Hello, GMG. Welcome to DS. Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here. This particular forum is slow moving, but DS is a BIG site with allot of other, more active forums to provide emotional support for life's ordeals. I hope you will take the time to surf around a bit and see what other forums might offer the support you need for your recovery.

Don't accuse me of experting, but based on my strictly personal experience of being raised by a bi-sexual pedophiliac, I earnestly believe pedophilia is far, far from a personal lifestyle choice. I don't believe my father, nor the sibs who followed in his footsteps *chose* pedophilia any more than they *chose* their skin colors. ^It^ is a devastating illness, not a casual lifestyle choice. For the sake of my own recovery, I ply the 12 step slogan, "The 3 C's." I didn't Cause ^it^. I can't Control ^it^. I can't Cure it.

Why do they do ^it^? Beyond the 3 C's, I work to let the mystery be. Easier said than done, but the why of ^it^ is not mine to sort. Mine to sort are the scars and shame *I* carry because of *their* illness. That is more than enough to keep me busy for several lifetimes.

For what it's worth
Alanon has been the lifeline of my recovery. There I have found plenty of practice and support in finding the words for ^it^ and pragmatic suggestions for recovery. The anonymous, non-judgmental format helped ease my shame enough for easier conversation. Still not easy, but easier.

Gentle empathy, GMG. It is a rough row to hoe.

FYI there is a Families of SOs board on here and also a more active board at support-for-families.boards.net that addresses specifically sex offender issues. Plenty of people whose loved ones have been convicted of CP. Online pornography is very addictive, I recommend the book Your Brain on Porn which helped me understand a bit. HTH

Sad. I feel for you. Just be honest to family and friends. Tell them the truth. If he has physically done something to a child/children everyone he knows needs to be aware.
If he has physically done something.... imagine how their life is ruined.
Cut this sicko out of your life, unless he actively takes part in counselling forever addressing his sick issues. Also.... he needs to dedicate his life to helping his victims.

They never stop doing it. Ever.

Please remember, this is his mom. She seems quite aware and ashamed of what he has done already, no need to add to it. She may be the only person he has left to support him. He doesn't seem like he will be an imminent risk to anyone as he will be incarcerated. She reached out for support, not more shame. Sorry, gmg.

Im offering her support in how to help herself and help others around her for when he comes out of incarceration.

He will be the exact same person, possibly worse when he is released, who knows.

Sex offenders, peodophiles, child porn watchers - they rarely change. She needs to be aware of this.

Its exactly what i would do if it was my son.

I personally would actively help the victims and try my best to take away their shame. It is not their fault. Not once did she mention anything about the victim. Very relevant to her situation. It may help her to help them. Who knows.

She doesnt need to and shouldnt need to provide him anything in life if thats her choice. He is an adult and we are allowed to cut people from our lives if we choose.

That is all.

arfie - My personal experience has been that it is rare to find someone who is able to show compassion for the family and the loved one who is away from us. Other approaches are more often what you encounter with all crimes but I think we are here to be different and just show the care. That is all. While my loved one has not done this, he and I have felt plenty of judgement. I withhold that from other people. I don't know them. They have already been judged and are paying.

Hi , I 'm new to the group and i know this is 8 months later. I hope that you have been able to communicate with your son and he is alright. You are his mother- a mother's love is unconditional just like our God's love for us. No matter what our children does we will love them. I don't know where you are mentally 8 months later, however God ask that we must forgive as he has forgiven us. You may be the only person he has to love him. I know what he did was wrong but we still must forgive and God will work everything out. I'm praying for you and your family. As far as telling family and friends, each will be judgmental in their own way. With all the pain you're going through , you don't need that unnecessary additional pain. Keep the faith and keep praying that God release your child from his illness. Be blessed.

This is why our world is in ruins. Advising people to keep everything secret!

Yet secrets are what keeps pedophilia thriving!

Just be open and honest about every thing! In every aspect of life.

We need open normal conversations about peodophiles so children can grow up knowing it is wrong. Knowing they can talk to everyone about anything.

This board is for support for Families of Prisoners.... It's where loved ones come to lean on one another

There are other boards that may be more appropriate for that discussion TraLaw