We do attend a church, and it is so large, that we kind of get lost in the crowd. For us, that is the best thing for now. I agree that churches should be helpful and understanding and a safe haven for families of SOs and SOs themselves. I wish it were like that. Speaking from experience, some churches care more about their reputations and making sure that the people associated with them are "perfect" and they forget that a big part of what churches are supposed to do is help the people they are trying to keep out.

So far my church has been very kind and helpful. The Bishop has helped me alot. Not one person has said anything bad to my face about my husband. But you do know who your true friends are when something like this happens. The real test will be when he comes home and starts to attend meetings with them. I won't know this for a few years down the road.

We are both strong Christians. We attend church where his parents go. Since my husband can only see the kids during specified visits. We have to go in separate cars, I take our son to his class then the baby and I can sit with him, and his parents. The pastor knows our situation. He lives right across the street from my in-laws. We go there because the po says Steven can go there. So he's been going there for 2 years. I started going in June this year. (I had been going somewhere else) The pastor says that he has to be escorted in and out of the building and cannot stay in the parking lot. I have NEVER been spoken to by the pastor, or pretty much anyone else. The pastor came into the pharmacy I work in last week and just looked at me. Never even said hello. (Yes I smiled and said Hi first) I feel like I am riding in on my in-laws coat tails. Even when we have the little "say hello to everyone" time, people ask me "Is this your 1st time here?" I tell them "No, I come here every week." I love God, I love being a Christian, but I have never felt more out of place in a church.

Thanks for sharing. I suspected as much. I grew up in a Lutheran Church in a very rural community. I suspect SO's and their families would not really be made to feel welcome there either. That is such a shame and all people that attend any church should be very ashamed of themselves. That is not the way I was taught to act.

First of all, brent72, welcome to the group. I am happy for your help and thoughts even if you do not have a direct connection to a SO. We need all the help and good thoughts we can get.
Now for church. My church has so many ministries but none that deal with SO's or even other prisoners. I keep wondering if a church cannot reach out than who can. I feel there is much hypocricy. No one is a saint and everyone is a sinner. And from what I've read about saints, many of them were sinners who turned their lives around. Why not our loved ones?

I am in the middle of a lot of backlash with our church. I have a friend who is a rso and got "kicked out" along with his friends who came with him. My husband is also a rso. We went to the pastor when this all came out and they are treating my husband differently, but there is still a lot of two-faced individuals who are making it very difficult. My husband also has to check in when he is there, but they don't follow to the parking lot. It confuses me because my church is big on prison ministry, and I keep asking them where they want these prisoners to go after they are released and you have saved them through the grace of God? Anywhere but their own church seems to be the answer. I don't know if the church would be as accomodating with us if I hadn't been as involved in the church the previous 5 years, or if we hadn't approached the pastor firtst. It is definitely not quite friendly, but almost tolerable.

Our church has been so supportive of us. It has been so great. It has been weird at times like when we were looking for a new pastor and the people said if you are not supportive of our family we will not call you as our pastor. They also had one of the officers involved in the investigation attending the church and they told him that until he admitted that my husband was innocent that he was not welcome. They also paid my husband bail. they have written my husband every week and they have supported me spiritually, financially. I am truly blessed to be a part of this congregation.

Would those that have had good experiences mind saying what "type" of church they attend, like Lutheran, Methodist, Cathlic, Baptist, etc etc? Maybe this would help those that are having trouble to be able to find a church that would be more supportive.

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. They have been very supportive. I can hold my head high. I am hoping and praying it will be the same when my husband comes home.

What a great question! I love my church! I, and most of my immediate family, attend a non-denominational Christian church. My pastor is aware of our situation, but since my father-the SO-does not attend, it's not a real issue. We do have a strong Prison Ministry & welcome all. I am quite active and have not heard of or know of anyone being mistreated. I do know that we have several rso/so that attend. Now I do not know if others know. My church is very contemporary and not for everyone. But it works for me! (I am a non-practicing Catholic.) :)

I've attended a United Methodist Church for the past 8 years; it was the church I grew up in another state. But this church is more of a non-denominational than any service I've ever been to. It welcomes everyone and calls itself "An Oasis for Healing". Three years ago they established "Celebrate Recovery", a worship and step-program originally designed at Rick Warren's church, Saddleback, in Calif. The program is for anyone who suffers from addictions, or have family members who do. This could be drugs, alcohol, food, co-dependency, or sexual addiciton. It is open to anyone in our community and the members and what they discuss is not revealed outside the program. this program is well established throughout the country; if any of you feel the need of face-to-face connections with people you can trust, you should find the nearest house of worship that sponsors it. A year ago, when I was so ashamed of my son's addiction and imprisonment and wouldn't discuss it with anyone at church, a spirit filled lady was led to start a program there called Moms of Hope for mothers of pordoigal adult children. It is a blessing to all of us. There are generally 8-12 women who attend. Some have adult children in prison, in jail, on drugs, or alcoholics. None would have come forward were it not for the bravery of this loving lady. None of the members have children who are sex offenders and it was very difficult for me to open up and divulge this. It took me 3 or 4 meetings before I could say why he was in prison. I know many of you can relate to this. We share our problems and triumphs, pray together and do a Bible study. Parenting Prodigals by Phil Wadldrep was our initial study and taught us that we can not "fix" our children. Our interference hinders God in the work He wants to do in them; we remind ourselves of that every day. I have been blessed to find a church with open arms and open hearts. I'll pray that all of you find the place where you belong at this difficult time of your lives.

I go to an Assemblies of God church. A few people know my situation, but it doesn't really reflect on me. They treat me just the same as ever, except maybe a little more compassion when I'm feeling angry or depressed. I know that there have been at least two other SO's at the church. One reoffended and was reincarcerated. The other is welcome at church. The only time any concern has been brought up was when he wanted to work in the nursery. But even that was dealt with compassionately.

I know this is an older post, but was drawn to the topic, as we are dealing with this right now. My son is a SO. He violated his probation recently (not a reoffense; interacted with the 14 yr old babysitter in their home) and our church has put him out or "churched" him. This week, we are attempting to decide whether he can even step on church grounds again. It was dealt with very publically. The pastor and his wife have sided with his wife, who now wants a divorce (she did all along) and who brought the babysitter in (that's a whole 'nother story). Tomorrow night, this can of worms will be opened again. Our pastor stirred the pot; my son was called a "sexual predator", I was told he's a pedaphile (wrong age; doesn't even fit) and will be violated and killed in prison, and that several of the men want to kill him. Am very raw at the moment. You see, I've had enough. I've been there 32 years and I know too much. We have another man there who is a sex offender, but the offense was hid in our pastor's office. I know about it, because his mother called me about it the day after it happened. The hypocrisy and double standards, politics and lies that have gone on make me sick. I do understand wanting to protect children, even if he isn't a true pedaphile. But their reactions are over the top. "Truth is treason in the house of lies." Battling with bitterness here. I hope and pray it goes well tomorrow night, as I don't know how much more I can take before I walk.

My church has been a huge help. they have supported us emotionally, spiritually and finacially. They were there when the false accusation was made, adn through the trial and everything.
I go to a Brethren Church

This is not new, read about Pual who set out to kill all christians before God Changed his heart and life. NO christian wanted to have anything to do with him, but one, and they changed the lifes of many. God used him to write most of the New Testimony.