Whether you decide to stay with him and stick it out or if you realize that this is something you cannot do, the decision is a personal one and one which only you can make.

I can understand either decision and would not think badly of you since you decided to leave.

But there is one question I have. You said, "My spouse was a watcher not a touched ,but in my heart I don't see much difference;abuse is abuse and not acceptable."

Do you think looking---or watching---is abuse? Do you equate looking at pictures the same as touching?

Take this scenario-----As a child, let's pretend that someone abused you, took the pictures, and put them on the internet. You, of course, are horrified.

If someone then looks at your picture on the internet, you would never know. You would never know if 1,000 people looked at your picture, if 100 people looked, or if even one person looked.

There is nobody to notify you every time that image was viewed.

In fact, you would not know WHO looked at the picture or how many decided to look.

So, since you did not and cannot know, how would that be abuse? How can a person be abused without even knowing it?

How can a child be abused by someone only looking at her picture, if said child has no idea who saw the picture?

rewdiazepam

To put it another way, suppose John Doe saw your image one night on the internet. Is he abusing you when he looked at the picture?

Is a person who downloads your images, abusing you on a personal basis? Could you point your finger at my John Doe and say, "He abused me?"

How could you say he abused you if you had no idea he saw at your image? Victims of abuse know their abuser, but in this situation there is no way you could know his name, so how did he abuse you?

Anyway, something to think about.

Welcome to the board and you will find support here. The ladies are compassionate and they can help guide you through this mess.

rewdiazepam

Welcome! You're feeling betrayed and that's only natural! You're feeling grief too! Whether you stay or go you are still going through it. You know what's best for yourself! Or perhaps the shock and hurt or humiliation is making the decision for you. Either way it's your life and decision!

My situation is different than the others that I have met so far because my son is on the run instead of going to be sentenced. In my mind, I believe it would be so much easier for me and his family if we knew where he was, if he was ok for sure, and be able to talk on the phone, write letters and visit him in prison. His girlfriends mom wouldn't be going through hell of having her only child missing too!

Regardless of each situation here. People are hurting! Lives have been altered, everyone has broken pieces to pick up and to get through. Some cases are charged unjustly, some aren't! Some punishments don't fit the crime because of the way the courts have classified them. To me someone who is with a minor who lied about their age and had consensual sex shouldn't get more than a couple years and they are getting 8 on up. Innocent people are getting charged, guilty people go free, guilty people also get time. People who need help aren't getting the help they need and sometimes there's repeat offenders. I believe the whole judicial system is so messed up regardless of the circumstances. And I believe everyone makes mistakes and deserves another chance!

I believe my son's situation is unfair. He shouldn't mess with girls he thinks are as young as 18. But he's immature for his age so I can see why he ends up with someone younger. On the other hand I try to see the other mothers side of it too. I also was a young girl who was promiscuous and saw older guys. Heck my mom married my dad at 15 and had a kid at 16 and my dad was 12 years older. Im just not one to judge.

You are welcome here regardless of if you decide to stay with him or not. As you have said, you are affected by the aftermath of what he did.

I can tell you that many people don't just decide to look at CP. Usually, it's a porn addiction that has progressed into harder and harder images, and when those no longer give them the same rush as they did before, then they move to CP. They may not think about how those children were not willing participants, or if they were abused. You could say, they lie to themselves to give themselves the ok to view.

Then you are left holding all the pieces of your shattered life. People may look at you thinking you must have known and approved, or you see them looking at you differently.

My husband was a looker, and then progressed to abusing our daughter. I chose to stay, because he admitted his actions and was remorseful. He said he tried many times to stop, but wasn't able to on his own, and wasn't able to ask for help. If it wasn't for the acknowledgement and the remorse and our daughter's support, I too would have left. We were able to get counseling only because daughter was abused, and even then it was a Challange to get all the counseling we needed.

Sorry you are here, but glad you found us.

Thank you all for the kind words. I believe everyone must make the life choices that are best for them.
I don't judge or think poorly of those who make the choice to stay- just not my choice.
Rewdiazepam- I guess I see it as like this, If I saw anyone being abused I would feel compelled to act..
not perpetuate the abuse.
Joslyn2- My goodness, not knowing how your son is or how he is breaks my heart. I pray he's in a safe place.
Thoughtas- I couldn't finish typing your name- no one living this is weak. i sometimes think staying and forgiving is a much harder choice then leaving. You must be a very compassionate women.

A number of years ago my spouse was accused of the same thing-FDLE showed up with a search warrant, tore the house apart and left with every electronic device in our home. They didn't find anything during the search or when the computers were examined.. I believed my spouse when he said he didn't do it. No charges filed,computers were returned and life went on.

A few months ago something happened that made me wonder if in fact he was involved in CP- fast forward
to a few weeks ago-FDLE- search warrants,but this time they did find what they were looking for.
This time he was arrested and charged..and is now awaiting arraignment.
So, here I be picking up the pieces and trying to figure out this new life.
Again, thank you for all the kindness