Families of SOs Community Group
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I am new to the group and to be honest a complete hot ass mess! On December 22, 2014 homeland security served a search warrant on my house and arrested my 18 year old son. He has been in federal custody ever since and now six weeks of being detained they just charged him. I have know idea what to do for him other than tell him that I love him and that I'm going to be here for him no matter what. I also don't know how to tell my family and friends why my son is currently in a federal prison. I did just have my doctor put me on medication but any advice would be great because I really don't know how to handle this situation.
You will go through many emotions. Mad, sad, depressed, etc...
It is almost as if you are dealing with a death, but you are not. The emotions you go through will be equivelant though.
The love you have for your son will always be there. We as mothers love our children unconditionally. This is what we do and who we are.
As for your family and friends and what to tell them.....you know them better than us. I wanted to tell everyone. The more i talked about it the better it helped me. But then i have those who tell me that i need to keep quiet about it.
It is as like many years ago when the family kept secret of mental illness and such. But really????? I think it is better to talk. It is better to not keep it bottled up.
You will find there will be those who support you and those who do not. You may be surprised. You think you may know someone better than you think. And then they will go against you.
So you can pick and chose who you tell. This is the telling point. You will find out who are your true friends and family.
Do not ever second guess yourself! You love your son but you do not have to like what he did.
All the things and advice people give you here is spot on - the only thing I would add that to help you and your son educate yourself. Unfortunately it may not make a lot of difference in the outcome but knowledge is power.
Not only should you educate yourself about the true nature of Sex offenses and the statistics surrounding them but the legal aspects as well. Educate yourself by learning as much as you can about your sons case and the methods they used to get the warrant - one little hiccup in there methods could mean the difference between a life of hell or eventual exoneration. Even something you do not see now or does not help him now may be important down the road. My other advice to you would be to do some research into the pre-frontal cortex of the brain and the research and information out there about it. Our own government supports these findings but does not apply or alter the laws to reflect it. If you want any other information about where to start feel free to PM me anytime.
Free - I have always had a suspicion that they tried to get the feds involved in my sons case and for some reason they turned the state down. I think that becasue there is this strange 7 month period between when they had their evidence and when they served the warrant. I have always thought that if that was the truth it would have been becasue the feds saw something in the case that made them think it was not prosecutable. I tried to get the lawyer to find out but he turned into a wimp and let the prosecutors intimidate him (he said he knew about RSO cases but I have no doubt now that he lied) - In fact, about 1 year after my sons case he changed his criminal practice into a bankruptcy practice -
Come here as often as you need. We are a wonderful group, and again, welcome.
Get the best criminal defense lawyer you can afford. Get your own forensics. (I've done forensic searches -but not for CP). Nakohichi is 100% correct and she is a great resource.
I can tell you from my experience that it is almost like a death. My attorney even said that to me. Keep on supporting your son.
In regards to how to live life:
1) Take care of yourself first. You cannot do anything for others if you put yourself last.
2) Keep the list of people that know your situation very short.
3) get a therapist if you can afford one. it helps with the pain and suffering.
4) keep coming back to this group
5) live one day at a time. do not project the future. you can only handle today.
6) support your son. Keep in contact with him.
7) be aware that your life (and your son's) will be different from now on, but do not let that define either of you.
I don't understand how your son is a flight risk.
My parents supported me throughout my situation. I found out who my real friends were and who weren't. Sadly, I have few old friends left. I have new friends and associates. The only "old" friends that care are almost all former military (my dad's friends and associates that knew me). The people that I worked with (and many times supervised) have not spoken to me in 10+ years.
Today I am far wiser than I was when my mess started. I would not be alive if it wasn't for my parents. Their support in the face of adversity has been heroic in my opinion. I have learned to live again, and while I do miss what I used to do for a living, I do not regret that it is gone.
Please keep coming back.