Families of SOs Community Group
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Hello everyone, I'm Michael by the way. I've been dealing with family court for the past year and I'm getting tired of the same old news every time I go. I see my daughter for one hour a week and I would have thought that my visits would be longer with the time I've been doing them... I hope that the court of long island n.y will grant me the chance to be a true father to my beautiful Isabella. She is now 2 1/2 and ahe is not getting any younger. Just hurts me the court is using my sex offence to work against me.. someone help me with advice....
Do you have an attorney??
Only getting to see your daughter for one hour a week is ridiculous; it is both unfair to the child not to be able to see her father more often and it is unfair to you as a father. I do not know the nature of your crime, but maybe you could see the child with someone else present. Something should be able to be worked out so you could see her oftener.
I would speak to an attorney knowledgeable in these matters. You might be able to do a consultation just to see if he or she can help you in your situation. I do think you will have to go back to court to change the terms of the visitation with your daughter.
Also, I wanted to comment on something you mentioned in one of your journal entries. Reading parts of the journal, it seems as if you have a general sadness at times. In fact, I saw this quote from your journal, “But for some reason I hold myself back, sometimes I feel that I'm never good enough sometimes I feel that I will be stuck in the same position that I always am. I just want to be loved,”
I have dealt with felons and sex offenders for almost two decades now. One of the problems sex offenders have is that they can never find a way to forgive themselves for their crime. Especially in sex related crimes, many offenders are so ashamed that they refuse to forgive themselves for their crime and as a result they feel as if they are not “good enough” to have a decent life.
Everybody is entitled to the pursuit of happiness. This idea of perpetual punishment helps no one.
Sex offenders hear on TV and in the media how all sex offenders are monsters and truly horrific human beings. In fact, they hear it so often that I think some offenders begin to believe it themselves.
You are how you act. If you act and think like a felon, you will see yourself as a felony sex offender. Don’t allow other folks to define you as a person as a human being. They know you committed a crime, but I can guarantee you that they do not know what is in your heart.
Michael, you have to learn to forgive yourself or you will never be able to go on with your life. Forgiving yourself does NOT mean excusing yourself for your crime, nor does it mean minimizing your crime or not taking full responsibility. Forgiving yourself means taking responsibility that you did something possibly terrible, but at the same time realizing that you are human and are trying to make amends for your mistake.
Nobody---nobody----can rob you of your dignity and self-respect unless you allow them to. You know who you are better than anyone on earth. Some people just love to kick others when they are down as it makes all their failures in life less important. They like to know that someone is having it harder than they are. Misery loves company and this is what so many mean-spirited people in this country think.
We are all flawed human beings. I am, you are, and your next door neighbor is. We all sin and make mistakes, sometimes tragic mistakes. We must take responsibility for those mistakes and make amends, but we have to forgive ourselves so we can go on with our life.
When I was in prison, I had a TV, but we could not receive many channels. But we did get the History Channel. Every Saturday morning I would watch an hour long program called “Mysteries of the Bible.” I am not a religious fanatic, but it was about the only thing to watch on Saturday morning and I found it interesting. I will never forget that one time there was a Jewish Rabbi who spoke of judgment. He said something I will never forget. He said, “There is so much good in the worst of us and so much bad in the best of us that an omnipotent figure such as God is the only person qualified to judge us.” I agree. But just as we should not judge others, maybe you should not judge yourself too harshly.
Yes, you made a mistake but if you were in prison for eight years, you have paid dearly for that mistake. Now is the time to dust off the past and get on with your life. In a spiritual sense, nobody should have to continue paying for their mistakes or sins forever.
As you might guess, I am not the darling of the victim’s rights groups. They think I don’t care about victims and I always make excuses for the offender, which is not true. But I believe in second chances and I believe in redemption. I don’t believe in giving up on offenders if they are trying.
I have even had some victims email me or message me while taking all their anger out on me. It does not faze me, but I did have one victim who told me, “I could kiss her @ss.” Classy.
Have you talked to a therapist or a professional about these feelings? I suggest you talk many of these feelings out so you can deal with them. You cannot love someone else if you do not love yourself.
Just a few thoughts.
rewdiazepam
I am so sorry to hear about your problems with the court. I will be praying for you that the judge grants favor and mercy to you as a child needs her father more than one hour a week. And I agree with everything Rew said
Rew, that was beautifully written and I agree with you 100%!! That is exactly why I am still with my bf throughout this ordeal. There is so much good in him I would be crazy to walk away just because of one poor decision. Yes, it was a big and costly mistake, but he knows that better than anyone and he doesn't need judgement just forgiveness and redemption. If more people actually believed and followed what the Bible said instead of judging everybody all the time, what an amazing world this would be!!
Michael, don't give up!! Keep fighting for your daughter and show the world you are more than the mistake you made. There are people in the world who are willing to give others second chances (and third, forth, fifth,...). This group is full of people who have. We are here to support you in any way we can. Find a support system/group near you also that you can meet with regularly. You need to surround yourself with positive people who care for you. You can make it through this!!
That is so sad that they will only allow you to see your child for one hour per week. I will pray that this will increase for you for the sake of your child. A child needs their dad and mum.
I can only echo what the others have so eloquently put that you keep your spirits up and keep trying to get more contact.
On the days that I feel very sad about everything that has happened, I look at how happy my children are with their dad. It's really sad that that many children are denied that special relationship with their dad. A relationship even under supervision can mean so much to a child and their dad.
As your child gets older, she will hopefully be able to express a wish to see you more regularly and your contact will increase.
Take care