We, on this site have been where you are and understand. Feel free to express your grief. Whether its 4mo., 4yrs. or 40, the feelings of loss is just as painful. Doing "what ifs" is not productive. The time will pass and you will be ok. We can't put out arms around you, but we can send you hugs. There is light at the end of the tunnel, so hang in there.

Thank you, Misty. I really hate to wish my life away, but I wish the time would go quickly.

So sorry you are going through this! Sending prayers and hugs to you, daughter and your family!
This is the perfect place to share your thoughts and hurt. It's got me through some rough time and continues to.

We have all been where you are right now we really do get it so keep writing you gotta get it out.......just know we are all hear for you!!

We get the pain you are feeling. It doesn't matter how long she got, whether it's 4 months or 4 years, it's your daughter. You never thought this would happen. It's a painful shock. Daily you think about her, and are sad. It's normal. Come on here anytime you need to. We all vent our frustrations and tell our thoughts and sadness. We all know what it is like.

This is a hard day I am sure being Thanksgiving. She will be home next year for the holidays. Just get through it like it's another day. That's how I approach it. BUT today I am sad mine is in prison, thinking of all the families together while he is in there and the fact his parents are dead and he can't ever have that family gathering again. I am sure that is why he is so crabby this week. Almost a jealous thing that I am going to family and he is in there, but wouldn't be with his family anyway.
Christmas will be hard too, but then awhile later she will be home. Put it behind you then, and just hug her and be there for her.

I am so sorry you are sad.

Today I am very angry. I was able to talk to my grandson last night for 3.5 hrs. (which was wonderful). He talked lot about his mother and told me things that I didn't know. He asked me not to tell her about our conversation but I was stunned. She really had me fooled. She never really changed her behavior after the last time she was in jail. What a horrible burden to put on your son. He knew what was going on and said that if he would have told someone maybe this wouldn't have happened. But then again, said maybe it was a blessing that she got caught stealing something small. How is it that she couldn't have been a better role model for her kids? I am so proud of the way he is living his life. He told me that he has never even thought of stealing anything when he goes into a store, and can't understand what his mother is thinking. I only hope her daughter grows up to be like her brother. He is going to college in NY (living with his aunt, thank God, or he couldn't afford it), he found a job and seems to be very happy with his life so far. He said he would rate it a "10". I asked him to pray for me that I can get through this. He said he prays every night for his whole family and has been since he was a little kid. He said God answers his prayers. I never actually thought about it and we really haven't had such a deep talk about religion. It was so enlightening for me. He doesn't go to church but really has strong faith in God. He carries such a burden when it comes to his mom. He is embarrassed for her and doesn't want people to think down on her because he does love her. He is put in the position now of worrying about what to tell his relatives if they ask where his mother is. And now I'm very angry at hr for putting all of us in this position. She says she loves us so much. How can you hurt so many people you love this way? I keep asking myself why and I just can't find an answer. I have only 1 child and this makes me feel like such a failure. She has gone from stealing to drugs to alcohol and now back to stealing. We as her family can keep going through this. I don't want to give up on her but 20 years is enough. Keeping her locked up doesn't seem like it will do her any good, since she did it again anyway. When will "rock bottom" ever hit. I can't figure out what makes people feel they are entitled to something that they didn't pay for. I'm so tired of having this go around in my mind constantly, but it never really ends. Even if I am involved in work, play, etc. I'm still always talking to myself inside. I truly need to separate her life from mine. I know very family goes through hard times, but I thought I raised a kid that had more integrity than she has. I know she wants her kids to have things and feels bad that she can't provide so she steals them. When will she realize that she is doing so much harm to all of us by trying to give what she doesn't have. I wonder if she feels she is sacrificing her freedom for her kids, or does she just want to put her responsibilities on someone else.To me, that's a warped way of thinking. I'm going to try very hard today to enjoy a Thanksgiving dinner with my husband, daughter's boyfriend and my granddaughter and be thankful for the good things we do have in life, I love my grandchildren so much and I so want to be the est role model I can be for them.

