I remember my son's first day out. On our way out the front door with his box of personal stuff, including commissary, the guard told him in a harsh voice 'Don't come back'.
He had me buy him a whole domino pizza and their giant chocolate chip cookie and a list of other things to have for him as soon as he got into the car. For 2 weeks he ate everything he thought he missed.
Thanks for posting this.

Wow..just read that blog/site from beginning to end. My husband is accused of 4 various counts of CP. Dont know how it will come out in the end as in plea or trial. I do know this...he looks and dressed like a guy walking down wall street; he is 56 years old and he wears $700 Dolce Gabbana eyeglasses that are apparantly stylish in today's fashion and our kids opinons but I say they are nerd looking eyeglasses and he doesnt use profanity. He keeps his hair short and has a small goatee. He's quiet...the analyzer type. Very high IQ which doesn't seem to matter in prison. He is not going to survive prison and he wont go to a SOMP facility if he cant see and visit the last 3 people he has left in his life, his wife and twins. He has been on suicide watch in the detention center already twice and that's not even prison. Hes a terrible liar. I read through that inmates blog and I almost feel like telling my husband to stock up on whatever over the counter meds he can stockpile from comissary, Lord knows after reading that man's experience, I feel like thats my best option too. I cant live a life outside knowing the person I love more than anything is enduring the things Joe the S.O. did on a daily basis. Im glad had the heart to do that blog and give the info he did, but I am sick and disheartened for us.

I don't know JoetheSO or anything about his experiences and I am sure his time in prison was no picnic. I also am sure he is an honest guy.

But I did not have a difficult time and I was in there for the first degree rape of a child---even though I was innocent. The medium security prison I was at was called "Gladiator School" by those within the Oklahoma DOC system.

Prison is a tough road for any inmate, and it is full of traps and snares for sex offenders. But it is not a complete horror show for each and every inmate who is in prison as a sex offender. It certainly was not for me.

I glanced at his site and it really looks nice. He has a lot of good tips for sex offenders in prison and I agree with most of them.

But prison is not a torturous experience for all sex offenders.

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@Psalms,

Don't dare let your husband ever mention to the other inmates that he walked around in a pair of $700 sunglasses or that your kids have an offer to go to such colleges as Harvard.

That will not work well at all with the other inmates.

While in there, he has to realize that he is just another one of the guys and act accordingly.

Telling a group of people in prison how much money you had on the street will get a person hurt even if he is not a sex offender.

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Just want to add that my LO is very intelligent. He has gotten thru ok, not good, but ok. He was able to bunk w/ a friend. It took some doing, but they finally pulled it off. He's been hassled by some young punks, but that's what they are; punks. They soon find their way to the tix block w/ their big mouths. Commisary is a big deal. I sent him an article on what to keep on hand, which helped. He keeps to himself, only talks to a few others, and NEVER goes out to the yard. As our good friend REW says; it's "do-able". I hope to read thru Joes blog for any info I can pass along.

Good timing for this post, just seen my son and he was telling me about a incident that happened with his "cellie" and how HE acted, it shocked me as this is not him or how he normally acts...I told him to make sure he stays outta trouble and worry about his self not his cell mate, he told me mom you dont understand if you dont stand by your cell mate and yourself you will get beat in here. This is just county jail. I know hes doing what he has to in order to safe but it just not the normal him :(

@Psalms,

When your husband goes to prison, he needs to stay off the yard. The yard is the exercise yard or the area away from the cell house where inmates congregate. This is where many of them jog or walk.

A good portion of inmate assaults happen on the yard. It would be best if he stayed out of the gym also.

No, it is not a good idea to stay in the cell all the time, as that raises red flags with the other inmates, but stay close to the cell house.

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He doesnt wear $700 sunglasses. The eyeglasses he has on now are the ones im referring to..not because of their cost but because they look expensive and nerdy, and that combined with all the other things said about how NOT to look concerns me so I guess description wise he fits Joe's profile. ...Don't go out in the yard cause you arent safe , dont go to the gym cause that's bad too, but don't stay in your cell cause that makes you look like a scared hiding sex offender and that looks bad too, so then is there a place where "sex offenders" should go? Probably not because then all the gangs and punks and arians will know "that's the sex offender hideout". You shouldnt don't have a certain kind of hairstyle, maybe shave your head, don't wear facial hair like a beard excuse my language but it all sounds fucking ludicrous. ..sounds like a bunch of animals and everyone one of them has their own set of rules. As far as I can see. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. He's better off dead, I'm not going to pass on any of this "enlightening info" on to him...it's worthless because everyone says something different and it will only upset him. He cant even get through a day in a detention center barely without being fucked with by the guards, forget the inmates. The only consensus I have formed is that it's hard and frightening and inconsistent and violent. I would rather bury my husband at 56 years old right NOW than to live a life knowing what he was enduring for 15 or 18 years. I applaud those of you who got out alive and mentally stable. It was definitely hard time for you guys and you should be commended. ...going to bed now...this drained me.

Obviously you mileage may vary depending on where you are in the US. The prison I went to was 1/3 filled with SOs so it wasn't too difficult to get by unscathed.

OnceFallen makes a good point.

Prison has changed over the years. When I was in prison in 1992 until 2000, there were not many sex offenders among the prison population, so they were easy to single out. There were no child pornography or internet solicitation charges back then, so the number of SOs in prison back then compared with the number of SOs in prison today was very low.

Now, with all the child pornography and internet solicitation charges plus the fact that you can get arrested much easier now than back then, there are a lot more SOs in prison and that should make it much safer for a new inmate.

Also the geographical area does play a small part. Prisons in the Bible Belt, full of rednecks, are usually more dangerous than those in more progressive areas of the country such as the New England states.

And state prisons are more dangerous than federal prisons. In federal prisons, there are a lot of white collar, first time offenders, who are very passive. In these prisons, SOs should be a little safer than state prisons which are filled with mostly fools for inmates.

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Psalm, what I say, is that everyone should do what they feel is good for them. Some may want to disclose their crime, others have a convincing cover story. Hubby told his cellmate, and the cellmate told all the other prisoners a cover story (this guy was a former gang member, so everyone believed him). At his new prison, hubby tells people its none of their damned business. He is able to pull it off, as he looks like he's about ready to pound someone (even though he has never gotten in a fight). And those who know him, knows he is a good guy and say that he doesn't belong there.

Hubby doesn't go out to yard very often, and is only in dayroom long enough to shower, talk to a couple of guys, make his calls and goes back to his cell. When people ask why he doesn't come out more, he says he can't stand the mentality of a lot of the guys, so he goes to his cell to get away from the idiots (a lot of the older guys completely understand what he means).

Since your husband is in his 50's, have him hang out with the guys who are older, it's the kids that cause a lot of the problems. Also if he hangs out with the other Christians, he will ensure he doesn't get involved with the wrong people. Do what is comfortable for him. He will learn and adapt to form what his best for him.

This is a long road. And like you said, it would be better that our husbands died vs having them in prison for decades (mine is in for 30 yrs). But I am also glad he is still here...

TAW, what you said in your second paragraph is how my LO plays it. Even tho he's seen so much since he's been in there he's a bit shocked that the most recent loudmouth is only 17!

Yep. It's always the younger guys that cause a lot of the problems. His cellmate is in his 30's, drives him nuts, but because he's an SO he puts up with him. He doesn't have to worry about his back when he's in the cell with him. His cellmate takes advantage of all the yard and dayroom opportunities, so hubby actually has some quiet time to himself.