Families of Prisoners Support Group
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My husband has been away for 8 1/2 years already. you would think things would be easier but not by a long shot. I am at war with my son & DIL and things are only getting worse. They do not get along with my daughter (his sister) at all, mainly because of my DIL. My daughter has had a drug problem for the past few years but has sought out help and is doing better after a few slips. My DIL drinks a lot but is in complete denial yet they judge my daughter all the time. Things really came to a head on Easter when my son invited the family out for dinner but told me his sister wasn't invited, I told him I would not be going either because I was not leaving her home alone, that is when the battle really began. Now they are not speaking to me and are not allowing my 2 granddaughter's to speak to me either, which is just breaking my heart. I have asked them to move because I can't live like this anymore, my son told me not to have his father call him about this because he is going to do what he wants and doesn't care what his father says.
I am becoming more and more depressed over this and am having some terrible thought's. Sometimes I think things would be so much easier if I weren't here and I wish when I go to bed at night that I wouldn't wake up. I hate this because I know how much it would hurt my husband and I honestly think that is the only reason why I haven't done anything.
I should not have had to choose between my 2 children but my son put me in a bad situation on Easter and now he thinks I care more for his sister then him. He told me when he moves everything in this house is going with him including the ceiling fans, bathroom fixtures and all the appliances, he said he is leaving me with nothing. I hate that things got so bad and I don't know how to fix them. I know the best thing to do would be to let them move, but without his income I can't afford to keep this house and I don't think I'll be able to sell it either. I'm sorry I'm rambling I just needed to vent.
Thanks,
Pat
I am becoming more and more depressed over this and am having some terrible thought's. Sometimes I think things would be so much easier if I weren't here and I wish when I go to bed at night that I wouldn't wake up. I hate this because I know how much it would hurt my husband and I honestly think that is the only reason why I haven't done anything.
I should not have had to choose between my 2 children but my son put me in a bad situation on Easter and now he thinks I care more for his sister then him. He told me when he moves everything in this house is going with him including the ceiling fans, bathroom fixtures and all the appliances, he said he is leaving me with nothing. I hate that things got so bad and I don't know how to fix them. I know the best thing to do would be to let them move, but without his income I can't afford to keep this house and I don't think I'll be able to sell it either. I'm sorry I'm rambling I just needed to vent.
Thanks,
Pat
If you can't vent here I don't know where you can :)
It sounds so tough for you right now but this too, shall pass.
Stay in the present as much as you can Pat. I learned that from a book A New Earth which is very helpful to me and I highly recommend it.
Ask for divine help Pat, for the peace that transcends all understanding.
One moment at a time. God Bless you and your whole family
Your son is just an immature, selfish jerk. I cannot believe anyone would treat their mother like that.
You can always get an idea of what kind a person someone is or what is really in his or her heart by how they treat the weakest of society----women (especially mothers), animals, children, and older people.
He is certainly mistreating you.
And they are using an age old mechanism for punishing a mother or grandmother---keep the grandkids from seeing her. This is just as old as life itself.
But Pat, what concerns me, given my background, is that you have had dark thoughts of just going to bed and never waking up. If those thoughts start to consume you, you need to see a physician. Your husband needs you.
About your living arrangement, where I live people can move into apartments and the rent is based on their income. Have you explored that? You could sell the house and move there.
rewdiazepam
Please talk to someone about these dark thoughts iam worried about you!
I wish I had answers for you. I know you're trying to keep your family together, but it sometimes just doesn't work. I have three grown sons who don't talk to me since they've left home. I don't hear from them at all -- not for my birthday or Mother's Day or even Christmas. I've grown used to it, but it hurts.
It sounds like you don't have a lot of influence in their lives right now, but keep on loving them and praying for them and wanting the best for them because they are in your heart no matter what they say or do.
Find a doctor who will treat your depression and recommend a good therapist. This is very important right now!!! Yes, there are providers who will take you at little or no cost. Don't quit now, Pat. Promise?
But it comes to a point where you have to put your needs first. You have put up with so much, and shouldn't have to choose sides. Your son is very ungrateful, and you need to step back. Let him stew for awhile. Seems he hasn't grown up yet.
I got to the point that my family was being so awful to me that I had to stand back, and have my life without them for awhile. That was their choice by their actions. It was not for them to say who I should love. They aren't always the greatest people, so why let them judge me and my fiance. They still really don't get it.
Sure for awhile this will be hard on you, but you will adjust, and I am sure after awhile you will see your grandkids again.
You have bent over backwards for all of them, now it's time for you to take care of yourself, and if they don't like it, too bad.
It hurts me everyday to not be a part of my family's life, not be included in family activities, but I will not allow them to dictate what I do and how live anymore.
It hurts to go to Mpls, and not be able to go see them because I am with my fiance. But I will not drop him off somewhere to make them happy. My parents may be OLD but that's no excuse for their cruel behavior to him, or me.
I think your son is jealous of the attention your daughter needs right now. Too bad... if you as her mother feel she needs you, then he can just grow up and shut up. RIGHT????
Sorry if that sounded harsh, but really you have put up with enough Pat, and sound so desperate. I am worried about you.
Omg I cant believe how true your words are "no one is really there for you but yourself"
I always feel bad talking about my problems to people because I know everyone has problems but when one of my friends mention they have a problem EG: want to get back with there ex but are scared to talk to them I get really nasty about it (I don't say what I actually thing) I don't mean to but like hell the guy you like isn't in prison you can talk to your ex when ever you want so just do it! and then we will talk about my problems and they don't know how to help or what to say and then I feel bad!
PAT:
I have a sister and she gets everything and her and mum talk all the time and I get left out all the time yea I argue with my parents about her but in no way would I walk away from my family for more than a day maybe your son realises he has a problem and this is his way of reaching out to you and asking for help kind of like saying (I need help to but your too busy with her so ill just leave) your daughter should always be included in family events but just a question when was the last time you spent time just with you son and talked about just him? he is acting childish but he may need help to and in your post you state he does need help! just my view on it?!