I think it would depend on how close you feel with the others. I also belong to a couple mommy groups online, groups I've been involved with for years, long before any of this happened with my husband. I feel I've grown close to many of them that they almost feel like family more so then just online friends. They were actually the first ones I went to for support when everything started with my husband and they have been some of my biggest support system. I think if these are people you have grown close to, they will understand and hopefully will be a huge support to you like the ladies in my group have been. Good luck!

If this so-called "womens group" had any empathy and love for any of their
members, they would be taking you in their arms and giving you the support you need to get through God-awful mess that you have been put through----which, by the way, is no fault of your own.

Instead, they are pushing you away---like their entire lives have been perfect!!

And they are "demanding" an explanation? For what? What kind of damn club is this?

You can relate to them what happened, but I hate the part where they are demanding an explanation or they are kicking you out.

If it were me, and you should not necessarily do what I would do, I would tell them to go to hell and take their group with them.

Time to double up on my BP medication.

rewdiazepam

That is so unfair on so many levels! This country is so rso crazy that they blame the family members too? And online??? I am furious for you!!! I know you are hurt but do you really want to stay a part of a group that condemns you for someone else's mistake? And by doing so affects your children as well. Oh I would explain alright. I would explain how freakin close minded and ignorant they are and I would explain that they are not worthy of your friendship or insight. Arrrggghhh!!

Personally, I'd be very wary of this group given the way this was handled. I do understand that the news can be shocking to people, especially since "sex offender" brings up images that often don't match the reality. And, people can respond badly in their initial shock. But, in this case, it really seems cruel and unfair to you.

If they are a group of women you really care about and who are generally kind, supportive people, it might be worth it to ride it out and see if things change. I just had a really hard time with some friends finding out. It was like first they were supportive, or trying to be, then they really quickly got kind of judgey and acted like I'd betrayed them, and honestly now it seems like they don't care very much. They're still sending their kids to my house to play, so I guess they don't think we're too scary.

But, I would be very upset at being put in the position where I was supposed to explain myself. Are there any specific women in the group you might want to keep contact with, and then just not worry about the whole formal group? I was part of a large mommy board years ago, and then some of the moms split off onto another board and I joined them, and then a few of those moms started an FB group. There's maybe 10-15 of us who post really regularly, and some of us have known each other for 10 years. I feel *very* safe with these women, and they know about our situation, and while I'm sure not everybody feels the same way about the registry in general that I do, they are all supportive and kind about things. So maybe you could just keep in contact with the moms you trust and forget the rest.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I know how much it hurts. It just sucks that we are judged for things we didn't do. The registry is punishment for the entire family, and honestly I think often the wife and children suffer more than the SO himself in terms of the stigma of the registry. I know that, in my house, my husband isn't the one who spends much time interacting with other families: it's me and the kids that are. And so we're the ones who are going to suffer the most from the stigma of it, not him.

I would echo twoforjoy's advice, and IF there are some in this group you feel "close" to, I would make some contact with them...but I would burn that bridge with the "group", with a nice scathing message about how YOU are being blamed and singled out for a grown man's misstake.....talk about the Salem Witch Hunt!!
And I am so sure the topic would come up, like ..." Well, this IS a MOMMY"S GROUP, and we, um, we HAVE TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN!!"...oo please....if that is the case, then keep tabs on that drooling Uncle of yours, and...is that your stepdad with so many stuffed animals????"
To be treated like this by a group you have been a part of just goes to show the kneejerk reaction to cases like yours. Good luck, but find some true friends...you know, the ones who ask you first what the deal is...

I'd be really tempted to go ahead and give an account and then tell them you'll find another less condecending group. I mean, really...who needs people like that

their loss, personally i wouldnt want anything to do with them. they cant see what you have to bring to the group, they will forever be stuck in their narrow short sighted world.

