Its ok....lots of us have been right where you are now.
Big hugs

Does it ever get better? I've felt so hopeless in all my life.

Yes it does it might not seem like it right now but it will.

Was this rape of the 15 year old young lady a forcible rape against her consent?? Did he force her, or was it a statutory situation in which he just had sex with an underage female? There is a huge difference.

How old was your husband when this rape allegedly occurred??

Just because someone is found guilty at trial does not mean they were actually guilty of the crime. Juries get it wrong all the time. He may be an innocent man. I work with the Innocence Project at times and the great majority of DNA exonerations are from cases involving sexual assault.

There are a lot of innocent men in prison over bogus sex charges.

You and he need to have a long, heart-to-heart talk. There are aspects to this case that you have a right to know as his wife. Do you feel he has been truthful with you about this offense??

I would first recommend that you see a therapist or some form of professional health person to discuss your anxiety over this incident. You cannot change the circumstances, but you can certainly change your view of the circumstances. The therapist can help you understand how and why you are feeling the way you feel. You need someone to talk to.

Of course, there is life after a felony conviction of a sex crime. I was falsely accused years ago, went to trial, and lost. I then went to prison for almost a decade before being released. The case was a high profile case and most of the people in town knew I was innocent. Since my release, I have done fine.

A felony conviction----even on a rape charge----should not be a life ender. I know several guys in prison who had sex charges and they are all doing fine.

If you love him and he treats you well, then you need to make every effort to make your marriage work. You owe it to yourself to at least do that. Finding someone to love does not happen every day, so if you still care about him, you two should talk it out and support each other.

Don’t you dare think about suicide!!!! There is light at the end of this dark tunnel.

There are over 830,000 registered sex offenders in the United States and most of them are doing OK. There is no reason that you and your husband cannot do the same.

rewdiazepam

Honestly, it's a very complex situation. He was 21 and she was 15 (3 weeks before her 16th birthday). In Australia, the age of consent is 16. They were still talking happily for 5 years after the events and they seemed friendly. In fact we used to fight about it all the time, because I thought he was cheating on me.

Then overnight it seemed to get nasty. She said he raped her and in a very brutal way, thus all the media attention. He was charged with what the American would call Statutory rape, but aggravated by non-consent. Initially, I believed him completely. I thought why would she date him for years and seem so loving if it wasn't consensual? But the media wears you down and you start to question everything. I just don't want to be an awful person who dismissed the rape of child. At the same time, I don't want him to feel unbelieved either.

In the end, he plead guilty to sleeping with her underage, but contested the non-consent element. A single judge decided and it came down to who she believed more. There was no physical evidence by then as it happened 7 years before.

I feel he's honest. I can ask him anything. I've spoken a therapist and she helped a bit. Both his psychological assessments came back really well. I just don't know that I will ever know the truth.

I think perhaps you would be better served by not listening to the media and appeal to your own common sense. The media has an agenda, which is to create controversy and dramatize their stories to attract more viewers. The juicier the story, the better as it increases ratings----and to hell with the truth.

He was 21 and she was almost 16, which is only five years difference. After all, this is not a case in which she was a 10 or 11 year old child who had no idea what she was doing. This almost 16 year old knew exactly what she was doing; she may as well have been 18 years old as she was a mature young lady.

Your husband is just the one who had to pay the price.

These situations in which two people are very close in age is a case in which the government is criminalizing normal behavior-----sex. Apparently. it was consensual.

The fact that they were friendly for several years after the incident tells me that it was not violent or she was not forced to have sex. If it had been forced, she would have had nothing to do with him afterward.

Human nature never lies and human nature dictates that a girl raped against her will would be very, very unlikely to be friendly with the guy who assaulted her.

But apparently something happened to make her want to make up the story that she was brutally raped. I know often what happens is that daddy finds out that his little angel has been having sex, so the young lady has to make up a story that the sex was non-consensual. That may or may not be the situation with your husband. But I have seen this scenario dozens of times.

You said, “But the media wears you down and you start to question everything.”

Yes, they do, and if you listen to the media and disregard common sense, it will drive you crazy. Trust me, the media does not always present the facts.

I would not question my husband given the facts of this case.

You said, “I just don't want to be an awful person who dismissed the rape of child. At the same time, I don't want him to feel unbelieved either.”

First, this young lady was NOT a “child.” She was almost a grown woman and she was not an innocent child. She might like for you to think she was this innocent child, but she was not. Given the circumstances, I don’t see how you could doubt your husband.

My gosh, even his psychological assessments were positive. These psychosexual evaluations are usually very accurate, so I doubt very much that he is some sort of rapist.

One thing for sure is that you will never know exactly the truth of what happened. But is that necessary for you to love your husband??? I don’t know the truth either, but you have learned enough to know that your husband did not rape a child. I think that is all that matters.

To believe that your husband is a bad guy, you would have to say that the psychological test was wrong, that this young lady had no idea what she was doing when they had sex, that your husband is a liar and a rapist, and that your common sense has betrayed you when you think that the sex was anything but consensual.

To believe that your husband is a bad person, you would have to think that this young lady is forthcoming with the truth while everything else points to her being deceptive. In other words, you would have to believe that this young lady is right and everything else is wrong.

I think your husband just received a raw deal from the criminal justice system. Sure, he probably made a mistake by having sex with this young lady, but people should not have to be punished the rest of their life for a mistake.

If you truly love this guy, then I think you should believe in him and go on with your lives. Yes, there will be people who will talk and say bad things about your husband. People who love to gossip and put other people down usually do so to compensate for all their failures in life. Misery loves company, you know.

In your heart, you should know your husband is not a rapist, and that is all that matters. You and he need to go on with your lives. It is really pitiful that these situations happen, but innocent men are convicted all the time.

Both you and your husband should walk proudly with your heads up. He has done nothing to be ashamed of and neither have you.

One prescription for a ruined life is trying to please everyone around you and worrying what others “may think.” Just live your life and be happy. Your guy is fine.

God bless you and your family.

rewdiazepam

Unfortunately one of the things that happens here quite a bit (iam in Australia too) is that child services get involved and well tell the girls that what happened was really bad weather it was consented to or not. Please stop paying attention to the news! The other thing is that this person is now able to get a lot of money from the government on the victims of crime stuff and yes they can use that money for anything.

Ok wich bit of Australia are you in??
As for how long well my man got 4 years on the bottom and 6 on the top so 4 years in and 2 on parole. It like yours came down to one judges call and we got a jusge who well its was her first case and wanted to make a name for herself wich is why we got so much for something he didn't do.
You guys know the truth the papers make things sound worse then what they are stay away from it as much as you can.
If you need tobtalk iam hear.

Mine got 5 years and 6 months (3.5 years with parole). I'm in Western Australia.

Our situations sound similar. Our judge was brand new and had been working as a prosecutor just before. I asked our lawyer if there was a possibility that she would have worked on my husband's case before she became a judge. I was told that it couldn't happen, but I don't believe she had never seen it. Everyone on my office knows everything that goes on and we call talk about our work.

Where are you from?

Iam in Victoria.
Wow he was lucky to get that! He really is. It is possible that she had heard about it and had made up her mind about it before she head the cass its crazy for us it was a case that she hated people who do that stuff so she said that was will make a example of him.
Hugs