Families of SOs Community Group
WE HAVE MOVED!!! ............................. ............................... ......................... ............................ ............................. .......................... HERE: http://support-for-families.boards.net ............. ................ ............... ................ ............................... .................Please create a profile...
Woo hoo, it finally let me join! (new computer)
Hello All,
I've been lurking here for a year - my nightmare began almost exactly a year ago. On March 10th 2015, I opened the door to five police officers and a social worker, who were there to arrest my husband for downloading illegal images of children. My world fell apart, it was a total shock, but sadly it seems it was all true. We have been together 20 years and have three young daughters, and I didn't have a clue.
I've stuck by him, he has admitted everything, he has a severe problem, but he's used this as an opportunity to get the help he so desperately needs. He'll be sentenced on March 18th, his solicitor is hopeful he'll get one year suspended plus a rehabilitation order, but a custodial sentence is possible. (I'm aware that this probably seems incredibly light to US members, but its still terrifying.) He'll have to sign the sex offenders register, probably for ten years.
I have moved away with the girls, we're 2 hours away, and so far nobody around here knows what our story is, despite him featuring in the local paper at home. Social services are involved with us, as my husband visits us each weekend under a safety plan (I supervise him and don't allow him to be alone with the kids at all, he stays in a B&B). It took a serious amount of assessment when he was first arrested and again when I moved (we had to start from scratch), but they grudgingly concluded that I am a 'strong protective factor' and that there is zero evidence that the children have ever been abused or that they are at risk.
As far as the kids are concerned, Daddy is ill (they know he has depression and Fibromyalgia) and has to live with Nana and Grandad. So far, they've bought it and are relatively unaffected, to the point where Social Services are beginning to retreat - there's nothing for them to do as there's nothing 'wrong' with the children & I am protecting them from any risk of harm.
Anyway, that's me. Much power to you all, its been a great comfort to see that there are others out there who stick by their loved ones - I've lost many many friends over my decision to stick with my husband, I've even been told I'm an apologist for child abuse! But its their problem to be honest, I have bigger fish to fry than educating the ignorant ;)
Xx
Hello All,
I've been lurking here for a year - my nightmare began almost exactly a year ago. On March 10th 2015, I opened the door to five police officers and a social worker, who were there to arrest my husband for downloading illegal images of children. My world fell apart, it was a total shock, but sadly it seems it was all true. We have been together 20 years and have three young daughters, and I didn't have a clue.
I've stuck by him, he has admitted everything, he has a severe problem, but he's used this as an opportunity to get the help he so desperately needs. He'll be sentenced on March 18th, his solicitor is hopeful he'll get one year suspended plus a rehabilitation order, but a custodial sentence is possible. (I'm aware that this probably seems incredibly light to US members, but its still terrifying.) He'll have to sign the sex offenders register, probably for ten years.
I have moved away with the girls, we're 2 hours away, and so far nobody around here knows what our story is, despite him featuring in the local paper at home. Social services are involved with us, as my husband visits us each weekend under a safety plan (I supervise him and don't allow him to be alone with the kids at all, he stays in a B&B). It took a serious amount of assessment when he was first arrested and again when I moved (we had to start from scratch), but they grudgingly concluded that I am a 'strong protective factor' and that there is zero evidence that the children have ever been abused or that they are at risk.
As far as the kids are concerned, Daddy is ill (they know he has depression and Fibromyalgia) and has to live with Nana and Grandad. So far, they've bought it and are relatively unaffected, to the point where Social Services are beginning to retreat - there's nothing for them to do as there's nothing 'wrong' with the children & I am protecting them from any risk of harm.
Anyway, that's me. Much power to you all, its been a great comfort to see that there are others out there who stick by their loved ones - I've lost many many friends over my decision to stick with my husband, I've even been told I'm an apologist for child abuse! But its their problem to be honest, I have bigger fish to fry than educating the ignorant ;)
Xx
Our kids know daddy done something naughty so cant live with us, that's all I'm telling them for now even though social services argue with each other that they need to know more. They don't, they're little!!!
