Some people deal with things differently. I know that my husband's mother cries about it way more than I do. In fact when we dropped him off at the prison, I almost got upset because she wouldn't stop crying. But it's not that she misses him more. And I'm sure she thought I was cold hearted at the time. But I'm just the type to have a strong face in public. In my mind there is nothing I can do to change the situation so I'm not putting all of my life on hold till he gets home. I'm working on bettering myself and working on getting into grad school so when he comes home, it'll be to a wife with a Masters degree.

But I understand where you are coming from. Those first few weeks, I couldn't understand how life could go on. I would see everyone (even myself) living life just like we did before and I was appalled our life didn't come to a halt like his did. Truth was it did. But what ended was that one chapter of our life. We've just opened up the new one. And that one will end when he comes home and another one will begin.

I hope it get's a little easier, or at least easier to handle for you. There are a ton of people here to help you. If you need anything, just ask and I'm sure someone here will have some great advice.

I know where you are coming from. When all this went down with me and my fiance about a year ago, I was the one who bailed him out. I was the one who hired the attorney and did all the research. When it was time for him to go into jail, I am the one visiting three times a week, waiting for hours on end. His family never calls to see how he is doing, so I am the one filling them in. I dropped off his truck at his brother's, and I was hoping he could wash it. He has been too busy, he said...really? I dropped off something at his parents' house, and the two cards they had bought for them a month ago are still sitting there on the table. Nothing has even been written in them yet. I write him every day. At first, it made me upset since he is so close to his family, but then I realized they do love him with all of their heart, but they are the type of people who think if you just ignore the problem, it does not exist. They put money on his books (I actually asked them to), and they both cried when they received his first letter. So, they DO care, but in a whole different way that I do. They seem like their lives go on as if nothing had happened, but deep down, they suffer the same.

After I had been to prison only a couple of days, I made friends with an older convict in there for murdering his wife.

The first thing he told me was, "you will find out who your friends are."

Inmates go to prison and it is so easy to forget them. I guess it is an "out of sight, out of mind" situation.

This is just human nature playing out at its worst.

But you have each other and that is worth more than all the fair weathered friends in the world.

Keep the faith,

rewdiazepam

I'm still doing everything for him. I buy his books. I do the research for things he doesn't understand. I get connections with those that can answer his questions. I have a lot of his stuff at my house because his parents wanted to throw it away. He's a tech geek and likes to keep old computers and stuff to play around with. His parents took over a week to set up the phone to their house on the inmate line so he could call. I gave him his commissary $$...I told them how much he had and they didn't even offer to help pay for some that I had to dish out for him. the initial order is always more expensive than others. I know the crying doesn't help but it helps me get through it... Telling him how sad I am is probably not helping. I'm going to try to make steps in my letters to make it sound less depressing. Its not that I'm thinking of myself and how I feel. I am sad about how he feels and what he is going through. I am sad that he has to go through this and I can't do anything to help except accept his calls and send him letters. I'm on my 4th letter since he went in last week. His family loves and cares about him deeply but I just feel like they don't seem to care that he is missing and can't be here. I am his best friend/lover/girlfriend. Always its me that is there for him... His parents help a little but none of his friends try to connect with him or help him. none. Its a huge burden for a single mother of three. I do it because I love him. no matter how long this takes yes..we will get through it.. but its hard and sad and i just need to hear his voice and have no patience whatsoever.... I'm always the one to do things for him. its a big burden for anyone else...

I don't understand it either Bs family seem fine I asked his brother does he miss him and he said yea but you get used to it! How can you get used to missing someone? I miss B more and more each day I don't see how it can get easier and I don't see how they can't be hurting! I'm the one that puts money in I'm the one that pays for the visits I'm the one that writes to him I'm the one that drops everything for him but yet somehow his family thinks it's ok they have never offered to put money in his account never offered to help pay for petrol so I can take them to the visit as we'll same as all his "mates" only reason they come is because I offer every week except when I'm being selfish (which I think I deserve those weekends!) but I don't think B sees all of this and I'm scared to tell him because I don't want his family to be angry at me for "dobbing" I even pay for there food before and during the visits! I'm 20 on min wage and I'm expected to do all this for his family! For him I'll do anythig for but in sick of his family they don't act like they even care to me!

Maybe your mans family are fine with the fact that he has gone because you have to remember they weren't next to him everynight and they have a "family bond" where we have grown to love these people!