Sorry that you have been put in this position, as it is tragic every time a loved one goes to prison.

It is OK----even healthy-----to have tears and grieve at this point. You have to do this in order to get to the healing stage.

I am one of the very few guys who post on this board and I was in prison for a long time----almost a decade----on a false conviction.

There is something I want you to know-----Prison rescues some people. Some people need to go to prison, as that is the only thing that will stop their destructive behavior. The time in prison allows some inmates to grow up, and it wakes them up. Often, it has such an impact on their lives that they vow to never go back.

One thing about prison is that it gives a person a LOT of time to do nothing but think----to ponder about life itself. Through this period both you and your daughter will probably find out things about yourself that you never knew.

An inmate can think about what he or she did to get himself or herself in such a mess and hopefully, come up with a plan of action upon his or her release so he or she will never come back to prison.

I have seen many first time offenders who did well in prison since there were very few drugs or any of the temptations that young people succumb to. They get "clean" in body and spirit, decide that this is not the life they want, and then take measures to correct their behavior upon their release. You never see them again.

If she has a drug or alcohol problem, then she must get some aggressive treatment and STAY in treatment, possibly for the rest of her life, to be successful in life.

You are like a thousand other mothers I talk to often who ask the same questions-----"Where did I fail," or "Did I do something that I could have done differently?," or "Is any of this my fault?"

Mom, you didn't fail your daughter. I am sure you did the best you could at the time to instill the proper values in your daughter and she just made a few mistakes. Do you know why she made these mistakes? Because she is a flawed human being just as I am a flawed human being and everyone else in this world. She is not an evil person, but she does fall short of perfection, as we all do

How do I know you did not fail your daughter without even seeing or speaking to you? It took a brave mother to create an account on a forum and spill her guts to a bunch of strangers. You could have been ridiculed or scolded, but not on this forum----but you did not know that.

Mothers that neglected their children and did not put forth an effort to raise them do not speak to a bunch of strangers about a problem so personal as a child going to prison. You were desperate and SCARED, but willing to do this because you LOVE your daughter. No, mom, you did the best you could.

Her problem has nothing to do with "integrity" or "honesty." Her problem was a drug or substance abuse which robbed her mind of all you taught her. Let's get her out of prison and work on her problems.

I know prisons. You daughter will be fine. In fact, she is probably taking this much better than you are right now. She will get in there, make a couple of buddies, and do her time. Four months is a very short time, although I realize to you it may seem like forty years. She will serve her time and come home.

You WILL get through this and so will your daughter. Human beings are very resilient creatures and they can adapt to most any environment; after all, they have been on this planet for hundreds of thousands of years.

One thing I want to tell you in closing------In the history of this country, tens of thousands of young men and women have gone to prison, with thousands of worried moms waiting for them, and 99% of them did fine. They were able to get out of prison and go on with their lives. There is absolutely NO reason that you, your family, and your daughter cannot do the same.

And lastly, God gives us all second chances-----and third and fourth chances. I believe in your daughter as I believe in most young people today.

I believe she will work through her problems, but she will need a lot of love, understanding, and support; which I know you will give.

God Bless you, your daughter and your family. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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I have spent the whole weekend with my granddaughter. We had a lot of fun. I think we have played every game we have in our house about 10 times. The whole time, my daughter is on my mind, and all the impending circumstances yet to come. The place where I work has been sold and the new company cannot keep all the staff. I am the oldest of all of them and I am praying that I don't get cut. If I do, my housing comes along with the job so we will have to move about 4.5 hrs. away. I just have to let the chips fall where they will and figure something out. My granddaughter will be staying with my daughter's boyfriend, but if we have to move away, they'll lose their house, too. What a freaking mess. Please,please, please keep us in your prayers. These 4 months can change all of our entire lives so much.