She is not angry with you, but rather stressed and angry at her situation.

I call this the "kick the dog" syndrome, in which an inmate takes all his fears and frustrations out on the only people willing to listen----his or her family. The inmate cannot talk about it with another inmate as that would show weakness, which is never beneficial in prison.

Instead, she uses you for her sounding board.

It is much like the person who has had a hard day at work and then gets a speeding ticket on the way home. Once home, he or she takes all this out on the poor dog by screaming at him for no reason.

She may be mad at the "system" or even at herself.

Try not to take it personally, although I know it is difficult at times.

rewdiazepam

I agree with Rew, also she may see her children as her the only thing she has control over right now. Mothers always need to have the last word with what happens to their kids.

Perhaps if you tell her this is the way things need to be for right now, and as soon as she gets her situation straightened out she can take over, Maybe the feeling the situation is temporary, whether it is or not, will give her a sense that all is not lost.

She may not say so, but I'm pretty sure she knows how things are looking for her, is scared, and may be grasping at straws to bring back her sense of normal.

Her anger may continue, but you need to do what you have to for the children and the daughter caring for them. The sister has taken on a sincere and monumental task, and needs all the support she can get. Unfortunately, you are caught in the middle.

I agree with everyone with everyone. My son is not angry but rather depressed to the point of immobilization and it is frustrating too. He is currently under house arrest but there is much he can still be doing to help his situation but instead does nothing b/c of the depression.

If your daughter truly is addicted then you need to take that into account. Addicts can barely take care of themselves much less others. Your older daughter should be supported every way possible. Your AD will come around one day and see how lucky she is to have you both. Good luck and God bless you. x

Oh mine goes through that regularly. Some weeks he is just fine. Then BAM, anything I say is wrong. I mentioned on here awhile ago the week of the anniversary of his arrest, and his birthday that week too. He was AWFUL...

Yes, I knew it wasn't really me he was mad at, he even said that it wasn't, but anything I said he took wrong. He didn't want me to come to the visit on his birthday, wanted to not talk much except to check in and say hi, and see if anything was going on here. Then I go pick up my granddaughter who he had said he didn't want to see, and next thing you know, I am about to get my hair cut, I was at the salon and he calls and says, cut your hair another day, I don't want to be alone. He has been better since then.

Yes, they are kicking themselves for being there. Yes, they are having a hard time and can't say anything there, can't act cranky to guards or inmates or there would be bad consequences, so they do it to us.

Yes, they are miserable and even lonesome.. so instead of saying that, they just get awful. But from what I have noticed, WE can't have a bad day, and express it to them. They don't want to hear it. They don't feel sympathy for anything we do. In actuality that makes them feel bad too, that they can't be here to help us get through the things that are getting to us.

Mine misses summer and all we used to do. Mine kicks himself for being there when the car breaks down and I have to pay someone to fix it when he could. Mine spazzes when something in the house breaks, that he could fix instantly, and I have to beg and plead to get any help from anyone here at all.

It's all just part of this whole rotten experience.

As far as how she is trying to tell you how to raise her kids, that is her feeling loss of control of them. She should of known better, but that's water under the bridge now. Really her anger is just at herself.

Can you imagine waking up in a place like that, day after day after day? With people you wouldn't ever maybe talk to otherwise. Having to deal with all kinds of personalities and also guards who treat you like crap, and tell you when you can do everything including maybe even when you can poop. I would not be a happy camper either.

Mine won't even go out to the " exercise" area. He says, WHY?? You just either walk around in a circle, like a caged animal, or sit on a bench watching the world drive past you, and you can't be out there doing what everyone else is doing.
His place is on a main road. Cars go past it close, they can see life going on without them. He see's guys pulling boats. He loves to fish and can't. He is miserable seeing what he could be doing but messed up.

I just got back from a visit. We had a great time til he asked about something I hadn't want to tell him. Figured, he didn't ask, I didn't need to tell, since he would just get cranky again. Sure enough, he got pissy, then just sat there and stared. Said he wasn't mad. I said, Well, I am not sitting here waiting for it to storm and have to drive in it if you are going to just not say anything, and ruin a good visit. So I left. Called twice on the way home to discuss this thing MORE... I got pissy back at him. It's about a car we have that konked out before he got arrested. He never fixed it, now the city has bugged me constantly. Told me to get the license current. So I did. Told me to move it to my property, not the empty lot like everyone else parks on, so I did. I know that jerk neighbor called cops on me about it. So I moved it. Then they said put a tarp on it, so I did. Not good enough. Gave me a $100 citation and a court date. If I win, I think I don't pay that. So now he is all pissy and says get rid of it. I REFUSE... the damn car is still worth almost 2 grand. So tomorrow I search for the stupid car cover we have somewhere or buy a new one. And call the city and say now that it is covered like the last thing the cop told me, is this enough, or are ya still going to keep harassing me. I checked into junking it, which is stupid, and the place would give me $150, but I had to pay $125 or more to tow it, so I refused.

So he is all bossy and cranky again. So I let him have it big time. I said this is kinda your fault. Damn thing died in Dec. Yes it was cold then. But you were not arrested til July, so if you hadn't went off drinking etc., it would be done and I wouldn't have had to deal with this so shut up.

Sometimes I just take his cranky crap, but NOT TODAY. They do not realize what WE go through as they sit there with no responsibilities at all. I do not feel sorry for him being agitated today. ??? HELL NO

He asked why I hadn't told him. I said for exactly this reason. I have to deal with it anyway. Don't need to deal with you too. And you just went through that crabby ass time sulking and being awful around your birthday and anniversary of the arrest. Who wanted to rile you up again now that you have been nice?

I barely hugged and kissed him good bye. Then when he called, he said I am going to go. I said Good, cuz I don't want to listen anymore tonight about this, and don't want to keep hearing about it tomorrow either.

So I talked back to the crab. Sometimes we can brush it off and say it's where they are and not us. Sometimes if they treat us like crap, we should TELL THEM. He KNOWS he will be getting a letter tonight. Not a good one if he keeps it up. I will write it and wait to see how he acts tomorrow. He may or may not get it depending on how he acts. I am handling everything while his stupid ass sits in prison again. So he better start realizing if that's possible what I go through and not just think about him.

Right now I am looking for a new place to move to, dealing with the car crap, dealing with an awful boss, and I sure don't need this. Just think what he would of been like if I told him I had my license suspended and had to put out 400 bucks to clear it up and get it back, and now have to pay 100 a month for 42 months. When he asks how much money is in the bank, I just add 400 to what I really have. At least I can do that now. He don't have to know anything... it's all on me, so he can be quiet.

Kick the dog syndrome nice to know there is a word for it. My family member has been calling me non-stop. I had only communicated via letters up until this point. It is so draining. They ask how I am doing then talk about their case. There is a lot of pressure to get them out. W are doing our best. I almost wish we could talk through letters only. Their parents have abandoned them And the stress of caring about them has fallen on the few of us who are supporting them. Its so depressing when you see how this could have all been avoided. I'm not sure how to handle the phone calls. I still have things in my life that I need to take care of for myself otherwise I'm no use to anyone else.