I was heartbroken in the beginning. I believed that he didn't want me because I wasn't skinny enough for him (our daughter is skinny like a lamppost). I had lost all faith and trust in him, almost filed for divorce. However, The Lord started working in me and I decided to support him through trial.

I was very close to my parents, so when hubby was arrested, I let them know. They then told EVERYONE. Every time I turned around, someone else knew. Then everyone kept trying to convince me to leave, that he will never change, 'once an offender, always an offender'. I shut out my family, until they learned to keep their opinions to themselves, and just be supportive of my kids and me.

During the trial process, I saw The Lord transform hubby. He used to be a very angry and antisocial person. When he accepted Christ, I saw him soften, and display the qualities I always wished he would be like. We talked and he was repentful, and wanted to keep our marriage alive dispite the charges/conviction. We promised each other to never lie to one another. He was open and honest about everything he could disclose with me. In these past 2 yrs, our marriage has grown. We talk a lot more and talk about everything, where before we meerly were occupying the same house and small talk.

At this point in our relationship, I don't care what restrictions we will have to endure (but CA RSOL is working to get most removed, so hopefully if/when hubby comes home, the restrictions will be lifted). Whatever we encounter, I know we can endure them together.

It's a process, one foot in front of another. If hubby didn't make changes, our marriage wouldn't have survived. Not everyone is cut out being married to a registrant, but those of us who are, are the toughest people out there. I do not care about other's opinions, if they judge me for standing by my husband, then I don't need them in my life.

Every case is so different, but I do believe it is possible to mend a relationship even after something like this. Its really encouraging to hear that ThoughtAsWeak's husband was able to grow through this.

I read about a study that looked at what happened to men who had molested children. For many, it was truly a growth experience. It wasn't "once an offender, always an offender." The need for childhood sexuality was so suppressed that it had become part of their psyches that just hadn't grown up.

When they finally expressed this part of themselves, it lead to significant psychological growth.

(OK. I can just hear the other people from the other forum gagging and barfing over this.)

The point I want to make is that people can come out of this as better people. Perhaps then there can be healed and better relationships.

Of course, I'm not saying that anyone should have sex with a child so they can have a growth experience!! Not at all!! What I think this points to is a validation of the low recidivism rates because for many, one experience changes everything. And it also points to possible ways that the growth experience can occur without the need for actual sexual expression.

So, basically, what I am saying is, "Chin up, ladies. God don't make no junk." We are all worthy of love, even through our darkest times.

Iris, I have been where you are. The pain, the uncertainty, the fear of the judgment of others, and the deep betrayal of your trust. Those are all so real and so raw for you right now.

There is only one thing you can do…really!! And that is take it one day, one step at a time. Every little decision you make creates a new opportunity for an answer to unfold in front of you. We try so hard to control this situation and we just can't. There is so much that we have absolutely no say over. We just have to accept…and move forward. The rest will take care of itself.

I have stayed with my husband because I still love him even with what he has done. We have had our ups and downs so far, we are only a year and a half into in and a long way to go before he could get out. We have talked about a lot of things and he is remorseful for what he did and he admitted everything up front which was a big thing for me. We have a lot of work ahead of us to make our marriage last through this. But I believe we are both willing to give it a honest to goodness try. The thing is we have to just take one day at a time. I believe God is with both of us and is working on both of us too. Knowing God is with us both makes things a bit easier to handle.

I turned my husband in and we have not had any communication whatsoever in 8 mos the thing I struggled with most was accepting that while I hate what he did I still love him....more so now than before not because of the awful things he did but because it changed how I looked at things I used to be constantly on his case over these stupid unimportant things...taking out the garbage helping more around the house the way he said and did things....now that this has happened it feels like id take all those dumb thing I used to complain about back in a heart beat if I could have him back (without the desire to commit sex offenses) that saying is so so true you dont know what youve got til its gone so if you feel that hes your soulmate (I believe in that for sure) and that hes sincere in remorse amd not re offending then work on the relationship work on trust there will never be another him (for some that may be a good thing for others you know what im talking about) to me no one could hold a candle to my husbands good side (loving caring affectionate thoughtful) all the time we wasted on dumb things ill always regret that

I chose to divorce my husband (should be finalized in next month or so) for multiple reasons but that doesn't mean I don't love and care about him anymore. I am committed to being there to help him in any way I can. He is ill and needs help not eternal damnation. I struggled for months thinking "How could the man I was in love with, married to, dedicated to do this to our children?" but I realized it wasn't "him" doing it necessarily was this illness. I turned him in without issue, fought for my daughters in court and will continue to protect them til the day I die but I realize I can help support and hopefully heal my husband to. However our marriage is over. I'll never fully trust him. It's unfair to ask me to hold out and be alone for the next 10+ yrs. Our youngest will be a young teen when he is possibly released and since his parental rights where terminated they can not live in the same house.

It's hard at times to cope with what my boyfriend has done. What helps is he is completely honest with everything. We talk about what he has done and how through the treatment he received how he has changed. I feel on occasion I am not enough for him. For me it helps talking to him about those feelings and him letting me know why he desires to be with me.

I worry when he's around kids. I always ask if he's doing ok. I think he's more nervous of being accused of something he did not do now. And most RSO do not reoffend especially if they go through treatment.

