Keep on taking it one day at a time. That is hardest part! If you look too far into the future-- just don't do that :-( I felt like the world would collapse on me when I tried to look at what the future holds. You have the strength to face today. Do what you can today for yourself, for your son and daughter and try not to worry about tomorrow.

"...do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Ty

The emptiness----and pure helplessness----that a very young inmate feels during a visit from someone he loves when he realizes that the mom or wife will go home without him and he must go back in "there" alone is an overwhelming feeling.

The feeling does not really sink in to make us realize "this is real" until the mother sees her son in the jail jumpsuit and the inmate looks at his mother.

I saw this many times when I was in prison and when I talked to the younger inmates. I understood the mindset of all inmates, even the younger ones as I had a lot of personal contact with them while I worked in the education department and the law library.

I think that both of you are a little confused, perhaps feeling a bit hopeless---certainly helpless----after being hit broadside by this situation.

This is certainly enough for even the strongest to search their soul, and it is doubly hard when an very young inmate and a mother is involved.

This frustration on his part is a normal period a person goes through when he is first locked up. He will be OK.

Try step back and take a couple of deep breaths. Take all this in perspective and know that your son will be OK in there. Prison or jail is not fun, but it is survivable. He will have some very rough days and there is not much that can be done about it.

Both of you would be better served if you tried to stay busy.

Do you have someone who you trust to talk about this in person? Perhaps you need to take a day off---just for you and the daughter---to do something you both enjoy.

I do know this----living with this nightmare on a 24/7 basis---without interruption----is a pressure cooker that will finally consume your body and spirit IF you don't take small periods of time off periodically to rejuvenate your body. We are not Superman and none of us are invulnerable to these emotions. Consider going shopping for half a day or just getting away to get some rest from this.

If it gets to the point that you feel you are being overwhelmed, get to your family physician. There are a lot of meds that can help you get through the tough times. When you feel much, much better, you can consider getting off them.

Many times it helps to write your thoughts daily in a journal. Writing allows us to express ourselves and relieves the pressure. Writing him on a regular basis will help you both.

You WILL get through this, Mom. Human beings are very resilient creatures and we can learn to adapt to most anything. YOU ARE MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU THINK.

There are people on the board here, who, at one time were a complete wreck. I and other helped them, and with time and support, they felt better. And guess what? Some of those same people are now strong enough to support others. They have become the one giving out advice.

And lastly, you can come here and talk or send a PM to others. DO NOT be afraid to reach out. DO NOT isolate yourself.

I am not as good at the spiritual and emotional support as these fine ladies, so I will defer to them.

God bless you both,

rewdiazepam

I'm so sorry for your pain not long ago I was in your position. I couldn't sleep and cried all the time. The visits were hard and would cry after I left. I know he did also. My son was sent home the day of his sentencing. All he wanted from the jail was the letters and cards I sent him, that was what got him thru each day . They were just day to day stuff when I couldn't write I would send cards. Take care of yourself because your daughter needs you., if I can help you please let me know

Like Independent said, just take things one day at a time....

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I did 12 years in prison and agree with Rew that this, though very painful, is normal. The trick is to keep busy. It sounds like your son needs to get a detail (job) while he is there if he doesn't already. Time is easier to do when you keep busy.

I will pray for you.

I became very good at darts and pool when I was waiting for the DA to decide my fate and the years I was on probation. Obviously that may not be the best thing to do for everyone but I completely agree to keep busy. Find something that you and your daughter can do together. A sport, working out, seeing so many movies on Netflix and Hulu and at the theater you become amature movie critics, a book club, martial arts, hiking, it doesn't really matter as long as it's something that can help you take the focus off your son. It will eventually get a little easier.

Unfortunately he can't get a job in the jail he's at right now because of his age.. He does participate a little bit in a bible study group.. I do try myself to keep busy for me and my daughter.. We try do normal type things we would normally do.. At times it helps.. Sometimes it hurts more cause he's not there too.. I know for all 3 of us it gets so overwhelming because besides going through this situation we are also going through some other things as well.. Such as my daughters being bullied and me losing my job... Its just a lot at once.. Ty all for being here..

@momfrommo: Bible Study is one of the best things your son can do. I also took an anger management class (ended up doing 3 sessions). I had Thursday night Bible Study and an early Saturday morning Bible Study. I was not working either, but finding something to break up the day was worth everything.

Sorry about losing your job and the bullying your daughter is going through. This is hard on everyone, but in different ways. Visitation days are very emotional experiences. My dad wrote me constantly, I called my mom almost every day (it's what she wanted). I realize that it is hard for the two of you to do things because your son is absent. Just keep at it.

I am so sorry that you are going through this, just remember we are here for you. You will all get through this.