Of course your son has a second chance at life. Contrary to popular opinion, the recidivism or re-offense rate for sex offenders is around five percent, which is the lowest rate for any crime except murder. Many can be helped with therapy.

Many guys with a sex offense are doing well here on the outside. People usually only hear the horror stories about felons and the sex offender registry, but the truth is that most are doing well. You just never hear about the success stories, as they do not make for good headlines.

Many sex offenders do well in therapy, work on their problems, and live decent lives. While it is true that the sex offender registry is an obstacle, the effects of the registry can be mitigated in several instances.

I have supported many mothers and offenders over the years. One of the first things a mother mentions to me is, “Is there something I could have done or failed to do that caused him to offend?” Since the reason people commit crimes are varied and not well understood, a mother’s first inclination is to place some of the blame on herself. I have never seen a mother who was responsible for her son committing a sex crime---or any other criminal offense.

Mothers do not “teach” sons to offend. Sometimes a mother may have enabled a son or the son has not had the best home life and upbringing, but the reasons for his offense are many and varied. Many offenders come from a decent home in which both the mother and father did everything they could to instill values in him; some offenders may have come from a broken home or a single parent home and his upbringing may have been less than perfect. But people commit crimes for many reasons and their mother is not one of those reasons.

I am sure as a mother that you did the best you could. The mere fact that you are even on these boards asking for help shows that you are a loving mother who cares deeply for her son.

Some---not all, but some--- sex offenders are struggling with a mental health issue; this fact has been verified by years of scientific research. Some really ignorant people will argue that point, but these people need to stop commenting on subjects for which they have no knowledge. Once the mental health issue begins to resolve, the offender does better. Studies have shown, for example, that many CP offenders have never touched a child and are unlikely to do so; some have molested children, but some have not.

Your son will be dealing with the criminal justice system soon, which will be a very difficult ordeal for him and you. He could very possibly go to prison for a period of time. If the investigation has gone as far as a nurse calling you, then his arrest may be forthcoming.

At this point, he needs to keep his mouth shut regarding his crime, especially to law enforcement. LE will attempt to get him to talk so they can twist anything he says to make him look worse. You also need to refrain from talking about the specifics of his crime. Allow his attorney to do all his talking for him.

Your son is not a monster or a serial child molester. Those folks are only a small percentage of sex offenders. Most offenders are not pedophiles and are treatable with therapy. The treatment may not cure their problem, but it often keeps it under control.

He not only needs some very intensive therapy, but he also needs some direction and motivation in life. His refusal to work or further his education is troubling at best. While I doubt that this led to him to offending, it may have set the stage for a mindset that is not favorable to staying out of trouble.

Not working and not being interested in bettering himself will just not cut it in the real world.

But every obstacle can be overcome, as I have seen it happen in other offenders. Hope is always there. Sometimes all the negative emotion creates a mindset with so much confusion that it does not allow us to see any hope for the future, but trust me, it is always there. It sounds as if you might be at that point.

Hope and faith are two bedrocks that we must never forget. Unless we have both hope and faith, the future becomes very bleak at times.

I hope I have not upset you, but we need to be honest. I read your blog and enjoyed it. Having worked with mothers and going through this mess myself---including almost a decade in prison----I know the pain and emotional turmoil this causes.

Keep writing as writing seems to help a person cope with these situations. Exercise your faith. You would be best served to get into some therapy to deal with this. You may need some light meds---antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs---to help you get over this dark period. Many of the modern antidepressants are very effective with few side effects, especially the SSRIs. You have to stay healthy in both body and spirit so you can help your son if he needs you.

Take one day at a time, love your son unconditionally, and understand that you have done nothing wrong.

I post on several forums, but I come around here several times a day. If there is any way I can ever help you, do not be afraid to ask.

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