First of all, he needs plenty of space and time to acclimate from prison.

Do not push him, let him relax for a couple of months. Prison is a tough place and it takes time to readjust to civilian life. Of course, there is a time when he needs to start looking for a job and being a responsible citizen, so don't allow him to wait a year to do anything.

Don't expect him to ever look at life or people in the same manner as he did before he went to prison. Prison changes people. Since he had a short sentence, I would not expect him to come out much differently, but he probably will not be very trusting of the government or other people. He may be stand-offish at first, but that is normal.

Do things with him that are fun and not complicated----a trip to the beach, a good movie with you at night, a nice dinner, etc.

People coming out of prison do not like complicated situations. There will also be a bias against him and anyone coming out of prison, so allow him to avoid awkward situations.

Awkward situations are those in which he is forced to interact with someone that reminds him of his crime or conviction---or someone who is overly judgmental. I know whenever I went to Wal Mart in my home town, I would invariably see or come face to face with someone who I knew before I went to prison or worse yet, with someone who had a hand in my conviction. Sometimes they came up to me and wrapped their arms around me or shook my hand, but sometimes they literally turned around and walked the other way.

It ruined my whole day when that would happen.

But the point is that I did not know how people would react, so I just did not want to be around any of them. It is very difficult to go back to the town or area in which you were convicted for this very reason and the fact that there are so many bad memories there.

I never dealt with probation as I discharged my entire sentence in prison, but someone who has had more experience than I in this area can chime in here.

The registry is much easier than probation and how a person handles the registry is as much mental as it is about the rules and regulations.

rewdiazepam

Thanks so much you are always so helpful! We still have 6 months to go but this time of year always gets busy so I'm sure it will be here in no time so I'm
Trying to prepare ahead of time I guess what I'm most nervous about is the registry and our son he will be 7 and I worry about things like school functions and will he be able to go to sporting events for him and who we will have to disclose that status to all the details stress me out and from
What I read a lot of it has to deal with his probation officer is that correc?

The degree of difficult your guy has on probation will at lot be decided by the PO officer.

POs are God and they can send a probationer back to prison if they violate the rules----and the PO will make a lot of the rules.

Also, a positive attitude is important. If a probationer or registrant acts like an idiot, being loud and cursing, he will be treated by an idiot by everyone he comes in contact with, including the PO.

I have seen guys down at registration who act like complete jerks. They appear menacing, they give dirty looks, and frankly, they look and act like criminals. What are people supposed to think of someone when they act like that??

It is much better to be cool, respectful, and collected with a smile on your face.
No, don't allow them to violate your civil rights or run all over you, but just be a nice person. That is not so hard to do.

As he gets along with his PO, the PO will lift some of the harsh restrictions that were initially placed on him. He can do this. It will be hard, but it is doable.

There is an old saying in prison---to get respect you have to show respect.

rewdiazepam

Good advice on making the transition from prison life to life on the outside. I think you spend so much time dreaming of and waiting for that day that you can overlook the realities of making the adjustment back to civilian life. I'm going to print this out and keep it in my folder to remind me to be patient and take it easy on him when he first comes home. Quiet dinners and trips to the beach sound great right now!

I will explain what NOT to do with him when he comes home. I learned from experience.

As I stated earlier, so many things can turn into awkward situations for a person coming home from prison especially if he was well known, it was a sex crime, and the case was well publicized. Being a sex crime just makes it more salacious for people and that is a big problem.

Upon my release, my lady friend kept saying, "Oh, let's go to the football game or oh, lets go meet so and so (a former acquaintance of ours) or oh, let's go out to eat (at one of the most popular places in town.) Hell, I did not want to see people who reminded me of my nightmare!!! And I sure did not want to meet someone I hated from the criminal investigation and trial face-to-face. I just wanted to REST.

But she could not understand that and to an extent, it caused some problems between us. I did not mind going, but I did not need to see anything that made me think back to all the things that I just went through. I wanted to heal.

After prison, the simplest things in life are so important---a quiet home cooked meal, a quiet night home watching a movie or a ball game, or just sitting and talking. You learn to appreciate such things as birds chirping or playing with the animals or doing things you would have never done before. After living in a 10 x 8 cell for years, almost any activity is a pleasure.

So, ladies, when your son, husband, or boyfriend comes home, take this advice seriously. Don't put him into awkward situations. I know it might be difficult to understand, but prison is an EXTREMELY adverse emotional experience, so don't push him.

If he does not want to take you somewhere or mothers, if your son just wants to hang around the house, this is normal. In the case of girlfriends or wives, this does not mean he does not love you or does not want to take you places. It only means he just does not want to deal with certain things right now. Give him a break. He just got out of the most horrible, gut wrenching experience he will probably ever see in his life.

It will slowly get better. In fact, I didn't mind going ANYWHERE if it wasn't in my home town where I was convicted. My home town just brought back too many bad memories, so we would do the things we normally did by driving to a bigger town 16 miles away. That worked out great.

Problem solved. Just go out of town to do all your fun things.

See?? There is an answer to most problems if we just look.

rewdiazepam

I find it easier to just sit back and let him throw out the ideas. It helps me learn what his boundaries are. I collect pleasure from the simple things in life anyway. We have a beautiful time anywhere so it's all about the personal time and little moments.

As strange as it may sound to someone who has never been there, I spent a lot of time just opening and closing doors. Being able to have keys, a wallet and all the little things were a joy. I would go into my home's yard and just sit and stare. Oh, and I loved the quiet.

Probation is not a cake wake, it is certainly much better than prison though. His PO will basically be able to control anything that they deem necessary to control. I had several different PO's in my time on probation, most were great but I did have one that was a real jerk. He thought he was doing me a favor trying to be a drill sergeant, once I got a job and completed therapy, the PO basically stopped bugging me.

Polygraphs were one of the worst things about being on probation. Having to pay for them, and having to deal with the polygrapher who is trying to trick you with voodoo science. Also going to the police station to register is my least favorite time of the year, it has ruined my birthday now for years. Police officers look at you like your are sub human, and they are generally jerks about the whole situation.

The key to probation is to not give your PO any thing negative to find, get on the right track before the PO has to even say anything to you about it. Get a job, get through therapy, find stable housing, avoid places you shouldn't be like the plague. I was going to court to pay a parking fine and I was parked across from a school (6 lanes of traffic separated my car and the school) and a cop who was running plates ran mine and it got flagged to my PO. I get a call asking why I was at a school, and I had to explain that I got a ticket and was paying it off and if he didn't believe me go look at the camera feed from the court house.

Probation was not a lot of fun, but at least I wasn't locked up. I could build a work history and do for the most part what I wanted to do. Stay on your PO's good side at all costs!