I'm one of those people that feels it's easier the longer they're gone. I can't explain it. It's like going on a road trip alone. you pass by the markers that tell you how much farther you are (or closer, depending how you see it), and you just keep plugging alone, dealing with yourself, watching the gas gauge. You know you're getting through it and you know you're that much closer to your final destination. I think about him every day but I know the only way I'm going to make it to the end is to take care of myself and my world out here, otherwise things will be that much worse and harder when he's out.

I've been crying for days. I don't know how all of you do it. I cry all day and all night. I have had to muffle my crying so my boyfriend's parents don't hear me. I am moving into my new apartment in a day or two so I won't have to then. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and now I haven't heard from him since sunday and I'm freaking out... I called and they are not on lockdown and he has not been sent to the other facility as far as the website shows. I'm thinking of calling later to ask if he has been moved or not... I've been writing him. I even apologizedc in one letter and asked him to please call me. this hurts so bad.. I can't go weeks with out hearing from him. that is just cruel.

My son has been in prison for almost 5yrs now, in 29 days he will be free...this group....specifically Rew has been a saving grace for me....here is my take on what you are feeling , I don't mean to be rude but....it's not always about YOU...in a short paragraph...the words " ME and I" are used 9 times !! I give this advice with all the love in the world as I tend to be a narcissist myself at times but try looking outside of how YOU feel....you don't notice others pain as you are too focused on yourself...everyone hurts in different ways so don't just assume they are not hurting as much, or more than yourself.
I have had to "pretend" everything is ok ...at work....at home..in the privacy of my alone days I hang out here....weep..get angry...then by the time my husband gets home or when I have to go to one of my two jobs ...I put on my "pretend" ok face again......peace.....

I honestly thing it is a coping skill. I suppose it is easier for them to just keep there feelings to themselves. I suppose they don't post things because they are ashamed like it is a dirty little secret. Or perhaps they feel they made there bed so they have to lie in it . I have no idea but I know that I am devastated my boyfriend is not getting out till 05222017 and honestly it is so hard not knowing who I can talk to who will not judge me for loving someone in prison. If your loved one goes a way to the military it is all wonderful and great. But God forbid they serve time in prison. Hang in there and just continue to hold your head up and let him know how much your love him. We can't worry about anyone else but ourselves.

Miss Morton,

Are you more upset and emotional because HE went to prison or is it because You are having to deal with it?? In other words, are you upset because you cannot cope with it on a personal basis or because you feel so badly for HIM.

I have been to prison. Your bf is a big boy. He is young and does not have a very long sentence in comparison to some of the other inmates who have family members here. He is strong and can take care of himself. He will not bet raped or beaten up in there, at least not where he is at.

I don't want to sound mean, but perhaps it is time to put on your big girl panties and make up your mind you will deal with this with courage and patience.

If you continue to fall apart, your bf will shy away from you. Nobody wants a woman who cannot handle adversity.

Everyone handles these situations differently. But he was in the county for several months and you two have not seen each other for several months.

I don't quite understand why you are so emotional, given the fact that he is in for such a short time. There are posters here that have a loved one in prison who will be there for many years.

This is not the end of the world. He will be home and you two can plan the entire rest of your lives together. But if you have a nervous breakdown, that might not be happen.

Be strong for him and for your CHILDREN. Those precious children do not need a mommy that is so upset all the time. They don't deserve that either.

Learn to take control of the situation instead of allowing the situation to control you. You can do this. You are an intelligent lady.

Bite the bullet and say, "By God, I AM going to get through this."

I hope you are not offended or mad at me, but sometimes support is telling people things that they do not want to hear.

rewdiazepam

Thank you for the question C and all the answered everyone. I was feeling the same way and I appreciate the advice and opinions given in the answers. And BY GOD, I WILL GET THROUGH THIS, (Rew) :) And so will my son. God Bless everyone here and your loved ones in prison.

Miss Morton,

You just have to meet this head on and face this situation.

What other choice do you realistically have? If you stress too much he will be coming home in "x" amount of time. I you learn to be calm, he will be home in the same "x" amount of time.

I KNOW this is difficult, but just make your mind up that you refuse to allow this thing to defeat you. The system has already taken some toll on both you and your guy, so don't allow it to take even more emotional toll.

You just have to find a way to get through this.

Be strong.

rewdiazepam

I know exactly how you are feeling. I often look at the world around me and think "how is it that everyone's life is just going on"...well the world doesn't stop for my broken heart". Everyone deals with things in a different way, I live with my husbands mother and I know she hurts to, she loves her son, it has just been a different kind of sadness for both of us. She grieves for him in private, me, it does not seem to matter where I am at or who I am around, when one of those moments hits me, it just happens. Hang in there, you will get through this and you will both be stronger once he reaches the other side of the fence.