I told my family a few at a time. Some still do not know but the majority do. I wanted them to get to know him first. My boyfriend is very willing to share he has been to prison because he doesn't want to hide and be turned away from people he finds a connection with.

I recommend being honest. Not hiding is the best way to go. Less stress and no worries that he will get into trouble. Remember most officers don't like following up on RSO just like us. In the town I live in there are only 5 people in charge of everything. They appreciate honesty and coming to them first about any type of new areas a RSO will be in. But that's my experience here.

Hope everything works out for you.

We was married going on 2yrs .hub had good job .just did a rent to own home .had my twin boys and .got pregnant with a child between us .another lil boy .we was able to go to park and take strolls and enjoy the freedom of being able to do anything .picnics .zoo.vacations .we loved the outside ...i was very happy .and we thought aboout having another child even .but said no due to my seriousness of cessarian complications .well i can see the point i already in life time had 3 Cessarians .so i was at risk .then get the call my hub was questioned by detective at cop station .and my hub told me about it .i was like what hapoened.then told me the guy told him all he had to do wwas write what hed like to tell someone .and soon as he wrote he was soory ..i guess that got him guilty .we was going on with our life .didnt know anytjing would come out of it .but as we was moving to alabama .since my hub was offered awsome payung job .we got the call .hub had to go back to tenn to talk to detective again.this time i was crying.worried.but in back mind said naybd tgey was only going to talk.hmm.well he called and told us the horrible news.he was arrested.wil not say for what on here.anyways .he was arrested abd i was sick .didnt want to eat .hub said sorry and asked if i was leaving him .told him no im not leavin him...we will get thru this with God in our lives well make it .and he kept talking about gettinv hin out .bail ws 250.000 $ we didnt have it .they said cause he was risk of escaping sincd we moved to alabama .which didnt make sence .anywayss.huby had to stay in jail 2and half months .segregsted unit .with lock downs ..visit him every week with our lil boy.until our son started wanting act up and not be quiet there .si got my hub mom watch son while went to visit .we was writing letter every day and mailing it folowing day .so mail would get to us every day .well.as the part me finding out i was very hurt but he told me truth.and i told him it ws terrible what happened but i believe he hsd changed from that person .i didnt marry the old him i married soneome who ws new .saved and ws deliveed of it ..he very humble kind man .good father.and loves the Lord.his offence was in the past .of 10yrs ago.but was charged 10yrs later.2009.anyways .we prayed so hard that the Lord have mercy on him judge would accept plea and the plea would be something can handle .we prayed .they first said 8Yrs jail..we couldnt all handle it .then she came back with ok 18yrs probation but he would also have to be on sex offender registry .25Yrs .and he cant tell us what he will havd to deal with but thix is what can offer hin .well they changed code names in tenn .and they gave him the worst code name charge .in plea.when its not even what he donr .but it hurt soo bad .cause yes my hub did do wrong but bot the code nane they charged hin with .and tgats what hurts and unfair .in pleas they know your gona take scare you enough 50Percent chance youll be not guikty and if tajes trial anf they do convic you can get 25Yrs .well my hub ws guilty he washt goibg to take to trial..so took plea .which included sex offender treatment .probation .court fines .etc .and sex offender registry ...we been dealing with all this only 5Yrs but its been rough .the restrictions are not fair ti our son whose now6Yrs old we are old and had kid young life .our son is the one suffring with this big time.and we r too in diff ways .harassment had done to us .shunning .im afraid of vigilantee like tgat othr couple .so i dont talk to anyone .. and i get sad cause of the imprisonment in our home and me being hurting body pain all the time .but still hold on with God help .i believe one day they will give us our constituional rights back si families can be families . The only other thing wanted to point out is that because my hub and i are for the Lord and holy spirit guides us leads us and comforts us strengthens us .it gets us thru all this endureing .and with God power .people can change ..the past been forgiven and never to be brought up again ..its society that wants to keep people not going forward and helping them to restore and give them the them the avenues to integrate back in society ..i dont condem my hub for his past .he repented .turned away of that life .and became new 2001 hes not same person ....hes a God fearing man .loves the Lord and he hss a diff mind .then of his past..

Hes been in counceling 5Yrs .probation no problems .not rafended .since the past .and pases polygraphs.and Godly fear .in him which leads him to stay in the right direction .right road .even if we dont get to see freedom of this stuff with registry we got streets of gold to walk on and pearly gates to enter.where Jesus prepared us a mansion.so to me yes this is horrible registry .what does to families .but there is still an eternity in heaven .no shackles on our feetttttt.hallelujah praise God

I appreciate all you comments they all have helped thank you all so much.

My fiancé was recently released after serving 2 years for CP charges. He was guilty of downloading the images and many of them were disturbing to me. We have two small sons together and also a half sister who is seven between us. We are trying to establish a family dynamic but it is very hard. I ask myself all the time the same questions. Why wasn't I enough and why would that be something he would even consider doing? I worry a lot about being gullible and too trusting especially since he was able to hide all this from me. He still thinks that it is harder for him to endure than me because I can "just walk away" anytime. We have had several disagreements about this. I am hoping that he understands that nobody gets to walk away. The results of his actions will have long reaching effects on both myself and our children. We both have a lot of work ahead of us but I truly believe that people can change. It is hard to find a balance though.