SleepHappy,

I am sorry that you have been placed in this situation.

You and your family are very fortunate that your son was not charged with a crime for the touching of the two young ladies. You are only having to deal with CPS and not the criminal justice system, although CPS can be ruthless and unforgiving.

Initiating therapy for both your son AND the daughters was a wise choice indeed. As the mother, you might need a few sessions to help sort out your thoughts and emotions.

I have spoken to dozens of mothers over the years who were in your situation with the son as the perpetrator and his sister as the victim. These situations place an undue burden on the mother, as she tries to show she still loves both her son and her daughter. Sometimes the daughter resents the mother supporting the son, as she was the victim. So it is very difficult.

Most very young offenders---as is your son---respond to therapy quite well, so he can probably be treated and helped. He is certainly going to need some intensive counseling to try to determine why he acted out.

As a mother, it is important they you protect yourself and stay healthy, both mentally and physically. You may need some light meds or therapy to help you carry this load.

It is important for you to try to take one day at a time. I know it is only human nature to be fearful about the future, but it is best if we keep it to a minimum. Your situation is a tough one, since you are the mother of one of the victims and the perpetrator.

I think the only thing you can do is get all your children into therapy, keep the faith, and see how this turns out.

God bless you and your family,

rewdiazepam

Thanks, we are still waiting (it's been 6 weeks) to see whether he will be charged or not. In the meantime, we are just in limbo. Waiting...and trying desperately to keep our family normal. Well, as normal as we can with part of the family out of the house :( I spend most days just trying to keep it together for the other kids, but I feel like I am being sucked down a drain. :(

hello, unfortunately, I understand very well what you are going thru. I am mom to both offender and victim. My oldest admitted to what he did to his brother. He has been out of the home in a residential placement since my lil boy told me what was going on. I still cry and its been over a year!! I am on anti depressants, anti anxiety med's, in counseling myself as well as my son ( victim) , my daughter( middle child ). Keep praying. Give it to God!! Its the only reason I have been able to get up everyday since! I give all I have everyday to keep it together for the other kids, all while supporting oldest son( SO). My son is now giving me so much grief about "he's old enough to make decisions about his future". His bio father is out of picture and has been, so my husband( bio dad to youngest son) is kind of stand off-ish. However very supportive to me & children at home. I understand the embarrassment, concern, thoughts of future for all of us, etc. I will pray for your family! Some days are just darker than others.

Thank you for sharing with me Parentto3. You can understand how alone I feel--and how difficult it is to carry on most days. I would love to chat with you more if you are okay with that!

I recently found out that my 16 yo son has molested (God that is such a hard word to admit) two of my nieces from different sides of our family. My oldest niece came forward and my son admitted what he had done, he also admitted to the other victim. We had to call her parents and tell them ourselves.
We are still waiting on criminal charges. Law enforcement immediately called in every resource they could think of when we said we had hired a lawyer. DNA tests (even though my niece and son gave no indication there was any fluids), insisted my parents would need to give statements, etc..
We can't move forward until there are charges, we can't start treatment. Our parents have supported my son, the rest of the family prefers to think that my son no longer exists. I cant imagine going on like this.

Forgiven75,

The wisest thing your family could have done was to retain a criminal defense attorney for this young man.

An attorney will protect the family and insulate the offender from law enforcement. Without an attorney, law enforcement will run roughshod over folks and violate their rights as United States citizens.

Take it slow and listen to your attorney.

Good luck and God bless your family,

rewdiazepam

Yes, that is what we found out the hard way. We should have hired an attorney right away--and we didn't :( The detective turned out to be a complete ass and a bully. We now have an attorney for our son (he was finally charged last week :( ) Saying prayers Forgiven!

People who have had no previous experience with the police or the criminal justice system often wrongly believe that the police----law enforcement----are their friend and are there to help the situation. After all, we were all brought up to believe the cops were the good guys.

As a result, they trust the police and either give a complete confession or give information the police can twist and turn to make the accused look worse.

Police only do two things-----arrest people and help with the prosecution AND keep the peace. They are NOT humanitarians, so when they say, “We would just like to hear your side of the story,” or “if we can talk, we can probably clear this matter up,” that is BS and the police know that. They just want the some more information to bury the accused.

LE only wants to talk to three different groups of people----the witness to a crime, the victim of a crime, and someone accused of a crime. If you are neither a witness nor a victim, then you can bet they consider you a suspect and you would be wise to exercise your Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination and keep your mouth shut. Instead, tell the cop you want to speak to your attorney and you will under no circumstances talk to anyone without your attorney. Then keep it zipped up.

Many a man has talked his way into a conviction or even to prison.

rewdiazepam

Yes, that is what happened with us. The detective asked if he could speak to our son "for a minute" ...90 minutes later he came back upstairs after reading our son his rights (without us being there) and taking a statement. He didn't care that our son is ADHD and on the autism spectrum. The detective wrote our son was "cold and callous" when being interviewed. Oh, the things I wish we had known. :( But, like you said--we are were new to the whole thing and that by being compliant it would go better for us. AHAHHHAHAHAHA

I'm so sorry that happened to your son. My son is also ADHD and has been tested for autism. I was grateful that we went to our pastor first and he recommended that we got the lawyer or we probably would have cooperated with LE. When the detective called and asked why we got a lawyer, he basically told us that he (the lawyer)would "make things more difficult." Then he proceeds to make things worse for my niece. She is already misremembering facts, has been subjected to an exam, forced to submit to a DNA test and all the while LE is telling her parents that they "have to" do this. No they don't! All she had to do was make one statement, not three! The statement would have been enough to bring charges, we aren't contesting her statement. We will not force her to go through anymore than she already has. But yet this detective has implied that he has no choice. It's not hard to see why so many crimes go unreported when victims are put through this.