Families of SOs Community Group
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This is a PM between my good friend REW and I he suggested I share it and get some feedback
When they told me my record was expunged and that I didn't have to register i broke down. It was like a dream. I couldn't stop crying. No one knows the hell that we face. I have anxiety because of everything that I have to do as a sex offender. At some points its so bad I feel like i am dying.
It won't be real completely until my wife and I can live together without residency restrictions, until I can get a job and support my family, until I don't have to register a new vehicle or a new place of employment or until idk if it will ever be real. its all I have known for the last 15 years. It won't be real until I have the paperwork in my hands stating that I am off of the registry and I take that into the police station and I "register" for the last time.
For the last 15 years I wasn't Josh Murdoch I was a registered sex offender. Its who I am and who I have become. I feel like in a way part of my identity has been stripped from me but in a good way. its like i was born again and I can do anything with my life. Where before there were so many restrictions and so many rules that what was the point of trying when I would have to jump thru all these hoops to get a job or to take my kids to school or anything. I have such a fear of police officers that Its unreal.
Thanks for all of your support. Its nice to have a friend whom has to go thru what I do/did.
When they told me my record was expunged and that I didn't have to register i broke down. It was like a dream. I couldn't stop crying. No one knows the hell that we face. I have anxiety because of everything that I have to do as a sex offender. At some points its so bad I feel like i am dying.
It won't be real completely until my wife and I can live together without residency restrictions, until I can get a job and support my family, until I don't have to register a new vehicle or a new place of employment or until idk if it will ever be real. its all I have known for the last 15 years. It won't be real until I have the paperwork in my hands stating that I am off of the registry and I take that into the police station and I "register" for the last time.
For the last 15 years I wasn't Josh Murdoch I was a registered sex offender. Its who I am and who I have become. I feel like in a way part of my identity has been stripped from me but in a good way. its like i was born again and I can do anything with my life. Where before there were so many restrictions and so many rules that what was the point of trying when I would have to jump thru all these hoops to get a job or to take my kids to school or anything. I have such a fear of police officers that Its unreal.
Thanks for all of your support. Its nice to have a friend whom has to go thru what I do/did.
How did I get thru it. Thats a tough one. Definately my support system of My Wife above all then family and friends. I used to think about suicide almost every day. there is one thing that stopped me from going thru with it. I am afraid to die. I didn't want to go out and get a job because of the hassle of all the restrictions. i didn't want to move out of my mom and dads house because of all the restrictions. The laws made me a deadbeat and a poor father to my kids. I couldn't take them to school, go to any of their school activities.
The only way I found out my record was exponged was because I went into the courthouse to see what my charge was compareable with if i was to move to another state. I was prepared to leave behind two kids with my ex wife and just get them every summer. And uproot my wife and my other two kids to move to a more sex offender friendly state or country. And she was all for it because she knows how much of a hell it is on me and our family. We don't live together. I can't support my family. I am a failure as a husband and a father but alot of it is my own anxiety and I ask myself why should I bother with all these laws. All these restrictions. The only thing these laws do is strip away a persons dignity and chance to live a normal life after a mistake.
A little background about me. I know this sounds bad but I have known my wife since she was 8. I was friends with her family for as long as I can remember. We started dating when she was 18 and we have been together for the last 4 years. And now I feel like we are totally free to be a family.
This is my story or some of it.
I know the anxiety all too well in a state where if I talk to a child other than my own I'm guilty of a crime.
I've lived under those restrictions more than half my life.
I'm so excited you found a way out!!
Have you looked into moving? Sounds like you are still on the registry even though you are off!
Is it because the wording in your state laws. Some states make their laws refer to a "person CONVICTED of a sex offense" rather then say "A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER". That way even though the person is no longer a registrant, the laws can still apply to that person forever.
Just curious if that was the case.
The restrictions - parks, schools, forest preserves, bike paths, celebrating holidays, McDonald's , etcetera are growing every year. These apply to anyone convicted.
On the letter ending my registration it warns I must still follow these laws.
Unconstitutional ? Yes!!
But who has the money to fight it.
In my dreams I fight which includes a lawsuit that pays for the fight and covers the loss of my job, etc. But in reality I know it doesn't work that way.
He thinks 'they'd never know' if I violated the laws. I told him it just takes once. A ticket. A license plate scan.
I don't want to break the law!! I want to be a good citizen.
But the law says I need written permission from the super intendant every time I enter a school. So if my child gets sick I can't pick her up until I get written permission ? And they can deny me permission for everything but conferences / placement.
So the shaming still exists. I must go before the super intendant and thus the school board to ask to see my child's concert.
Parks? I have no recourse. I just can't go. This includes everything - zoos, beaches, picnic areas and dog parks. Any municipal property or park district property.
My husband says they don't arrest for that.
Anyway , moving is on my list to do. I just need to sell my house (and really, who wants to move to IL?!)
I've researched the states that I can move to without issue.