Call me stupid, but what the heck is a mommy group? I have a 3 year old , never got my invitation to such a group. I have a feeling it is a bunch of moms who are really into their role as a mom, like being referred to as "soccer moms" , love minivans and tend to be some of the most obnoxious people ever. Now i know what your thinking...its not fair to lump a group of people in a category like that, since that is what they try doing to us. I just cant stand that stereotypical soccer mom who essentially lives in a pretend bubble, where every man is a potential boogyman just waiting to steal their precious little kid..i always am fighting the urge to tell one of them that they are in fact probably the only ones who think their kid is worth stealing. Thats a mean thought for me to have, isnt it? I swear going through this whole nightmare with my brother and these draconian laws that supposedly are "for the children" has made me really not like children

I hear you amynmesa - I went through that not liking kids thing but after a while I realized it was not their fault of course. In some ways I am convinced that we as a society have done this to ourselves. Not just with the SO laws but many others. I am a teacher of first year college students and I tell them all the time that complacency is the biggest threat to their freedom. I often get blank stares but hopefully it will reach someone. I have seen this country change so much since I was a child. Some of it was needed and some is very much for the worse. We all as citizens have let this happen. People used to rally and stand up for each other and fight against tyranny but they do not do that much any more. When Michael Moore fought out against the Patriot Act he was labeled by many as a kook. I am here to tell you the man knew what he was talking about. When Congress is actually talking about the guidelines controlling the use of spy drones to be used on the people - folks we have a problem. In Florida on county just announced they are going to install cameras in all busy areas to be able to catch people doing crimes. Well, on the surface that seems ok right? No because it also catches all the activity of anyone!

I have known a young man for about 25 years that was a friend of my ex husband. He is obviously to anyone who meets him slightly mentally handicapped. He was put on the registry several years before my son's crime and I was outraged! Little did I know at the time that it would eventually affect my family as well. They do not seem to discriminate about who can be on the registry - everyone is equally eligible. I hope the sarcasm comes through in that last one.

I love MY kids and some of my friend's kids. Other than that, i don't care much for kids...tho' I'm not as bad as one girl i know who often declares that she loves her kids only cos the state tells her she has to.

My thought is this...we have gone far far beyond PROTECTING kids, to practically worshipping them.

This biggest problem and the one that gripes the most is that they want you to explain and give an explanation.

You did nothing wrong. Does the fact that you have a husband that is a SO affect the purpose or function of this group? If not, and I don't see how it could, why do need all this information?

Too many sex offenders and families are walking around with their heads bowed like they are in a constant state of shame. We are all still human beings and have self-worth on this planet.

When we, as sex offenders, and others on this board, as moms, mothers, and family member of sex offender are made to grovel and look so "needy" that we feel a need to explain every last detail of the crime to become a member----we have problems.

I would tell them to go to hell. Non necessarily in those words, but I would let them know what I think

"Begging" or having to explain things is a way they have of robbing you of your dignity. DO NOT allow them to do that. Do not allow them to assert that somehow you are responsible for this situation you are in.

Nobody can take your dignity unless you allow them to. Once a person begins to lose his or her dignity, then he loses his self-respect-----------and it is all downhill after that.

No, we should not be proud of the crime, but we should let others know that we still have tons of self respect and refuse to allow people to treat us like monsters.

rewdiazepam

@advocate ..actually their are those who will never have to worry about the registry. Law enforcement and their families, also politics, the ones who push these laws and of course their families. My all time favorite example of how this works is the son of Arizonas own Ken Bennett. Clifton Bennett (18 yrs old at the time) admitted to raping 16 boys between the ages of 11 and 14 during a month long summer camp. Clifton was cut a hell of a deal..allowed to plead guilty to one count of assault which in a year would be dropped from a felony to a misdemeanor. He also will never have to register as an SO , since doing so would have made it difficult to go on his LDS mission....isnt that precious??

amynmesa - oh man - yeah we have a few of those around here too - the son of Mark Lunsford assualted and stalked a girl and actually wore the t shirt with his dead sister on it to court! The judge let him get away it and he does not have to be on the registry. Makes me sick and I am sure there are several of them we never even heard of - like movies stars and other politicians

A mommy group is basically where we share information about parenting and get together for playdates sometimes. My number 1 passion is childbirth breastfeeding ect so I really enjoyed this group as it didn't have a ton of drama that is usually involved in such groups.

I ended up giving them a near 4 page story about everything. They thanked me for being honest and said they would get back to me with their decision but when I didn't hear from them in 2 days I decided to tell them to keep me deleted. I did it in a tactful way that also said that it was totally not cool to punish me for what my husband did and gave them some good info.

While it ended with me leaving I am hoping that some of my words got through and that they learned a few things about SOs and judging. I haven't heard back from them since and sent that message last night and thanks to Facebook's stalking feature of showing who has seen the message I know that they both saw it but whatever.

This was my first but I'm sure it won't be my last.