The aspect that stands out for me----and I am sure the mothers, wives, GFs, and family members can identify-----is that you lose your innocence.

Before people get into this mess, and prison especially, we have values which we all held to be true, values that we were taught, values which we cherished.

Prison destroys those ideas. It destroys the values of what we were always taught to believe as we grew up.

No, the police are not your friend. Andy of Mayberry is gone.

No, the criminal justice system is nowhere near justice; in fact, it is downright brutal at times and fairness is just a myth. Matlock pulls the rabbit out of the hat in the courtroom on TV, but it does not happen in real life.

No, the government does not give a damn about the average citizen.

No, there is no honor among politicians.

We find out that everything we have been taught when we were raised was a lie.

No, if you try to live a good life that does not mean good things will come your way.

You stop believing in Pollyanish ideas and learn to be coldly realistic.

You learn that most people in this world are selfish, greedy, and not very kind.

You learn that this country is a bully and when someone is down, they try to kick the hell out of them until they can never have any hopes of getting up; they make a game out of extracting the last pound of flesh from the underdogs and disenfranchised.

You learn that you are responsible for yourself and it is foolish to expect someone to be responsible and look out for you.

Prison teaches you to not trust anyone until you really, really, really know them. You become distrustful of most people and look at them with a jaundiced eye.

I know I missed out a lot, but I could write a book.

BUT, prison can also make you thoughtful and wise.

Prison allows you to see a side of life you never existed and have compassion for those people,.

Prison teaches you patience.

Prison teaches you that life is not fair and was never meant to be---you finally understand and agree with that concept.

Prison teaches self-reliance and how to be a man.

Prison teaches you that every day you are able to get out of bed with your freedom and breathe the air, you are a blessed man.

Prison teaches you to be thankful for what you do have rather than bitch at what you don't have and would like to have.

Many more, but cannot think of them all right now.

rewdiazepam

Ditto that Rew

I learned that I really had no friends, just people who wanted things from me and ran when the water got ruff.

I learned that the government and the police lie. They aren't your friends and never were.

I learned that most of the things I believed in were untrue.

I learned how distorted the information we hear on TV and the news is.

I learned never to depend on anyone, they don't have your best interest at heart.

I learned that most people are blind to what goes on in the country and don't care as long as they are left alone.

I learned how people make money off the suffering of others.

I learned about discrimination.

I learned what it means to really hate something.

I learned how to keep going even though you have absolutely no future.

I learned how not to smile and how not to care.

I'm sure I have many more lessons headed my way...and none of them are pleasant.

Worst of all, I watched the "kid" inside die.

Finally, I learned that no matter how much you ask or even beg for help, you will never get it.

While I agree with the posts to a certain extent as prison did open my eyes, I must add that a lot of good can come from being in prison.

All of the distractions of life are removed. You can worry all you want about those people and things outside, but there is almost nothing you can do about it.
Instead of developing an ulcer worrying about those things, focus on the things you can control or correct.
I spent my time working a great deal on my own image of the world. How to have empathy for others. Real empathy. Try to put myself in their shoes to see the world from their point of view and how I might handle things from that angle. It's really easy to stay in your own circle and condemn someone for not thinking like you do. But if you move to their side and see it from their point of view, you may either change how you see things, or at least gain an understanding of how to approach them and move them to your side or maybe find middle ground.
I took advantage of as many opportunities for education as possible. The state camps in GA typically don't have much more than GED classes. But the private camps have them. Outside of that, I had materials sent in from home so that I could study. I realize that I'm fortunate that I had those types of resources. I had computer programming books sent in to learn concepts that I didn't take the time to focus on while out; being within the forest makes it hard to step back and retrain. I have been studying Spanish for several years now. I studied statistics heavily. I changed how I view money, from making a really good amount of money that my wife and I essentially squandered. Now I live very humbly and don't want debt or to just toss it away on 'things'.

