Welcome - I love your avatar. It is based on something I tell my sociology students all the time that we would have a much more pleasant World if we identified people by their greatest accomplishment and not their worst mistake

ChuckieChub; You and your 'partner' are welcome here, in or out of prison. You and your family are not alone.

I couldn't agree with it more Advocate. The goodness of my husband massively out weighs his mistakes and so I keep reminding him to love what he is and to stop hating what he isn't.

Thank you Janetmackie, I will definitely be pointing my husband in the direction of this website for extra support when he is released.

Hi, yes, I quite agree about this site. It's pretty hard to find support in real life, and nigh on impossible to find anyone who actually has experienced anything similar.

What did your husband do? Did I see you're in the UK?

Hi PhoenixMummy, it really is super difficult to find support when most people think you should just turn your back on your loved one. To be honest, before this nightmare began, had someone asked me what I'd do in this situation, I would of said I'd of done just that, but now I'm here, I cant walk away.

Yes I am in the UK.

Ha, yes, ditto. Mine is currently serving a suspended sentence for CP and voyerism, I never questioned that I shouldn't stand by him. But others...well...

No one knows what they would do until they are placed in that situation. I've had people say they would leave their partner if they ever cheated, but when it does happen, they decide to stick it out and work through it.

I personally can say that my marriage is stronger now than it was prior to when he was arrested. The intimacy we have is through our communication (since we can't have anything else). We have learned to talk to each other and not be afraid of what the other will say.

I do want to say, I'm glad you found us, but sorry you need us.

Mines away for the next 5 and a half years, it seems like a lifetime away but when I read some of the sentences of the members in the US, my heart breaks for them. Do you have social services involvement then? Feel free to message privately if you prefer.

Our marriage has certainly improved, although I didn't realise it was bad before...He was emotionally detached and isolated by his offending. Since it's all come out, he's actually learning to offer emotional support to me, which is entirely new. Although the last year has been a living nightmare at times, in a lot of ways, it's been the making of us as a family. My husband described it as someone 'hitting a giant reset button'

ChuckleChubbs - yes, social services are involved, I have three daughters. They are 'in need', rather than 'at risk' (I'm a "strong protective factor"). Do you have children?

I totally agree that strangely it has had a positive effect on us in terms of now he knows he can talk to me instead of bottling his feelings and worries up, I just wish he felt that he could before.

I have 3 children too, only one is his biological child, they did an initial assessment and we were signed off as 'No Further Action' but now as he has requested contact with his child, its now 'In Need' whilst new assessments are done regarding visits to the prison or whether contact will be via telephone and letters. Its been 6 months without them having any contact and myself and my child's school teacher, as well as the social worker who did the first part of the assessment all said we feel it will be in the best interest of the child to have face to face contact so fingers crossed.

That must be very tough. We debated about what to tell the kids if he went to prison, and never came to s decision. Thankfully, it wasn't an issue in the end. How old are your children? Do they know where Dad is?

My children are 11, 7 and 5. Its a conversation I dread having with them.
My oldest knows where he is, but the younger two think he's working away, the good old working away porkie lol. Is your husband still living at home? If not, did him leaving affect them? My youngests behaviour has changed a lot, from lashing out to grinding their teeth when asleep.

No, my husband hasn't been allowed to live with us since his arrest, but he visits every weekend (we moved away) under a safety plan devised by social services. They don't like the amount of contact he has, but I've insisted - and they've recently grudgingly concluded that the kids are completely unaffected. We worked v hard to keep things as normal as possible for them - they know Daddy is ill (he had pre existing health conditions), and think he has to live with nana and grandad because of it.

No, we never had any major reaction to Daddy leaving, but I managed to get contact agreed in our home v fast after his initial arrest. I think that helped a lot

It sounds like you've shown them who's boss lol, good for you :) I'm worried about being too insistent in case they take it as me not accepting the risks. I feel like everything is second guessed by social workers. I understand they have a job to do, but say one thing they don't agree with and you're fighting a losing battle.