Families of SOs Community Group
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Hello all
First and foremost I want to thank everyone for their stories on this group forum. It has helped me feel like I am not alone. My story is long and I attempted to write it on this board when I was done and went to submit it, it all got erased (story of my life) so this will be the short version
My son is 20 years old and when he was 15 we had the police come to our door in another state from where we live now. They thought someone had tapped into our IP or internet and was downloading inappropriate pictures. Turns out my son was downloading porn off limewire. The cops interviewed him and told us nothing to worry about they think it was a mistake on his part and there would be no further investigation but they did have to confiscate the computer due to the images. I got it back a couple of years later without the harddrive
Fast forward to October of 2014. My son had moved out when he was 18 because he wanted to move in with his girlfriend and best friend. He was engaged to be married mid november. October cops show up to his door with search warrant and ranshack his apartment. They find child porn on his computer and he spills his guts said he was the only one to access the computer and he downloaded the images. They leave and tell him he will receive a summons to goto court in the mail. Well they didn't summons him they put out a arrest warrant and arrested him. He went through the whole process of arraignment and everything. Worst thing I had to do as a mother was see my son in shackles and an orange jumpsuit. His bond was 250,000 and he was charged with 9 counts. He had to stay in jail for 3 weeks during the holidays to get a bond reduction hearing. We quickly realized a public defender would be a death sentence for him. We hired a lawyer and long story short we ended up doing a plea deal as a youthful offender and the judge sentenced him to 1 year community control and 3 years probation. Which from what I am seeing here is a godsend. He also has to register for life and attend sex therapy(he can petition to get off in 25 years)
Currently he is living with his grandmother. Here is the other kicker my husband his stepfather is in law enforcment and my son couldn't live with us due to my husband possibly losing his job due to image of the department. My son has become very depressed. His fiance has broken up with him but is still talking to him as a friend and it has killed him. He started his sex offender therapy and found out it is in a group setting and his is so angry about it. I think it is embarrassment coming out as anger. I don't think he wants to openly talk about this with other people other than a counselor. I also think he thought he wasn't going to have to do it that long but they told him 3-5 years.
I am not sure why my son did this but I do know that my son has never been in trouble with the law and he has a great heart. He has had struggles in his life with ADHD and had stopped taking his meds when he moved out. I don't know what lead him to do such a thing but my hope and prayer is that it is not as bad as it may seem and he can get the help he needs and move on with his life. Its hard to imagine your son being a monster that everyone wants to portray them as. The stigma is so bad with these types of crimes. I feel so conflicted because I also have a 4 year old daughter( I was a teenage mom and waited to have my second child for a long time).
We are a normal family just like all of you. Typical normal everyday dysfunction but normal middle class law abiding citizens and my son had a good life growing up. Our family has had tragedies happen but nothing like this. I guess nobody thinks this will ever happen to them. My emotions are of course all over the place and I have anxiety like you wouldn't believe. My son when his girlfriend originally broke up with called me hysterically crying and told me he had cut himself. He didnt harm himself but we got him into a psychiatrist and she prescribed him some wellbutrin for his adhd and his depression. I hope that helps him. He has only been on it for about 2 weeks it takes 4-6 weeks to kick in.
Well that is a shorter version of what I typed before but I think you can all relate to everything I am going through without me saying it. My prayers are with all of you and your loved ones and I pray that we will all find peace and happiness again one day. One day at at time.
One question his probation is only 4 years long total. Can they make you goto therapy even after your done with your probation sentence?
First and foremost I want to thank everyone for their stories on this group forum. It has helped me feel like I am not alone. My story is long and I attempted to write it on this board when I was done and went to submit it, it all got erased (story of my life) so this will be the short version
My son is 20 years old and when he was 15 we had the police come to our door in another state from where we live now. They thought someone had tapped into our IP or internet and was downloading inappropriate pictures. Turns out my son was downloading porn off limewire. The cops interviewed him and told us nothing to worry about they think it was a mistake on his part and there would be no further investigation but they did have to confiscate the computer due to the images. I got it back a couple of years later without the harddrive
Fast forward to October of 2014. My son had moved out when he was 18 because he wanted to move in with his girlfriend and best friend. He was engaged to be married mid november. October cops show up to his door with search warrant and ranshack his apartment. They find child porn on his computer and he spills his guts said he was the only one to access the computer and he downloaded the images. They leave and tell him he will receive a summons to goto court in the mail. Well they didn't summons him they put out a arrest warrant and arrested him. He went through the whole process of arraignment and everything. Worst thing I had to do as a mother was see my son in shackles and an orange jumpsuit. His bond was 250,000 and he was charged with 9 counts. He had to stay in jail for 3 weeks during the holidays to get a bond reduction hearing. We quickly realized a public defender would be a death sentence for him. We hired a lawyer and long story short we ended up doing a plea deal as a youthful offender and the judge sentenced him to 1 year community control and 3 years probation. Which from what I am seeing here is a godsend. He also has to register for life and attend sex therapy(he can petition to get off in 25 years)
Currently he is living with his grandmother. Here is the other kicker my husband his stepfather is in law enforcment and my son couldn't live with us due to my husband possibly losing his job due to image of the department. My son has become very depressed. His fiance has broken up with him but is still talking to him as a friend and it has killed him. He started his sex offender therapy and found out it is in a group setting and his is so angry about it. I think it is embarrassment coming out as anger. I don't think he wants to openly talk about this with other people other than a counselor. I also think he thought he wasn't going to have to do it that long but they told him 3-5 years.
