Families of SOs Community Group

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tomsmother 04/16/2014

Any advice would be appreciated. My son was looking at pictures on the internet and got caught. Unfortunately he moved to Kansas (I'm in Illinois) three weeks before the police broke down my door and put a gun to my head. How do I cope? How do I know he won't be hurt because of his offense? How do I know if I will ever see him again. How will he get a job?

My heart feels like it has been physically been torn out of me. My son had no record, he's 32 and such a loner I think someone turned him on to this. We write all the time and he will plead on the 22nd - my heart hurts so bad - I have lost all but 2 of my friends and all of my family over this. I'm on doc medication but the pain is torture. If I don't stop crying at work they may let me go. HOW?

Peekachu 04/20/2014

I didn't cope well either. It wasn't my son, it was my husband. I had to stop working for about 3 months and had a hospitalization. There's no easy way through this, but there is a path. The path is taking one step at a time. Sometimes you go forward, sometimes you go back.

You will see your son again, but the rest of it…well, you just don't know. Sex offense takes so much away from us, including control over our own choices, civil rights, our privacy, our friends, so much…

When you're first in this, you don't know where to turn. Sometimes you stay stuck for while, but eventually, you just start stepping forward knowing that there are so many things that are no longer under your control, no longer your choice. You can't change it, but you can learn to live with it.

Grief and fear are right up in your face at first. My God, especially since the police put a gun to your head!! You may even have some post-traumatic stress. I know I would…and I did.

Do you have a counselor? That can really help. If you do have post-traumatic stress, it is essential that you get this out of you and find a way to stop crying.

The two things that helped me in that situation (because I couldn't stop crying either) were hypnotherapy and Emotional Freedom Technique. (www.EFT.com) These techniques can be lifesavers. EFT is something you can do for yourself. It really helps to release trauma.

Also, keep coming here. We care and we listen. And don't forget to breathe!

Love, Peek

tomsmother 04/21/2014

Thank you all so much. It's been so hard. I was alone for Easter, and will be alone for all the other holidays. Friends, family are blaming me, as if it were my fault. They don't write my son in jail, just tell me that I must have done something wrong. Well, I'm going to hold my head up high - if I have to spend all the holidays alone I will. I just filed for bankruptcy (at 62) and now have to start rebuilding my credit. Everything is coming at me....weekends I spend alot of it doing housework and crying. But God with get me through this. I have to remember that quitting is not an option....you all have been wonderful. Since my son will be serving his sentence in Kansas and I'm in Illinois what happens when he is done with stay in Kansas? He has no one there - would they let him come home to Illinois and give him a probation officer here?

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