Families of SOs Community Group
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My bf is an RSO in WV and I live in GA. We met almost a year ago on Instagram and have had an INSANE connection since that day we first started talking. We we're supposed to finally meet during the week of the 4th of July, however, my mother googled his name and his mugshot came up, along with his title. She then refused to watch my daughter so I could see him, saying I'm going to "drag my daughter down with me.". I tried telling her it's not like we were moving in together anytime soon and she kept saying how I would be giving my daughter a stigma, etc. I was so angry because he has this stupid title becauae hehwas sexting back amd forth with two 16-uear olds. The mother of one of them found the pictures they were sending each other and pressed charges on him, as he was 18. There are people who rape and molest violently (my great-uncle to my mother and all my aunts as they grew up...he has no damn title! Neither does the man who raped my bf at the age of 5!). Well, because of his title, (which doesn't define the amazong, patient, self-aware, communicative man my boyfriend is, our tripm to meet was cancelled. We....both cried and were devastated. I have found a friend who will watch my daughter in 7 weeks, so I can go for a couple days to see him. I plan on telling my mom after the letter he wrote her gets to her. He wrote her, saying he understands her concerns and respects them and would answer any questions she has and that we love each other and would love to meet someday. I'm 33 and feel I should see him, but still respect my mother and tell her where I'm going. My boyfriend and I have also discussed that to avoid my daughter getting jeopardozed, we would live in the same city, but different houses until she's 18, as I don't want to lose her because of this ridiculous label he's been unfairly given.
Any advice on what to do or expect? I'm going to see him! Not everyone who gets this stigma deserves it and he's one of them. I want my mom to see that I'm not leaving him, but I want to be respectful in how I show it.
Thanks in advance!
I have had heaps of experience in all these matters over the years and it is difficult to imagine that a mother would throw a hissy fit over a guy who was 18 years old messaging a couple of 16 year old females. After all, there is only two years difference. Does she have any idea of how many folks marry with a two year difference in age? My God, he was only 18 years old. Does she realize that all of us have done stupid things when we were teens? This is what teens do----have sex and talk about sex. This is normal teen behavior.
If the young lady was 12 years old, it would be different, but a 16 year old female knows exactly what she is doing.
You point blanked asked “What should I do.” In short, YOU NEED TO HUMANIZE YOUR BF AND MAKE YOUR MOTHER REALIZE THAT HE IS NOT JUST ANOTHER OBSCURE NUMBER.
Over the years I have written dozens of letters to parole boards and judges for mothers, wives, or defendants. In these letters, it is very important to HUMANIZE the offender and to put a human face on him.
Make others realize that he is a person made of blood and bones and not some monster.
Your BF was correct in sending your mom a letter, as that was a good first step. You may have to gradually work into this, but at some point he needs to meet her face to face. Let him sell himself. Let her see for herself that he is not some JackTheRipper or monster and let her see that he loves you. Actions always speak louder than words. Let him show her who he really is.
Once you can humanize him, most of the battle is won. She will no longer see him as Mr. Sex Offender, but as a young man who made a stupid mistake in judgement.
rewdiazepam
I hope you get to see him and spend time with him however I don't agree with leaving your baby with your friend for 7 days to see him.
I respect your decision to respect your mother however at the end of the day your s grown woman and when it's all said and done it should be you and him against the world. Since he's the man you choose to be with she will have to respect your decision because at the end of it all when she leaves it's you and him.
@rewdiazepam:. As always, your posts bring me hope! He plans on appealing his label and we have decided that, worst-case scenario, we will have to live apart (one city away) until my daughter is 19, where we will then move in together. We are going to find a way to clear him, one way or another. Thank you so much for all your kind and smart words!!