuses for him ,I'm so mad at him , I wish he could've talked to us before this all happened .im so Sad for his family ,and for us all . I finally found this forum ,and thank god ,it has helped me so much , I've made a couple of friends here , and when things get to bad , I can turn here ,ask questions ,give hugs and even cry ... Keep in touch ,Susie

Whatever you do don't abandon him. I had to sit in court as a mother YESTERDAY and watch my son plea to cp charges and become a registered sex offender. In my state that requires an automatic 5 years per count in prison but his lawyer bargained with the DA for deviation of sentence and he's is home on probation for seven years. I am blessed my son is with me but I wept through the entire process in court yesterday. Now we have the hurdle of him maintain his trucking job.... Prayerfully his probation officer will realize he is gainfully employed and let him keep the job. I pray for all of you, I know your pain.

Do not give up on him. He needs you more than ever. Be there for him, write him, take his phone calls and visit him if it is possible. Remember he feels responsible for the pain he has caused you and his family. I too was so angry at my son, and I felt so embarrassed. I listened to friends tell me they would never visit their son in prison. Blah, Blah.......I made the decision that was right for me I eagerly answered his calls, I send him mail every day, and I visited him regularly and I never looked back. And one more thing I did. I never asked him, if he had done what he was charged with, for one thing the phones are all recorded from the very beginning, letters are read and I really could not see the point, after he took the plea deal, which is the case in the majority of arrests. I wish I had an magic eraser to help you and your son. Hold your head up high, become informed. And try to ignore the judgmental people which is really a hard one. What work for me was telling them until they have walked in my shoes they need to keep their opinions to themselves.