Families of SOs Community Group
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I think in Pennsylvania where I'm originally from, old school politics plays a role in every piece of legislation that is acted on, even this. Pretty much, get out there, make noise, do something people will notice and you'll get reelected.
I will give you a few ideas on the best way for your son to survive the registry with the least amount of trouble. I know this works because I have seen it work.
There are two things he needs to do: 1) do not think of himself as a sex offender, and 2) don't act like a sex offender or a criminal in general. He also needs to keep a low profile.
Many sex offenders hear the hype from the media so often that I think they begin to think that they are indeed worthless and everything the media portrays them to be. They allow the media and others to define who they really are. They start to believe the hype themselves.
Yes, your son was in possession of some cp for whatever reason, but c'mon folks, does anyone with any common sense really think he is a sex offender? I don't and neither should he. He is just a kid that mistakenly downloaded some naughty images. It is not like he assaulted another person or molested a bunch of kids. He's not a sex offender. He is only collateral damage in this sex offender hysteria we have created in this country.
Keep his chin up, smile, and don't ever allow anyone to take his dignity.
Here is the most important advice: Don't act like a sex offender or a bad guy.
When he goes to register or even to Wal Mart to shop, leave all the tattered clothing and jeans with holes in them at home. No, he does not have to wear a suit and tie, but look nice. I have seen too many guys at the grocery store and other places with their hair uncombed, their shirt size about three sizes too small with their belly showing, dirty clothes, etc. They look like trash-----and people will see them as trash.
Wherever he goes----even when he goes to register----be nice, be polite, be a gentleman. Say yes ma'am and yes sir even if you don't particularly like that person. Do not have an attitude or appear MENACING in any way. Smile. Make eye contact, but do not stare. Act like the very nice young man that I know he is.
Here is why this is so important. Appearances are important because people often judge by what they see.
And there is one thing I can tell you with 100% assurance------as time goes by and people at least know who he is and he presents the picture of a gentleman and just a good kid, others will begin to see him less as a sex offender and more and more as just a young kid who made a mistake. I know his downloads were not intentional, but I think you understand where I am coming from.
It is very difficult for people to continue to demonize or dislike someone when that person is always nice, friendly, and continues to conduct himself as a "nice guy."
Most of the people in my area know me as a nice person. Why? Because I am polite. I am RESPECTFUL to others. I open doors for people at the store when I shop and do the little things that make a difference. I am helpful. I take tomatoes over to the neighbors when I have my garden. These little things make me seem as an "OK guy" and it is difficult to continue to dislike someone like that.
Anyway, good luck.
rewdiazepam
All his life, even without me telling him to, has always opened doors for others, says thank you to people.
He dresses a little dark, has some tattoos and might wear his hair a big different, but living in Philly that makes no difference (another reason for moving here), unlike Floriduh where people didn't like him just because of how he looked. He's very clean , never messy or dirty. He's proud of how he looks and it shows.
He'll also have a job and be part owner of our store. He'll make more money than that probation officer who has a leash on him.
He doesn't see himself as a sex offender. We talk almost daily and he tells me what kind of physical training he will be doing. He wants to take some martial arts classes.. and I'm hoping that won't be an issue with the PO. He takes care of himself and tells me how I need to take care of myself. He inspires me.
I think he'll be ok. He has a home, a job, a small family.. me and my daughter.. who love him. He gets sad about some things but with moving to Philly and having a support system here I'm hoping it won't be too bad on him.
I appreciate your thoughts an it's given me hope as well.
Yes, Nak, I have no doubt that your son will get through this fine. He WILL do fine. It will be difficult but he will make it. He's a good kid from a good family and it is sad that these things happen, but they do.
I have always known that the registrants whose mother, wife, or girlfriend---and let's not forget the dads and sisters---post on this board are A-OK and come from a decent, caring family. How do I know this? Because he had a mother, a wife, or a girlfriend--or sister or father--- that took the time to register and the humility to put her complete story on here for everyone to see. Some of these stories are not pleasant, but the registrant was loved enough that someone put all the "cards on the table" in an effort to make things better for the person they loved.
I can name all the mothers and wives that are on here day after day, helping others, but also looking for answers in an effort to cope with this madness we call the sex offender registry, but naming is not necessary. We all know who they are.
We WILL all overcome this in our own little way. We have to just stick together and support each other.
rewdiazepam
If they asked my opinion (which nobody does, of course), I would say that pedophilia is not a medical disorder. However, to act on the urges is a social disorder. There are many pedophiles who live perfectly healthy and normal lives without ever acting on their sexual feelings.
Some do suffer tremendously because their natural instincts clash so heavily with social boundaries. This is extremely stressful for some. Stressful to the point that they cannot live in the community without supports. This is where the psychiatrists come in to deal with the management of behaviors.
The word pedophile is grossly misused. The failure to understand this is the CAUSE of a tremendous amount of suffering for many, many people.
Nakohichi, I truly believe that your son innocently made an accidental download. It is absurd to punish him for this. He did not hurt anyone! One of the main purposes of government is to protect us from those who would harm us.
In this case, the government is wrong! Seriously wrong. The politicians don't know how to protect us. How can they if they don't even understand the meaning of the words they are using?!
I would say Ms. Toepel is seriously misinformed and is CAUSING more harm through her ignorance. She says she looking forward to the Governor signing her bill. Well, I'm looking forward to the time when people start acting like rational adults over this matter and quit being influenced by the ongoing mobbing of people who need support, not punishment in order for us to be safe.
In the meantime, the "war" continues because the people in power are looking in the wrong direction.
When I was in Floriduh I called senators and others , 1 spoke with me and he knew about the bad laws and also had a friend who's son was 'caught' in it. But he was not going to change anything. Another office I just spoke with his contact and she made like they had no idea these laws were so bad. I didn't believe her. They know, or should know at this point in the game.