I said you should hold on until he is released to see how he acts, but I only said that because he is at the end of his sentence.

But if he was treating me the way he has treated you and he still had something like 10 more years to serve, then I would feel differently.

Nobody deserves the abuse you have taken from this man.

You may never recapture your love for him because he has done something that no man or woman should ever do if they value the relationship----he has said hurtful things he cannot take back and it has hurt you. Arguing is fine, but a person always has to be careful what is said, as some things are just like sticking a knife in your gut----and they cannot ever be taken back.

Who knows if your love will ever be the same again. I do know one thing----he is killing your love for him and diving you away. And things will never be good again if he does not change his attitude.

This is just not fair to you. Two things much be present in a relationship to make it worthwhile---1) trust and 2) respect. You will have to answer to yourself if you still have those two things for your husband.

Good luck,

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Yes, loving your husband under these circumstaces is honorable. But please know that the effects of verbal abuse is cumulative. The effects can take effect years later, in many forms, some of the even impacting your health. Believe me, I'm living proof.

He's got to be severely depressed. He needs treatment. Once he gets out, he may start to turn around if he gets the treatment he needs. I'm with REW. Hang in there until he is out. In the meantime, try not to get hooked into any of his drama. But also don't make any promises for the future that you think you may not be able to keep. You can support him through the end of his time and help him when he gets out, but keep the escape hatch cracked open. You may have to adios for you own good.

in all honesty? if i were to receive those kinds of letters over and over again to the point that i no longer wanted to read them? and dreaded them showing up in the mailbox??? i would be very hard pressed to hand on. i probably would have mailed then straight back to him adding a letter of my own. i would ask him why? why do you treat me this way, why do you talk to me in this way when all i have done is love you and stand by you.

i would point blank ask him that if he really feels that badly about you? why does he even bother to write. that you want to help but that you do not want the abuse from him and that you are not going to stand for it any longer.

but that's me.....

You can only make the decision on what's best for you. I'm sorry he continues to treat you this way....

Peeks answer was very good. Please know that you are a good person with good traditional values. You have worth. Don't let anybody take that from you!

Let's be real... Just for a second.

I suffered through verbal (among many other forms) of abuse growing up. I don't care what your going through... You have no right to speak to anyone that way! ESPECIALLY the one who's stood by your side!

He'd get all of his sorry letters unopened folded neatly in an envelope sent right back to him. If he can't speak to you with love and respect... He can't speak to you. And I'd let him know that.

You tell him exactly what you've told us. And tell him not to waste his stamps if he's going to be an ass. It's one thing to live and support through the difficult times... Another completely to allow yourself to become an emotional punching bag.

This life has very little justice or fairness. You do not need to make up for that. It is a terrible thing that has happened to all of us on here. But you choose to be a victim or you choose to move on. His behavior is his choice it the only thing the system can not mandate is how you look at life and how you choose to show others who you really are. The system make this very hard, but not impossible. Send the letters back, with a letter about how you love and respect him, but will not take this abuse. You support him and hope the man you respected, admired, and loved will show himself again. You are always open to hearing about his struggles and fears, but you will not let him disrespect you or himself.. You love both of you to much for that!

EffieSteffie speaks well. I'd give him the boot in a heartbeat. It's asking a lot to expect a woman to stand beside a sex offender. They should be dripping in honey. My husband tells me every single day how much he appreciates my support. If he sent me one letter like your husband did, we'd be history. No woman should ever allow that!

I feel same way rew states and peekachu .he may be hurt and depressed and feels like his life is over .which it isnt .he needs to realize whom is there for him thru thick and thin ..when the world falls apart you there to lift him up and be there for support ..in jail he probly had it very hard and its not easy to handle .they need to adjust when they get out. Keep showing ur love and support but if he continues on being mean or even abusive please make sure you have a safety plan in place ..ill be praying. For your situation and your marriage ..God be with you always .huggs .if you need to ever talk to someone who came out from an abusive marriage .i have and its by miracle God protected me from the things that went thru .this sec marriage is a marriage from above .even though my hub on registry .i love him more than anyone outside of Jesus.yes we may argue here and there but never violent or emotionally mean to one another .my hub is in bad health.lotsa dr appointments . and things arent easy but God is in our lives to get us thru everything ..including this unjust registry ...i dont knoe if you believe in prayers but i do and ill be praying diligently for your situation to get so much better .and all to be good .as well as protection .in Jesus name .again we here for you .

Mine is the same way to an extent. He has gotten out and it was good for a few months and then the apathy set in. He tells me he cannot look for a job because he will never be able to get one with his charges. He tells me he will just work the odd jobs here and there and keep his head down. He gets mad when I say have emotional needs too and that he isn't physically able to be here so he should mentally be prepared to stand up and help me. He tells me he has already decided that this is going to be the way his life is so he has chosen to accept it rather than rock the boat. He tells me that I, too, have to accept everything as is. What he terms rocking the boat means actually getting a job and making goals within the confines of his restrictions. He will hear nothing when I tell him that it seems a little crappy to just give up on everything for six years. I say do what your heart tells you. If it is saying get out now then do it. Only you can make the best decision.

Seareth,

You are suffering from a guy who is on the brink of giving up.

I will tell you what I tell women with husbands or boyfriends in prison---above all, protect yourself and your children; after all, your children are your most precious asset.

If a woman has a guy who was released from prison, but does not want to work or be an emotional support for her in her life, she does not need him. He will do nothing but cause heartache for her in the future and will eventually drag her down with him.

The most important thing is that putting up with his nonsense makes you start to question yourself "why?" "Why am I allowing this guy to do this to me?" You become almost ashamed of yourself. The guys who don't try sometimes begin to rob the wife or girlfriend of her dignity and when that happens, a loss of self-esteem invariably follows.

Once someone loses their self-esteem, they begin to feel as if they have no worth as a human being and then they allow even more abuse. This just becomes a viscous circle.

Relationships are a two way street and are built on respect for each other. Both have to work toward respecting and trusting each other or the relationship will die.

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