Welcome here anyhoo! Its a great site here!
Can I ask what your husband did? I know I shouldn't, but I spend a lot of time comparing sentencing and charges. Its like a scab I can't help but scratch...March 18th seems horribly close now :/
Yes, SS have told me that mine 'have a right to know', although thankfully they agree that at the moment, they are far too young to understand it, as my eldest is only 7. My argument, which they have also conceded, is that part of keeping them safe (which obv SS are all about), is keeping the secret. I don't believe for a second that the girls would keep it to themselves, which immediately puts them in danger from the actions of others. It also wouldn't be fair to ask them to keep this secret, I know from personal experience, its incredibly isolating! Its a very tricky one...
It looks like our kids are the same age! Its too young to know, its opening up for more questions and forcing things on them they don't understand. Our eldest doesn't tell anyone what has gone on, when she's asked where dad is she just says he's living away the now. Its amazing just how well she is doing. I am going a bit loopy but the kids are great!
Sally - ooh, yes, very similar, I'll reply to your message later. What's 'massive'? Here, it was 52K images, 509 cat A. And the stupid idiot took 3 upskirt videos (twonk did it in tesco & the school playground, but as they were the only 3 and all on the same day, his solicitor is hoping he can argue it as a moment of madness). So frustrating as he only did it on the one occasion 2 years ago, never before or since. He's got an addiction to porn that had spiralled...badly
The sentencing guidelines are 26 weeks- 1 year custodial, but there are mitigating circumstances, my husband has a long history of depression & is registered disabled. Plus he's done every rehab course possible over the last year, even the police described him as 'brave' in the way he's taken ownership of his problems & admitted guilt. The probation officer who did the pre-sentencing report only took half an hour over the interview as he'd already decided to recommend a suspended sentence & course based on the police info. I just hope & pray the judge agrees...
Like your husband mine admitted his guilt, he felt relief after being caught. Was an end to it for him. I wish they would have taken that on board, that he seeked help and tried to better himself. Was just bad luck with the judge and his solicitor being on holiday during sentencing. He had a replacement who was not well informed for a defence!
It certainly does sound like you had bad luck, mind you, if it is equivalent to Magistrate's, that does make sense - our solicitor didn't enter a plea at Magistrates to get it to go to Crown Court as the Magistrates were "likely to have a knee jerk reaction and throw the book at him".
The biggest worry for my husband in that respect is that he's a former secondary school teacher. He'd already left teaching due to ill health, but it's possible they'll take a harsher line because of it.
I worried my husbands profession would come up during the sentencing but it didn't. He was in the healthcare sector.
Yes, Sheriff's court is like Magistrates in briefly googling, although they seem to deal with a wider range than Magistrate's do.
! At the time I was glad it was not here in England as i thought it would not be in the news but when people found out the shit hit me and like many others I found out who my true friends were and still are throughout this ongoing nightmare, especially when I found out the length go sentences given in The States.
However it has been a lonely road as no one can ever understand what it feels like to have someone you love in prison plus the hate attached to this type of crime.
If anyone in the UK feels like getting together to share and support face to face please contact me, I am sure there must be more than me that would appreciate meeting others in similar positions .
Blessings to you all on this forum.
Your husbands are not really sex offenders, but porn addicts with an addiction that went off the rails.
One of the big problems in a legal sense is that we make no attempt to distinguish offenders who were just bored or addicted to vanilla porn and wanted something more outrageous to view from offenders who truly have a deviant interest in children and are thus a danger to society.
Men such as your husbands, like many CP offenders, need vigorous treatment for their porn addiction, not prison; nor should they be labeled sex offenders as they have not touched anyone. I have been to prison and trust me, they will receive no help in prison.
rewdiazepam