You are not alone! There are going to be many things you will have to make decisions about but you do not need to do anything right now but breathe. If you want to have someone listen, I am willing! Blessings!

I’m trying to breathe...but I can hardly sleep, or eat...I feel like I’m feeling everything and nothing at once. I haven’t been able to speak to him since this all happened. It’s been an entire weekend of just misery and loneliness. I have family that are trying to help me...but how do they relate? Or understand? It’s not one of those things that you can go to anyone for advice....he will be arraigned tomorrow and I am not sure I’ll keep it together when I go . I just feel isolated and empty. I don’t know how to begin to start recovering from this.

I would like to suggest you journaling everything in your mind and heart - even if it seems trivial. Also, if you are planning to stay connected for any amount of time, I recommend setting a strict budget. Prison debt is very real.
You only have today to deal with...you can make a specific to-do list and stay focused on that or you can let yourself drift. Be gentle with yourself!

Thank you for the suggestion. I haven’t been home in a couple days...I couldn’t be there by myself...but I will pick up a journal today. Today I have specific things to get done because it’s finally a business day...the weekend has just been me drifting around unable to do anything and only crying and thinking and more crying. I just want to wake up from the nightmare. I was so blissfully happy for the first time...and it was all destroyed in seconds...this man that I was/am completely in love with...I never could imagine this

I am in a very similar situation. My finance was arrested only 5 days ago. I was no happy and never imagined I could be that happy. Then with out warning he’s gone. Nobody around me can relate or understand how I could even want to see him. I did see him finally yesterday, I can barely breath through all of this. I’m left with a home we just caught and in the dead of winter on one income with my three children. I don’t know what to do, or how to feel. I have no idea what to feel..and I know that I can’t be with him when this is all over due to CP services. I don’t think I want to anyway. But I can’t help but love him...

I’m so sorry, it’s the most lonely and heartbreaking feeling. My boyfriends visitation isn’t until tomorrow so I’ve still not seen or spoken to him. Fortunately my family and friends understand that I need to see him. No one that knows him can believe he is capable of the terrible charges that have been placed on him, but sometimes you just don’t know. I know that even if he isn’t guilty, which at this point I don’t know at all, I wouldn’t be able to have him back in my life out of fear of my ex taking custody of my daughter. So right now I just feel like he’s died. He was suddenly taken from my seemingly perfectly happy life and I still love him so much but I don’t think I’ll ever get him back even if the outcome is in his favor.

You are so very right, it’s like he died. Gone without warning..maybe that would be easier though. I know he’s 2hoirs away and that I can never have my happy life back with him. People in my life seem to be so judgmental of me as well so I don’t have as much support as I would have hoped. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. And it’s so hard to find someone relatable to understand what I’m going through. I wish you luck with the visit, it actually made me a little better to see him. I am going back in 2 days again..it’s so hard my head tells me to run my heat says you can’t...

I can also understand how you are feeling, and how lonely a feeling it it. My whole world imploded in an instant almost a year ago now. And I honestly don't know how I put one foot I in front of the other to make it through this past year.
The only thing that you can do is take one moment at a time, one day at a time. Make whatever decisions feel right to you in your heart at each moment. You will survive this, and you are not alone.

Summer

I went through this during the summer. I didn’t sleep or eat for days. It was like he was dead and I couldn’t sleep in our bed. It does get easier day by day. Stay strong.

Thank you Kkpp. It is slowly getting better...reading that other people are going through or have gone through this too has helped me feel like I’m not so alone in this

Oh lostloneysad, how you sound exactly like me and how I felt 25 July 2015 the day I received the call when my whole foundation was jerked right from under me. Everything you said about feeling like he had died, being in your home amongst his things, the feeling insanely alone. It’s the single most horrific nightmare to live through. Your workd changes in an instant. The fear & the uncertainties. I’m so very sorry for what you’re feeling. I would NEVER wish on anyone even a part of what you’re going through. You’re so not alone. I didn’t know a group like this existed. I didn’t have this. I’m grateful for you that you found this group as quickly as you have. It might not feel like it yet, & maybe it has already came down a level or so for you, but the shock will dissipate at some point. It’s different for everyone. Stay strong.

Thank you for your kind words. Things have come down a little but im definitely suffering a great deal of anxiety. I’m trying to live day by day and take care of myself and my daughter but the anxiety can be overwhelming at times. I suffered from mild anxiety before and my boyfriend was the one person that knew how to calm me in times of anxiety and now when I’m living in it constantly he’s not here to help me through it and it just compounds the feelings of helplessness.

Do you have someone to confide in? Someone impartial. Not family, Not someone who you are both friends with. Someone you respect who can see this with an open mind and open heart. A good counselor would be your best bet. Not someone who tries to tell you what “you need to do”, but someone who can guide you to find your own answers. If you can find someone who you know to be a respected medicinal therapist to prescribe you something for anxiety, even just temporarily, might be something your open to. What works for one, isn’t what always for another. Right now is your time to focus on you and your little girl. No matter what he’s done, it doesn’t mean you have to stop loving him. If someone tells you otherwise, they’re incorrect. We can’t tell our hearts not to love someone. But what we do need to remind ourselves is that we deserve to live life to the fullest. We have to realize it shouldn’t hurt to love someone. Hurting and confusion and anger and resentment....they come with this type of nightmare. This type of thing is complex. There are times to be emotional & times to be strategic. In the beginning I had to be strategic and strong to better understand my emotions. I still do. I’m this far in and God knows somedays I feel like I’ve barely moved forward an inch.
I won’t ever tell you “I know how you feel.” I can’t know. Because I’m not you. You have your own perceptions, understandings and history with this person and in your own life. I will tell you I can relate to where you are right now.
It’s effed up. It’s not fair. It’s shitty. It may feel like it, but it’s not the end of the world. In those moments you feel like it is, just sit and watch your daughter. Her life tells you much of what your tomorrow holds as well as your future. How can you see her and truly feel it’s hopeless? It’s not Honey. You’re world has been dumped upside down. All that means is that you have to figure out what it will take to build a new world for you and your daughter. And that means take each step as you come to it. Stay strong. She needs you to stay strong so that she doesn’t also have to pay a price for what he’s done. This will show you more of your capabilities than anything else you’ve experienced this far. I promise you that!

I do have a counselor, I was very fortunate to get back in with her shortly after this all began. She has been very helpful, though I had an extremely overwhelming day last week and none of my normal coping mechanisms were working to relieve the anxiety so I am beginning to think that anxiety medication may be a good option for me right now. I have been trying to focus more on me and my daughter. This last weekend she and I spent a lot of time together and played at the park. She is probably the main reason I've been able to hold it together this much. While this is the most terrible situation that I have ever been in, I know that I can survive it. I've not had a particularly easy life and I've made it through times that seemed like the worst time of my life and I know that I can come out the other side, but this situation is just an unimaginable one and has been more difficult than others. I've tried to be strategic and strong, but I have those moments when I just have to grieve. I feel like I've lost my best friend, my happiness, the future that I wanted. I know that none of that is for certain right now, he hasn't been convicted and his attorney is even hopeful about his case...but I can't help not letting myself get my hopes up because it would just be another traumatic loss in my life.

When you have those moments, it’s very ok to grieve. Give yourself permission to do just that. No one can you how to deal with this. Not even of their going through situations almost identical, they will deal with things differently.
You sound strong. It actually helps me to hear you talk so strong... & this isn’t new for me.
Thank you for that. :-)