The comments about relying on yourself and not others rings true. This has given me great distrust of religion. I put myself in prison. I survived prison because of myself as well. I saw very faithful people dragged through the mud and some not. I've seen heathens given all sorts of leniency and others not. Where's the consistency.

Yes, the environment IP (in prison) isn't terribly conducive to life, it's raw, brutal, demeaning, violent and all that. But even while living in an open dorm I did these things. In the 6 years I was inside, I had no altercations with people. People generally left me alone. I guess because I wasn't deemed a threat. I helped people whenever they'd ask for it. I didn't flaunt that I made store; just a few bucks a week to make it through the weekends where GA doesn't feed lunch. And I'd always have a few extra things to help out those that didn't get help from family. Call it a protection tax. Call it charity. I call it being kind to fellow humans.

I would also say that I am grateful for the time spent IP. I feel that it improved me in so many ways. I do regret that I put myself there for being an idiot. And the lasting impact is brutal with classes and registry. But I would have never ever cared about it had I not gone. I was an insufferable asshole before I went in.

One last thing is about family and friends. Most of my family complete abandoned me. Most of my friends did too. But those that have stuck around are more valuable than the rarest gems on earth. Treasure the ones that do stick with you, do what you can to bridge the gap with those that don't. I believe I would have been one of those that would have abandoned a friend for going to prison for nearly anything. Those that have stuck with me through this are really awesome and incredibly important to me and with those people I honor them. I appreciate them and show them incredible gratitude for being there for and with me through this.

Take care everyone,
Andy

Thanks for sharing this, guys. I've never been in prison, but I have two sons who are. I, too, have lost faith in government, the "justice" system, etc. I support both my sons and will do so until I draw my last breath. I deeply appreciate the few friends and family members who join me in supporting my sons and me. They are truly angels.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I appreciate it.
I do think it changes us all.

I have never been IP, but my husband was released less than 2 months ago after 4.5 years in county, then in the state pen. I thought I would never experience this with someone I love. He actually got through it pretty well. He took every class he could. He was in a Therapeutic Community where he was immersed in a 12 step program for a year and a half that made him look at himself.

In the meantime, I was on here the whole time. I've been coming to this group almost 4 1/2 years. I've really needed the support and it has always been there. We made it through the long, painful period of incarceration.

But, now he is out and we are finally getting to go to counseling. I get to ask the questions about "what the heck happened", which is now many years ago. I had no idea he had other sexual interests until he was already arrested. No really personal things could be discussed between the bars or on Global TelLink, where they record your every last conversation.

Now we can talk. Now I am not happy. So much was frozen in time. While he was in prison, I just could not get angry with him. But it is coming out now...slowly. Before, I had fear, depression, but not anger. Now, I want to rip him to shreds for what he did to our family. Parts of him scare me. I'm going through so much now that I just can't describe.

So, perhaps, for me it is not about how prison made us different, but how it kept us from dealing with the real issues. Now, many years after the fact, is the opportunity. But it seems so unfair that we were forced to wait.

I can tell you, from my perspective, how prison has affected me and hubby.

I have to admit, besides when being with me or our kids, hubby was an asshole. If he wanted something, he would get it - didn't matter than we didn't have the money. He hated Christians, and hated that I took out children to church every week. When he was arrested and saw how many people deserted him - friends and family, he saw what a treasure he had in those who chose to stick by him. He doesn't ask for much, and when I order his quarterly package, he tried to go as cheap as possible and only get things he needs, not any wants. He always asks if I have money and if so, how much can he spend. Hubby sees the difference between those that are "Sunday Christians" and those who actually walk the walk of a Christian life, and encourages our children to attend church.

We both see that prisons do not treat Prisoners humanly. They will lie, cheat and steal. They don't provide medical care like they should, and there is no such thing as rehabilitation in prison.

There is no justice in the Justice system. The state will do anything, including coaching witnesses or threatening them to make them comply and testify. True system doesn't care about doing what's best for the victim, they only want to do what advances their careers.

