I will tell you what I learned in prison from talking and living with men who had been clinically classified as pedophiles.

Just as heterosexual men are attracted sexually to women and heterosexual women are attracted to men, pedophiles are attracted to children.

Pedophiles, I believe, are born with an attraction to children. No doubt, most pedophiles are that way from birth and their sexual preferences are hardwired into their psyche; this sexual preference is inherent rather than learned behavior. The pedophiles in prison told me early in life that they knew they were not normal sexually speaking and that they had no feelings or passion toward adults or people their own age.

Now I want to make an important distinction that I learned from these men between a child molester or rapist and a pedophile. A child molester or rapist does not really care if he harms the child in his act of gratification and quest for control. Child molesters and rapists hurt children.

A true pedophile truly loves children and they would never assault a child. They might have a physical relationship with the child, but there is never penetration and in their mind any physical contact--but not penetration-- is permissible if the child consents. Many actually feel as if the children actually enjoy the kissing and petting. I do not agree with that as children are not mature enough to consent or make up their minds about such matters, but I am only telling you what they told me many times.

Many never have a sexual relationship with the child at all, as they are satisfied just to be in the presence of the child. They might go to the park, go to a show, hold hands while watching TV, just as in a normal male/female relationship.

One thing I also noticed about pedophiles is that they are childlike in many ways. For example, I would watch NFL on Sunday afternoons or sports. I celled with a pedophile for about a month at one point, and he like to watch cartoons or Nickelodeon.

Only a small percentage of men who are convicted of sex crimes are pedophiles. I do not know the exact percentage, but it is small.

No, it is very unlikely that your son is a true pedophile and people with child porn convictions are not usually pedophiles.

I am not a psychologist, but this is what came from the horse's mouth as the pedophiles talked about their condition to me when we were both inmates.

rewdiazepam

:) you read my mind when you said no my son was not a pedophile. I was wondering about it, since he was obviously into the child porn. He did have a girlfriend and worked with her and they were together a long time. he was never one to want to be around kids though is why it confuses me. I mean when he was around the kids he enjoyed it but he didn't just hang out with or around kids at all. one time when he use to be married, i asked him when he was gonna give me some grandkids. he said well i gotta grow up myself before i start trying to raise a kid. and he never had kids of his own. so i just don't understand at all. perhaps i never will. thanks for answering.

babybb24, I was trying to find you a good, official, clinical diagnosis to differentiate between rapist, child molester, and pedophile. One of my colleagues at RSOL came up with this, I can't seem to find it laid out exactly what the difference is, but if i find something, I'll post it. Anyway, here's the difference spelled out by a fellow advocate.

" This is my definition, but I assure you that it is accurate. A pedophile is an adult person who has a primary sexual attraction to prepubescent children. It is a medical diagnosis, not a legal term. No one is ever charged with pedophilia. It isn't an act. Many pedophiles have never touched a child inappropriately.

Conversely, not everyone who sexually molests children is a pedophile"

Hope this helps you,

Dave in the Philippines

Hi babybb24, just want to stress the answers I'm giving you should NOT be considered as legal or medical advice, just some thoughts and shared information for you. I also received these definitions:

This is from the Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders:

Pedophilia is also a psychosexual disorder in which the fantasy or actual act of engaging in sexual activity with prepubertal children is the preferred or exclusive means of achieving sexual excitement and gratification. It may be directed toward children of the same sex or children of the other sex. Some pedophiles are attracted to both boys and girls. Some are attracted only to children, while others are attracted to adults as well as to children.
Pedophilia is defined by mental health professionals as a mental disorder, but the American legal system defines acting on a pedophilic urge as a criminal act.
Read more: http://www.minddisorders.com/Ob-Ps/Pedophilia.html#ixzz2e1PE4pNN

From Wikipedia:
As a medical diagnosis, pedophilia or paedophilia is a psychiatric disorder in persons 16 years of age or older typically characterized by a primary or exclusive sexual interest toward prepubescent children (generally age 11 years or younger, though specific diagnostic criteria for the disorder extends the cut-off point for prepubescence to age 13).[1][2][3][4] An adolescent who is 16 years of age or older must be at least five years older than the prepubescent child before the attraction can be diagnosed as pedophilia.

Dave in the Philippines

My son is similar to your son situation he had an addiction to pornography and some of it included child porn but he is not a pedophile

Also being a pedophile does not mean your child molester

I would like to add is that the defintion that I explained is what pedophiles explained to me while in prison.

I talked to thousands of inmates in my tenure in prison and some were pedophiles.

I felt a little sorry for some of them, as they seemed like children trapped in an adult's body. I celled with a few because nobody else wanted them around them and the prison system knew I would not try to harm them. I am not judgmental and as long as they did not start acting goofy and bring their thoughts to me, I did not care.

The one problem I had with them was that most of them who had a physical relationship with the child felt that the child "wanted it" as much as they did. Since we are all adults here, they used a lot of genital-to-genital contact and they felt the child really enjoyed it. I cannot imagine any eight year old child or any man enjoying that---or thinking that a child would enjoy it----but I am not a pedophile either.

rewdiazepam

Yeah, during my tenure in the 'Hotel' as one of my friend calls it, there was a guy who announced his 'love' for the 5 year old he had been caught up with, and had been reportedly seen crying because he 'missed' his relationship with them (can't remember if it was a girl or a boy, had a few other things to worry about at the time). I should be careful what I post here, with people watching this board from a distance, and I'm not sure if it helps our cause or not. Just relaying what I saw and heard.

Got this also babybb24,

"I am not sure of the definition of a pedophile, but I found this rather long article about it.

http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts_molestation.html

You could also check Google Scholar:

http://scholar.google.com/scholar?q=definition+%28pedophile+%7C+pedophilia%29&btnG=&hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C11

You may want to ask eAdvocate, I am sure he probably has it somewhere."

Dave in the Philippines

I have heard that also that a true pedophile loves the children. That is why I have always said that the ones who killed the children are probably not pedophiles they're just murderers

...and, sorry, this may piss some people off, but it's my opinion and I'm entitled to it: but if your son is 18 or 19 and had a girlfriend who was 15, 16 or 17 and she "sexted" him - technically that's child porn. Yeah, it's illegal. But, in my opinion, it doesn't make him a pedophile or a criminal. It makes him a NORMAL MALE for Christ's sake!!!!
To me, criminalizing consensual teenage activities in the same way they criminalize activities that harm little children is despicable, and it is a slap on the face of the true victims who are harmed.
Yes, teens should NOT be sexting. But, that situation needs to be handled separately and it is NOT child porn.

G4 I agree with you. I think it is all horrible but now that i am faced with this situation i am trying to understand it all.
thanks to all of you for answering.

I agree G4, there is a line.... A teen who knows what they are doing is completely different than a child.

I also agree with Rew, not all of those convicted of a sex crime is a pedophile.