I am not sure why my son did this but I do know that my son has never been in trouble with the law and he has a great heart. He has had struggles in his life with ADHD and had stopped taking his meds when he moved out. I don't know what lead him to do such a thing but my hope and prayer is that it is not as bad as it may seem and he can get the help he needs and move on with his life. Its hard to imagine your son being a monster that everyone wants to portray them as. The stigma is so bad with these types of crimes. I feel so conflicted because I also have a 4 year old daughter( I was a teenage mom and waited to have my second child for a long time).
We are a normal family just like all of you. Typical normal everyday dysfunction but normal middle class law abiding citizens and my son had a good life growing up. Our family has had tragedies happen but nothing like this. I guess nobody thinks this will ever happen to them. My emotions are of course all over the place and I have anxiety like you wouldn't believe. My son when his girlfriend originally broke up with called me hysterically crying and told me he had cut himself. He didnt harm himself but we got him into a psychiatrist and she prescribed him some wellbutrin for his adhd and his depression. I hope that helps him. He has only been on it for about 2 weeks it takes 4-6 weeks to kick in.
Well that is a shorter version of what I typed before but I think you can all relate to everything I am going through without me saying it. My prayers are with all of you and your loved ones and I pray that we will all find peace and happiness again one day. One day at at time.
One question his probation is only 4 years long total. Can they make you goto therapy even after your done with your probation sentence?
You asked, "One question his probation is only 4 years long total. Can they make you goto therapy even after your done with your probation sentence?"
No.
His sentence is over and he is no longer under the custody of the state of Florida when he finishes his four years probation. At that point he has finished his obligation to the state and they no longer have custody of him, so they cannot force him to take any more therapy of any kind.
The only thing he has to worry about at that point is the sex offender registry and all its ramification's.
rewdiazepam
What I am hearing from you though is the conflicted feelings of the conditioned responses we all have had to deal with. Remember before all of this when you heard about these kinds of crimes and thought "ugh, another molester waiting to happen." That drop and pit in your stomach that you feel as you think that, remember your son is now in that category and then the guilt that washes over you afterwards when you realize that you were just a sheep in a flock of misinformed folk for so long.... And now you know what all that hype is really all about. We all know that... We have all had that... You will not feel that way for ever.
In fact what will happen is that when you are reading about or hearing about someone that really sounds like a HORRIBLE person, you'll be questioning how much of the story is skewed, true or what not. Trying to remember that there are some really bad people out there but that the vast majority are getting swept up. Then you struggle with keeping that open mind all the time and then feeling guilty for not being part of the lynch mob that everyone around you seems to belong to... It is a conundrum!
The other director of Wisconsin RSOL was a very angry young man when he came out of prison and on to supervision, he had GPS for life retroactively put on his ankle. He was ANGRY, fought his PO every inch of the way, she tightened the screws to him in a way I have never seen... he almost went back to prison... he is now 7 months away from discharge from supervision and not nearly so angry. There were several things that helped. First he decided that he was going to play the game, even if he hated it he had to play the game. He felt like it was conceding to the enemy, but his mother and I kept telling him that it isn't, it is picking his battles. He shot himself in the foot a few times before this way of thinking caught on with him. Then his PO got changed and he started to move forward. Sometimes there are personality conflict type of issues that no PO or offender can overcome. Neither are equipped to deal with it effectively. If you realize your son is in that kind of situation, talk to him, he is the ONLY person that can initiate that kind of thing other than the supervisor in that office. The big thing that I think helped him after the PO change was starting his own business. I am forever amazed by the progress that guy has made in the last 5 years, from the angry man that was released from prison to the activist and business man he is today.
Your son is going to struggle. You are going to struggle too.... Both of you hang in there... It will get better or at the very least more tolerable.
My son accidentally downloaded cp but he's now a registered sex offender.
The sex police are out in force and our youth is paying the price for being curious or careless. Don't be hard on your son, his life is going to be tough enough. I'm sure every one of us has done something that we shouldn't have but the punishment for this type of 'crime' is way out there.
My son has 15 years probation. We're hoping to get that cut back. He's also taking Mental Health treatment instead of SO treatment. His therapist said it was supposed to be over in January but here we are and he's still going. Our attorney is stepping in to take care of that as well. Both his PO and therapist told us months ago that treatment would end, but seems they've changed their minds.
It's always good to have an attorney on retainer. It helps keep the PO and everyone else more honest, if that's at all possible.
Society will treat him as a monster, but we all know differently. Your son is a good kid, who made poor choices. It doesn't mean he will turn around and abuse a child, or that he can't be helped.
Welcome to the group.
It is mindblowing to see your son in orange and shackles. We see this on TV. This does not happen to us......wrong. it does.
First of all he is not a monster. He made a mistake. My favorite quote is "one day does not define a man".
We will never know what caused our loved ones to cross the "line". It is mind boggling that a good person can do a bad thing.
We all search for answers. We all want everything in place. Sometimes we want to make excuses or throw blame on others.
What it comes down to is life. Full of choices. Full of decisions not so good.
But do not ever doubt yourself or your love for those who made a mistake. Our love and compassion is needed.
I too found it difficult to see him in chains and an orange jumpsuit. I remember sitting in that courtroom for his sentencing listening to the DA read some of the things that were found on his computer and thinking to myself, I gave birth to a monster. I had to remind myself that this is an illness. This is an illness, and no matter what, he is my son, I will always love and support him. You will all get through this. We are here to give you help, advice, and support.