Ha, I'm quite well known for not being easily pushed about ;).

Or I've heard it being said "being hit over the head with a 2 X 4" to get them to wake up and see what they have and are in jeopardy of loosing....

That's certainly what I was tempted to do to him! Lol

Phoenixmumm: I think you are right when you say he is/was "emotionally detached and isolated by his offending" So much is said about how they have to Isolate us in order to continue to do whatever they are doing and still hang onto to a semblance of family to keep us from realizing what's going on and reject them out of hand.

But, then, once it all comes out ( the knock at the door) we see then that he's the one still isolated and largely rejected by everyone and we are the ones who must decide whether to go and leave him isolated and alone or stay and hope we can make a new/ different life together in spite of all the shame and blame that attaches to us also if we chose to stay.

In the beginning I thought of it as "stay" or "go" but it's that third choice that offers hope. that together we maybe can find ways to build bridges and learn how to offer real mutual/ emotional support to one another, that is what makes going forward possible. Some people, for what ever reasons can't "rest' others join the Haters in condemnation and run away quickly but for those who find courage and patience to reset, well I for one am not crazy enough to be glad all this happened but I know I wouldn't want to go back to being the way we used to be either.

All 'this' changes our whole lives and often for the better despite all the pain and anger and isolation we have to wade through to find a new relationship on the other side of the "rest button" .

I tell my husband that we will never have the same life we used to, but we build our 'new normal' life when he's released, whatever that will be, it will become normal to us eventually. We definitely talk more openly with one another now, it's sad it had to come to this to have that happen, but we're here now, we HAVE to make the best of it.

Hello,

The best thing you could have done is to join this group. Here you will get the understanding you need. This group shows compassion for you BUT at the same they will tell you the truth whether you want to hear it or not. I love DS and I dont think I would have made it these years without them.
I can also say I felt alone when my husband was first sent away. I couldnt imagine what I would do for 10 years. It was like the judge sentenced me. I tried over and over again to get my family and friends to comfort me during this ordeal. But no luck
It took me a while to realize if they are not there for you in the beginning, they can be your family and those can be your friends but your real friends are here at DS. Here you do not need to convince us to be here for you. Automatically we are 24 hours a day!

Welcome
Nicole