Families of Prisoners Support Group
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So a little background, I have known my fiance for about 9 years (he was my departed little brother's close friend), he has been a good friend and confidant for about 6 years (he and his then girlfriend crashed on my couch for a few months and we became very close friends), and we've been together about 15 months. He is 6 1/2 years younger than I am and has struggled with addiction since he was about 13. He had disappeared in 2013, and in 2015 I found out he was locked up. I wrote him a letter, basically ripping him a new one, asking how he could be so stupid, and generally how disappointed I was, and we began taking. Eventually he told me how he felt, and how he had felt since he lived with me, and I didn't believe him. I never in my life thought he would be interested in me, and it took him about 3 months to convince me. He came home in May of 2016. Everything was going great, he had a good job, we had a place that we loved, doing awesome. Well, because he feels like he should be responsible for everything, my money should be my money and he should pay everything, he started taking all these side jobs and overtime and ended up using again just to keep up. We split up, and he got hooked in with people he shouldn't and when I couldn't take that anymore he took off, while on parole. That was in the middle of August. On Thanksgiving he called me, said he wanted to come home, he wanted our family back, and asking what he had to do. He was in Colorado, we live in Missouri. I told him it didn't matter, because he wouldn't be willing to do it, and he said he would do anything. I told him he had to turn himself in, get treatment, and walk away from the people in his life, that were involved in anything to do with drugs. He found someone to take his dog, and turned himself in. He has been back in prison since December 5th, transferred back to Missouri on December 20th. He has had some issues because my brother-in-law, who doesn't like either one of us, has friends that work in his prison. Luckily, those C.O.'s actually tranferred this week, but they did give him 4 violations in the last 5 months. In 17 days he sees the parole board, 2 days before my 30th birthday.
So here is where the stress and information gathering comes in.
If they decide to make him finish his time, we are looking at him coming home in October of 2019. When he sees the board, he is going to request a treatment. His parents will not be there, as he doesn't have the greatest relationship with them. However, he is rebuilding it, and I have pushed him to be open with them and work at it instead of writing them off. I will definitely be there, and if she gets approved in time, my mother will be there. We have a letter of intent to hire that will also be presented to the board.
So the questions:
1.) Has anyone here been through the parole board in Missouri with a friend or family member? If so, what happen, and what did you have to do to be able to attend?
2.) Has anyone here gotten married to an inmate in Missouri DOC? We were planning on getting married when he comes home, but he says he doesn't want to wait. I have no idea what to expect. I have to find a minister or someone to preform the marriage, and they have to have a letter of good standing but I don't know where to go for this. Neithe one of us attend church.
Thank you for any help, and just for taking time to read.
Parole hearings are usually held where the offender is housed and may be conducted via videoconference.
An inmate can usually have one---just one----delegate to speak on his behalf. If you plan on doing this, your main objective is to convey to the parole board that he will have a job and a place to live; in other words, he will be released to a stable environment. The bottom line is that the parole board will not parole anyone to an unstable environment, since the recidivism rate soars when the offender has no place to live and no means of family support.
You said, “We have a letter of intent to hire that will also be presented to the board.” Make damn sure that each and every parole board member sees this letter. You probably should make a copy, send it to your guy, and have him give a copy to his case manager so the intent to hire letter will be seen by each parole board member.
I doubt they will give you more than a few minutes to speak on his behalf, so know what you need to say when you are before the board.
If you plan on being his delegate, you should probably notify the parole board to determine if you need to fill out any paperwork in advance. Call and ask the Missouri parole board what procedure they use for someone to speak on behalf of the offender. They can tell you what you need to do. I cannot tell you for sure as the rules change so much, so call them.
Since his hearing is only 17 days away, you should call them ASAP. Here is the parole board’s contact information----
3400 Knipp Drive
Jefferson City, MO 65109
Phone: 573-751-8488
TTY: 800-735-2966
Fax: 573-751-8501
When you speak to them, you will want to tell them that you two are married, which will be in his favor. Dress conservatively. You do not want to wear a halter top with a plunging neckline, a miniskirt, or high heels. Just normal shoes, a business type pant suit, or a conservative dress or skirt is what you want. Get rid of any piercing and tattoos if you have them.
Tell your guy to also be clean shaven, looking good, and if he has any tattoos or piercings to get rid of them or cover them up. The reason I mention this is that the parole board members will consist of mostly older, conservative folks, so you want to dress conservatively.
If they mention him running off---and they most likely will----point out that he voluntarily came back and turned himself in. The fact that he violated parole once before will hurt his parole chances. The fact that he received several misconducts while in prison will also hinder his chances, but his crime being a non-violent crime with no victim will work in his favor.
Regarding the misconducts in prison, do NOT use the excuse that the officers had it in for your guy. Instead, both you and he need to never mention that and to take full responsibility. The guards may have not liked him and treated him unfairly, but at a parole board hearing, you must be contrite and make no excuses.
.
The board may defer his parole until he enrolls in and completes a drug treatment program in prison.
As far as the procedure for getting married, he needs to check with his case manager or the chaplain to find out the procedure. Each prison and each state does it differently.
Some states will allow a marriage by proxy, but not Missouri.
I did find you a link which will give you a guideline regarding marriage in prison-----
http://tinyurl.com/yareq8cu\
I would read over the material and if you have questions, have him ask the case manager or the chaplain. The chaplain is usually a good referral for any marriage questions. Or you can call and talk to the case manager and the chaplain. The important thing is to ask questions if you are not sure.
I, myself, was in prison for almost a decade for a rape I did not commit. Since my release, I work with The Innocence Project and in support for inmates and their families. I post on several prison/criminal justice forums.
I am familiar with prison, prison problems, and the criminal justice system in this country.
Anytime you have a question or problem, do not hesitate to contact me.
I notice you both are very young. My hope is that he can get out of prison and you both can be happy together.
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