I have more empathy for anyone who has been incarcerated, or have family members incarcerated - regardless of crime. I realized things are not always what is portrayed in the media. There are things hidden from society the tactics the government employes to get more convictions.

The government is looking to make money off ours and our loved ones misery....

I know I'm preaching to the choir...and I could share so much more.

Peek, you are right. There are so many questions I want to ask, but can't. I have to wait until he gets home, so we can really tackle a lot of the issues. We have been able to work out several other issues, that have nothing to do with his crime, but we can't tackle the other things.

I so wish that families could get counseling with their LO while in prison. It forces many families to place their lives on hold until their LO is released before they can get thr counseling they all need.

I agree there should be some sort of counseling available. Marriage takes work on a daily basis. How are we suppose to work on a marriage when the other is away?

I have never been in jail but as a mother I no longer believe in a fair justice system. The police lied to us when they came to my home and my son was arrested. Being bullied into taking a plea deal by threats of a long prison sentence. Now the probation office makes up their own rules and not what judge ordered. I don't believe anything I read in the paper or see on the news. I'm Not a bitter person just a lot wiser. I still believe my son can have a good life he will have to work harder. The only person I had any respect for was the judge he openly questioned why my son had a life time registration and hopes in the future my son was going to be given a chance to get off the registery.

Now I would like tell you how this changed my son, he doesn't trust any police officers, he doesn't trust his probation officer, he doesn't trust his counselor. He gets up goes to work and then comes home he doesn't go out a lot because he doesn't want get a violation and get sent back jail, he is going back to college in the fall part time and still live at home because he feels safe here. He has to have a safety plan to go hiking as a matter of fact a safety plan for everything .

My brother is the one in prison...so I suppose I have it easy. But I can tell you he has become bitter. Everything Rew said in the first comment is true. He realized there is no fair justice system. That everything he worked hard for can be pulled out from under you in an instant. Inside he realizes how he can trust no one and that a lot of the people he is currently in with like where they are. (or pretend to). I have watched him change into a more serious person although his underlying personality is there. So I am hopeful upon release I can break through to that brother I once had.
the only good thing thus far is our relationship. We treasure one another more than ever. We realized how deep our relationship goes and how unbreakable our bond is.

I think its interesting that even though my son is the one in prison, I have also been learning a lot of the lessons being expressed here. I have watched my son change with time, I too have changed as well. We have not talked about it, but I can tell he is no longer the happy, trusting person he used to be. He is more serious and matter of fact. I have learned how controlling people are. My son and I also treasure the friendship of those who decided to support him, and we have become closer.

I can say from my experience in watching my husband go to prison, get out on appeal and then go back to prison and then come out to be on supervision. There have been some marked changes in him that I have noticed.

He was an introvert before, now he is even more so. He doesn't trust anyone or their word, they mean nothing until they have kept their word more than once. He has become far more frugal than he was. He also learned what real friends were, what real family support is all about (from my family) and that there are people that will stick by you NO MATTER WHAT (which is engraved on our wedding rings, seemed so much better than that sappy stuff).

He'll say that prison wasn't all that bad, but I know that for the first 2 years that wasn't exactly true and the second time he was in prison, after the appeal, it probably did get better as he was more prepared going in than he was the first time.

What it did for our relationship was interesting, we are better talkers, we don't fight because it is a waste of time and easier to just talk about it than to argue. We are the envy of our friends because the way we conduct our relationship is so laid back. I think it was all the letters we wrote.

All in all I think this relationship has been the best that I have ever encountered because of the communication that is forced to be slow and deliberate creates an atmosphere that one must wait and listen first before responding. It creates the patience that Rew talked about.

One way it changed me, is I am not scared of prison anymore, it's not a deterrent. I made it through, no violence, read a lot of books, walked thousands of miles around the track, met some really good people and learned new card games.
I violated supervised release, for breaking a rule, not another crime. The judge gave me the option of an additional 3 years of SR or 6 months in prison and no more SR...I immediately took the 6 months inside. Best decision ever.