I sent you a PM.

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What about sending him a book that you both read and discuss the book? Sometimes when hubby and I don't have anything to talk about, we can talk about a recent show we both have watched it a book we both read. This helps to keep the conversation going. From there, we can break out of the rut and find new things to talk about.

My heart goes out to you and your son. As a mother, we hurt when they hurt. It would seem like 21 hours of isolation would depress anyone. My family member was very depressed in the beginning months, too, but some of the other inmates helped him adjust but it took time. They usually form bonds over time. He also exercises a lot and reads many books to keep his mind occupied and distracted. He was put in a section for sex offenders only which really helped since they were all in the same boat. They support each other but he still has good days and bad. He was also given an anti-depressant to help with his depression. Keeping him up to date on family members so he feels connected is always a good idea. Ask him what books you can send him, something of interest to him. Hopefully people are writing to him or visiting him which also gives him something to talk about. If you can do things for yourself, too, and get out with friends/family, that would also help your mental state and you can share your experiences with him. Just you being there to visit means the world to him so don't worry too much about saying the right words. Your love, support and visits mean more than words can express. I will keep you, your son and family in my thoughts and prayers.

I don't know how old you are or how much other family you have to help you through this but as I get older, I'm not thrilled at the inevitabilitys I'm facing as I age. I for one can't think of much worse than to outlive everyone I care about and end up alone among strangers when I am old and can't fend for myself. Your husband committed suicide for whatever reason and "left " you (and your son) alone to face whatever. That might make some people angry, especially if they trusted the other person to be there for them.

I don't know what kind of sentence your son faces but he sees the old guys on the yard and the graying couple/ mothers in visiting and it's like looking fate in the face.

Your son faces the prospect of (perhaps) quite a long time in prison and the loss of not only a lot of his productive years but perhaps the loss of his mother who, it sounds like is his life line during this time.
If he calls you a couple of times a day he needs to hear your voice and know you are still alive as much as you sound like you need to hear his voice and know he's still alive and relatively safe. So what if you sit in silence, just try to make it's a companionable silence when you visit. As long as you can hug him and see his face? What you say to each other doesn't matter nearly as much as that you don't take all this hurt and anger out on each other and make a bad situation worse. Don't cut each other off.

There is a verse in Job that matters to me: "There is this of a tree, if it be cut down the tender branch there of shall rise again." Stop focusing on loss. Talk to your son about how both of you will (eventually) find ways to rise again. There are useful things he can find to do inside.

For now, maybe ask him what music he wants to hear and see if you can play a few minutes of a favorite song for him next time he calls. Tell him you are in for the long haul. Tell him you aren't going to let your anger at the situation ruin this for both of you. Talk to him about what other people write about Families. Tell him what they/ we too are going through here on families of Sex Offenders and discuss how we/ they handle what they're going through. Ask his opinion. Tell him what peace2all or Thought as weak said about their situations how they handle this and other stuff that comes up because we are your (and his) family now. See what he thinks about these suggestions. Ask him how he thinks you (both) could handle this, or ask him if he has a suggestion to offer someone on this site about how they might handle something they are going through and post his ideas and tell him what the response was.
Include him in this life.
Grow a life and make him part of it. He needs you and you need him and we all need each other. We all need people who understand the joys and sorrows of this life. I don't know what Rew said to you or what other's might have e-mailed privately but listen and then do something to make your life and his better.
I suggest you find a way to let go of your anger and be glad you can still hear the sound of his voice. Be glad vou can visit often. Even if you visit so often that you sometimes run out of things to say to each other. Decide to be glad you are both alive. Decide to make the most of the time you have together and apart.
Do things on purpose. Take care of yourself. Get up and go read all the funny greeting cards on the wrack at the grocery store. Send him the funniest card. Write I love you inside. then go get your hair cut. Shop the thrift stores and find something "new" in a pretty color . Watch a comedy and if that doesn't cheer you up watch another one! Make a list of what makes you feel better and actually get up and do it and then you'll have something to talk about.

Wow! Janetmackie, you are wonderful for writing such an encouraging post! Thanks from someone who needed that.

I like to send cartoons. Or i will sometimes take a silly selfie and print it. I like to write letters. Not just about what i do but how i feel. I try and keep it light. He enjoys getting my letters. And yes i do get angry at times with him. But i also tell him i support and love him. Writing him and gathering stuff to send him helps me too. Its enjoying scouring the internet for the funny pix and carttons. Since he loves cats...there is a website of funny cat jokes. And yes....sometimes i run out of things to say.

Good luck and keep up the communication. It is all he has.

There are a lot of "mom journals" or "family journals" out there that you could purchase and then fill out and share with him when he calls or better yet write a page or two a day to him. That way he can read and re-read it. They give you specific topics or questions that prompt you to review your memories and/or feelings. I'm working on one with my husband. I write him the question, I write my answer in the book and then he writes me back his answer which I also put in the book and in my next letter to him I write the next question and I give him the answer I wrote to the last question. That way we both answer without input from the other. Hopefully later it will be a treasure for our children to hear our story told by both of us. But there are lots of journals out there...maybe there's one for mothers and sons!

Lots of great advice that I needed to hear today. Stay connected to your son in any way you can. Get the help you need to remain strong and forge on.

Me and my Hubs send 2-3 questions that we both have to answer in our letters. Sometimes they are silly and sometimes more serious but it gets a conversion started and requires some thought. We have also done the reading a book at the same time and talking about that. That helps a lot too. I tell my hubs about every little detail from getting gas, to the people I saw at Wal Mart to what I ate that day. Anything really just to chat. It may seem mundane to you but I think it helps both of us feel more connected.

Talk about anything....tv shows, movies, books you're reading, foods you ate....you are the source of hope for your son and he needs to see that life is still out there. It doesn't matter what you talk about, as long as you keep talking. Right now he is adjusting to an extremely difficult situation, but he WILL adapt, and if he sees his mother living and having hope he will too.

I so understand what you're going through. My son is in year 5 of a 20 year sentence. His first two years he was segregated and in solitary. It is so heartbreaking to see your baby boy in such a situation. My heart goes out to you. God bless you and your son.

Mary