Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Over the past several months I have noticed wives, mothers, girlfriends, and family members of inmates be concerned---sometimes even frantic----when they have not heard from their loved one in a certain length of time.
To comfort these ladies, I would like to explain a few things about prison.
Prison is actually a fairly controlled environment. An inmate cannot get into a fatal car accident because there are no cars in prison. An inmate cannot get murdered in prison because there are no guns. It is also difficult for an inmate to suffer from a communicable disease, as he has very little contact with the outside world; inmates are more or less quarantined in the area---within the prison itself. A lot of bad things that can happen to us out here cannot happen in prison because of its environmental makeup.
True, people get stabbed in prison, but it is not too common. I saw a few stabbings at the medium I was at, but zero stabbings at the minimum. Nothing much happens at a minimum security facility and I noticed many of your sons, husbands or boyfriends are at a minimum security facility prison.
People also get beaten up in prison, but even then, an inmate is usually doing something foolish to get beaten up. Most of your beat downs are drug deals gone wrong, inmates being snitches, or people with sex charges who do not know how to carry themselves. Getting into debt and not being able to pay is also a major cause of beat downs. All this is preventable.
Inmates just do not come up to another inmate and attack him for no reason. In fact, you have to almost have to make a concerted effort to get beaten up or get hurt in prison.
Forget the TV shows and shows like MSNBC's "Lock Up." Prison is nothing like that. Those programs are sensationalized to attract more viewers. In fact, when I first saw "Lock Up," it was so funny because it was so untrue.
You can forget prison rape as it is more an urban myth than anything. Too many inmates are willing to give it away for many rapes to occur.
Yes, people get sick in prison, but I only saw a handful of people die because of being ill. If your guy is a young man, his chances of becoming ill and dying in prison are close to zero.
So there is not really much that can happen to an inmate. In fact, people on the outside are more prone to an accident than inmates.
So if a mother or wife has not heard from her son or husband for a few days, what is she to believe?
There are several reasons that telephone communication can be bad and very few of them are a reason to worry about
There are a lot of inmates in prison with very few phones. It could be that your loved one has not been able to get a phone during the time he can call. When a phone is open, it is possible that your loved one cannot call at that time; and when he can call, a phone might not be available.
The phones in prison do not always work as well as they should. Our phone system was down for an entire week several times in the eight years I was in prison.
There may have been a lockdown----an institutional lockdown--- of some kind. I wrote a post regarding lockdowns several days ago, and in a prison lockdown, phones are not available.
Your loved one may have had the misfortune of breaking the rules and going to SHU----segregated housing unit. He cannot call out from there either.
He may have been shipped to another facility and not had the phone privileges at this new facility yet to call you.
The only other two reasons I can think that an inmate could not call is if he died or was very ill----both scenarios are very, very rare in prison.
I know mothers will worry because that is what mamas do. I know wives will worry because the man they love----and maybe the father of their children----is in prison, but poor communication for a few days is rarely anything to worry about.
If you are truly worried about your loved one who has not called, pick up the phone and call his case manager. Explain that you are his MOTHER or his WIFE and your are concerned about him as he has not called. Many times the case manager can check on him for you.
Hope this helps to calm some future fears.
rewdiazepam
To comfort these ladies, I would like to explain a few things about prison.
Prison is actually a fairly controlled environment. An inmate cannot get into a fatal car accident because there are no cars in prison. An inmate cannot get murdered in prison because there are no guns. It is also difficult for an inmate to suffer from a communicable disease, as he has very little contact with the outside world; inmates are more or less quarantined in the area---within the prison itself. A lot of bad things that can happen to us out here cannot happen in prison because of its environmental makeup.
True, people get stabbed in prison, but it is not too common. I saw a few stabbings at the medium I was at, but zero stabbings at the minimum. Nothing much happens at a minimum security facility and I noticed many of your sons, husbands or boyfriends are at a minimum security facility prison.
People also get beaten up in prison, but even then, an inmate is usually doing something foolish to get beaten up. Most of your beat downs are drug deals gone wrong, inmates being snitches, or people with sex charges who do not know how to carry themselves. Getting into debt and not being able to pay is also a major cause of beat downs. All this is preventable.
Inmates just do not come up to another inmate and attack him for no reason. In fact, you have to almost have to make a concerted effort to get beaten up or get hurt in prison.
Forget the TV shows and shows like MSNBC's "Lock Up." Prison is nothing like that. Those programs are sensationalized to attract more viewers. In fact, when I first saw "Lock Up," it was so funny because it was so untrue.
You can forget prison rape as it is more an urban myth than anything. Too many inmates are willing to give it away for many rapes to occur.
Yes, people get sick in prison, but I only saw a handful of people die because of being ill. If your guy is a young man, his chances of becoming ill and dying in prison are close to zero.
So there is not really much that can happen to an inmate. In fact, people on the outside are more prone to an accident than inmates.
So if a mother or wife has not heard from her son or husband for a few days, what is she to believe?
There are several reasons that telephone communication can be bad and very few of them are a reason to worry about
There are a lot of inmates in prison with very few phones. It could be that your loved one has not been able to get a phone during the time he can call. When a phone is open, it is possible that your loved one cannot call at that time; and when he can call, a phone might not be available.
The phones in prison do not always work as well as they should. Our phone system was down for an entire week several times in the eight years I was in prison.
There may have been a lockdown----an institutional lockdown--- of some kind. I wrote a post regarding lockdowns several days ago, and in a prison lockdown, phones are not available.
Your loved one may have had the misfortune of breaking the rules and going to SHU----segregated housing unit. He cannot call out from there either.
He may have been shipped to another facility and not had the phone privileges at this new facility yet to call you.
The only other two reasons I can think that an inmate could not call is if he died or was very ill----both scenarios are very, very rare in prison.
I know mothers will worry because that is what mamas do. I know wives will worry because the man they love----and maybe the father of their children----is in prison, but poor communication for a few days is rarely anything to worry about.
If you are truly worried about your loved one who has not called, pick up the phone and call his case manager. Explain that you are his MOTHER or his WIFE and your are concerned about him as he has not called. Many times the case manager can check on him for you.
Hope this helps to calm some future fears.
rewdiazepam
They sure get enough money for those calls. They should maintain those phones and want several in the prisons. More money in the prison and phone companies pockets. Another thing they do to annoy and hurt us.
It is hard, but I have no control over it. I have to accept the reality of our situation, even if I hate it.
I write a letter every day. It helps.