My heart is breaking listening to your story. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know you are feeling very alone and grieving so much which is very painful.

We all have different stories but what we do have in common is compassion for our husbands or sons. Before we were all dragged into these situations we were guilty of labelling and judging people without a second thought. Then when it happens to a loved one, we see that the issue isn't as black & white as we once thought.

It's so distressing that you have a non contact rule in place. I hope you have faith as that will help get you through this nightmare. You must be in so much pain right now but there is always hope.

Take each and every moment as it comes. Don't think too far ahead of things "never being the same" etc. Although things will never be the same, they sometimes can get better in many ways.

Focus on the positives you have right now. You've got your child and that is such a blessing. Your husband has got his mother visiting him and looking after him so that is another blessing, you don't need to worry about him. You can send messages to him via his mother to give him hope.

This will not last forever and at least now with your husband caught, this nightmare he's created for himself can end. He can get the help he's always needed. There's hope for him to turn his life around.

If you're depressed go to the doctor for medication if you need it too.

My husband was arrested over 2 months ago and I've never known hell like it. I just didn't know what to think at first. I've never known shock like it.

Hope your ok.
Tabby

Tabby thank you so much for responding! I am living in my own personal hell. I can’t believe this happened. We were so happy. I knew about his past but he never expressed these issues before. It was more on the opposite side where he was always checking to make sure people weren’t looking at our child the wrong way and things like that.
I am so unbelievably sad and just lost without him. He was my rock, our whole world. How do you cope with this? I pray constantly for him and our daughter. She asks me where he is constantly and it kills me. I just tell her dada is sick and had to go away but he loves her very much. Any advice is much appreciated. I’m so sorry you’re going through this as well.
I didn’t know where to turn to and people judge so easily. Like you said it’s not black and white, it’s very gray! Thank you so much! You made me feel like I’m not alone in this and there are others out there with this issue

Yes ma'am I have have worked on these cases for over 20 years, what your husband went through was a fantasy that unfortunately now in society is really looked down on, trust me it's not you ma'am the fact you're here reaching out is proof, how does he feel about all this ?

Hi ctops, he said that he doesn’t even remember it. He thinks he disassociated from it. He’s a mess and i can’t even help him. I give his mom messages to give to him that only we would know so he knows they are coming from me. The worst part is the courts are never going to let us be a family again. Because he took a picture of our child, she is a victim and they mentioned they aren’t going to allow him to see her for a very long time.
We’re crushed. He is an amazing father and husband and I know this is just his past coming up and that he would never do anything. We live in MA. I’m praying that when they sentence him that they would only give him probation because he doesn’t have any kind of record but I know that’s wishful thinking. Praying that if he does go away that he goes somewhere where he is safe. Worrying about him is literally killing me slowly. I’m already so lost and broken without him, I’m not sure how much more I can handle.

Mymultiverson,

I am so sorry that you are going through this situation. You have been hit with a double whammy, as your husband not only acted out inappropriately, but he actually involved your children when he sent pictures of them to a stranger. This is a form of family betrayal and betrayal is difficult to deal with.

No wonder you are stressed, bewildered, and shell shocked.

I will tell you what I tell all the wives I help----first and foremost, PROTECT YOURSELF and your children. You husband will be OK. He has his mother to support him and he will make it somehow.

But you are struggling and you need to think about yourself and the child. If you get down or severely depressed, you will not be there for your children OR your husband when he needs you.

These situations are so intense that they literally attack one’s soul, mind, and body. I cannot think of any situation---other than the death of a child---that is more debilitating both mentally and physically than having a loved one in a criminal investigation and possibly going to prison.

The human body and spirit was not built to withstand all these negative emotions on a 24/7 basis without breaking down at some point. You need some outside help. Often someone from the outside looking in can offer some solutions. I liken that to the “can’t see the forest for the trees” idea in that many people in these situations cannot identify their problems as they are too close to the situation.

People who don’t get some outside help in some manner are always prone to suffering a mental meltdown or stress related illness. You are no different. I know you are a strong woman, but you are not Wonderwoman; you are mortal.

IMO, the first thing you need to do is find a therapist or a health professional to talk to. He or she can bring some of these emotions out and enable you to not only understand them, but deal with them in a positive manner.

Now this does not mean deserting or forsaking your husband at all. But you need to protect yourself and get yourself in decent shape to be able to help him when the time comes.

Sometimes people in these situations are so overwhelmed with the emotions----anger, fear, bewilderment, shock, hurt, etc.---that they become emotionally paralyzed and don’t know where to begin.

You may also need to see a physician and allow him to prescribe some meds to help you get through this roughest period. The newer antidepressants are SSRIs and they are very effective with few side effects. You may also need a mild anti-anxiety agent to help you sleep. The doctor will decide.

You really cannot do much until your emotions settle down somewhat.

rewdiazepam

Hi mymultiverse, how are u doing? I know how you feel, I stood by my husband too when everything kicked off and I was four months pregnant when the police knocked on my door and arrested him. I stood by him throughout the prosecution, I had our child before he was sentenced. I faced the courts, social service's assessment on whether we are fit to look after our son, other people's judgment on whether or not I truly understood what was going on, and I was forced to deal with so much grief and pain.. My husband is still by my side today, making up everyday for what he's done. Our son is growing up happily and beautifully and while there has been a lot of hurt, there is also the amazing depths of remorse, forgiveness and redemption. This is such an incredibly difficult and isolating time, and I want you to know that you are not alone. If you need to talk please, I'm here and I'm listening x

Let me just say something. My ex was a sex offender. I am going to let you know you are not alone. I am an advocate for offender sentencing reform and justice. I am not going to say it will be easy. He will need a lot of support. This decision is up to you how far you are willing to go. My ex was convicted in 2007 for child porn, 2011 for child porn and 2016 for more child porn. I decided i was sick of having happiness and losing it because of his acts (also he tried to kill himself and I found him nearly dead... it was really bad). I walked away from him, we are still friends but not together. I am now almost done my PhD in forensic psychology and working on my health. If you want to talk to someone who has lived through this and some of the worse possibilities, we can talk anytime.