Families of SOs Community Group
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Well my husband had his sentencing last week. His charges were amended from 1 count Lewd Conduct with a child under 16 years of age and 1 count of Sexual Abuse of a minor under 16 years of age. (He touched one niece inappropriately and said sexual things to another niece) to one charge of Sexual Abuse of a minor under 16 years of age.
His sentence is this:
Jail 365 days, Discretionary: 185 days (Work release)
Penitentiary determinate: 5 years. Penitentiary indeterminate: 10 years.
Probation term 5 years (supervised)
Fines: $1,540.50 to the court; (This is what I have been told, I have not seen it in writing yet): $5,000 to each victim and restitution: open.
He only gets 1 visitor once a week. The only contact at work is with his boss & co-workers and he goes to counseling twice a month.
We have to pay $175.00 per week for him to do the work release and $75.00 per counseling session.
I know we have been blessed with this. We are in the process of selling our home because of all of this. Like I said I know we are blessed but at the same time it is very hard. I keep going thru all of the emotions, mad, sad, blessed , frustrated, you name it.
The other thing that I am furious about is that he has not spoken to or seen his daughter (my step daughter) since this all started. She is 14 years old. She admits that she was NEVER touched by him and that she was never a victim. He says that also. She needs to see him, he wants to apologize to her for all of this. I am being told that it is up to his counselor to say if & when he can see her. My heart hurts for them both.
His sentence is this:
Jail 365 days, Discretionary: 185 days (Work release)
Penitentiary determinate: 5 years. Penitentiary indeterminate: 10 years.
Probation term 5 years (supervised)
Fines: $1,540.50 to the court; (This is what I have been told, I have not seen it in writing yet): $5,000 to each victim and restitution: open.
He only gets 1 visitor once a week. The only contact at work is with his boss & co-workers and he goes to counseling twice a month.
We have to pay $175.00 per week for him to do the work release and $75.00 per counseling session.
I know we have been blessed with this. We are in the process of selling our home because of all of this. Like I said I know we are blessed but at the same time it is very hard. I keep going thru all of the emotions, mad, sad, blessed , frustrated, you name it.
The other thing that I am furious about is that he has not spoken to or seen his daughter (my step daughter) since this all started. She is 14 years old. She admits that she was NEVER touched by him and that she was never a victim. He says that also. She needs to see him, he wants to apologize to her for all of this. I am being told that it is up to his counselor to say if & when he can see her. My heart hurts for them both.
One thing I always tell people is that these situations are DOABLE. Not easy, not fun, but doable. Doable is the operative word here.
The sentence could have been much worse. I had a prison tutor buddy that received 70 years for basically the same charges your husband had.
Take one day at a time. If you try to look too far in the future, you inevitably borrow trouble. Get through every day before you worry about the next.
You will have your peaks and valleys, but just know that everyone on this forum is in your corner. We all are either going through what you are or we have already been there. You will nowhere find a group of people who truly understands your situation than on this forum.
You are not alone in your situation. Many other people are dealing with this every day.
Other people may try to demean your husband or your family and attempt to make you feel shame. Don't allow them to do that. Nobody---nobody----should be defined as a monster from just one isolated event in life.
One incident does not define a person.
Other people will be so rude and try to take your dignity away from you, to make you feel less than a human. Nobody can rob us of our dignity unless we allow them to. Don't allow others to do that. If they are able to take your dignity away, your self-respect will soon follow and then your life will become a real mess.
In a lot of this, your husband is in control of his own destiny. Unless he re-offends or does not do well on probation, the criminal justice system has taken the only shot they have at him. They do not get two bites at the apple, so to speak.
Just you and he get in there, abide by the rules, get through this, and go on with your life.
I believe in you.
God bless you,
rewdaizepam
My husband just got out after 4 1/2 years. The thing that I have found out is that you can re-invent yourself. So much has been lost for us, but it has just opened up new doors. New blessings come in when the old is swept away, whether you wanted it to be or not.
For example, I never thought that I would own a farm, but an opportunity came up to buy a small property where hubby can live and practice permaculture, like he had always dreamed of. The first animals on the farm have been worms for the compost and two little kittens to keep the mice and rats at bay. Next will be a chicken tractor. Yeah, we'll get eggs, but you need the chickens to eat the bad bugs.
So, yeah, life does go on. When you are ready to see the blessings coming in, you will see them. Its not time yet. You need to process all of what is going on around you. But slowly, you come to see the good in everything. And, as Rew says, you go on with your life.
Best to you! I'll be thinking about you.
As for him seeing his daughter, if the state has their hand in it and they are stopping them from seeing each other, just bare with it. Eventually he will go through everything to prove he's not a threat and they will drop it. We are going through the same thing here. (I bring my kids to see their dad every few weeks because ACS can't say the visit isn't supervised). Just bare with it. You have support from everyone here. We can all relate to some part of each others story. Just always remember that we are here for you.
All in all, you are blessed in this situation. Probation is hard, speaking from experience. As Rew said, this is doable. You can survive this. We don't have control over people, places and things. Just live one day at a time, as that is the only way to make it through this.