I'm gripped with sadness, pain, confusion, and anguish right now. For a little context, the experience lostlonelysad posted about here is eerily similar to mine, though everything initially happened last November when the FBI served a search warrant on our house at 6am and charged my (now former) partner, who I'd been with for over a decade, with possession and production of CP (not in-person, but by eliciting images from victims over a social media app). He told the detectives that he'd been interested in CP since he was 12, which I believe indicates he himself was a victim, but we have not been able to talk about this.

As I'm sure many of you understand, it's been the worst thing I've ever dealt with, though as time has gone on some days feel almost normal again. I've reached a space where I can offer emotional support, compassion, and kindness, but recently had to deny a request from his attorney to allow him to stay with me if he were granted release. What a horrible decision; it feels like I made a call in direct violation with my values, but my family was so scared for my physical safety due to concerns about how people in the community might respond if he were released. Many of my close neighbors also have young children and I didn't want to cause them additional fear and stress, and even though I haven't been told of any evidence to suggest he had physical contact with any kids, there is some potentially concerning circumstantial evidence involving one of my young cousins.

But now I'm so scared for his physical safety and mental well-being. I just spoke with him on the phone and he's so devastated, believing that everyone wants him dead. He's having severe anxiety and has struggled with anxiety in the past.  I asked him if he could get counseling and he said no, that there are 120 inmates to 1 guard where he is, so there are not nearly enough resources for that.