Families of SOs Community Group
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Everyone, let me just say normally I am a very sweet and sensitive person. I really care of others feelings and therefor I try to help as much as I can. This is my question... a few minutes ago I went outside and I ran into my step son. Me and him always talk. We have not seen one another in months though. Well he was next door at a neighbors house. I ghuess the neighbor was having a small party. He said hello and when he moved aside SHE came from behind him. I couldnt move.she ran up to me hugged me and said hello. I couldnt move...it was my husbands daughter the same one who swore under oath that he sexually molested her years ago. I can understand her being a pressured kid long ago but your older now and you know right from wrong but yet you cant bring yourself to tell what really happened all those years ago.She said hello and had the nerve to ask me how her dad was doing(do you think she was being funny),"what can I tell her? the truth," my husband is now in a wheelchair for life due to insufficient medical care because you lied." How can I ever forgive her? I mean I forgave the son because basically he told the truth on the stand.He testified that He never ever saw his dad touch his sister. Never heard a scream at night. She never confided in him. NOTHING after a long time I was able to begin talking to him again. we even rode the bus together to go visit my husband a long time ago. My question is this the son I forgave but I will never forget. The daughter ripped not only MY world apart, But my husbands, our other kids, Our home EVERYTHING. I dont mean to sound spiteful but am I being a (BITCH) cause I cant forgive her. I could not look her in the eye. I just wanted to slap her. (am I wrong?)my husband forgives them both but I cant.ADVICE PLEASE!
The ladies here will give you better advice than I can about forgiveness and forgiving her, but I will tell you one thing---------you need to keep your distance from her.
She is dangerous. She has already lied once and she probably would not mind doing it again.
She is nothing but trouble. Avoid her.
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I've heard someone summarize up forgiveness like this: unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You don't forgive another for their benefit, but for yourself.
His daughter coming forward now may make no difference to your husband's case now. So holding a grudge against her doesn't accomplish anything.
You do not have to be around this girl. Perhaps you can write her a letter wishing her well but letting her know how much the situation hurt you. You still cannot be around her and you would prefer that she keep her distance from you.
You have to take care of yourself. We are not bad because we have not forgiven. We are just still in the process. Its like the layers of an onion. You peel one off and find more underneath until one day you reach the center and find that there is nothing there!
That is forgiveness. Recognizing your feelings and that you are not at the center of the onion actually takes you a step closer to getting there! But you are not there yet. And that is OK. You will know when you are. In the meantime, I get it that you have no stomach for her. I know that one. Set your boundary with her. You need it now. You may always need it. But only you will know.
Find some respectful way to communicate that to her. You will be glad you did.
If that's the case, there are probably others involved who are more to blame than she is.