Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
I know I'm not the only one. I don't want to come across as being overly needy or unable to stand my own. I'm a strong person. Usually, I'm a fighter and I won't back down until I get what I was after. I usually have a tougher attitude. It usually is hard to get under my skin... unless you are taking my guy from me or starting things with my kids... then for some reason I can become supermom and superwoman and lift heaven and earth to get things accomplished but all the while, I'm crying inside. Hiding the emotions until they burst out.
My guy is a testament of that. We dated when I was 16 & he was 18 for 1 year. We lost ties and reconnected 11 years later. I don't think I ever got over him. I just lived without him and went on with my life. Maybe I wasn't ready for it then. I can still remember when we first reconnected. The first time we saw each other I had butterflies in my stomach and nervous. That's the same way I was at court a few weeks ago. How a person can have power over another so deeply.... Anyway, We are now stronger than ever and care for each other way more than when we were teens. I cracked open his shell as he says in less than 3 years time. We mean more to each other than ever was realized before this happened to us. In a way, this has allowed him to open up to me. This allows him to share his feelings and we grow stronger together. If we can make it through this, the hardest thing someone can go through, there is something to be said for that....
I know that we all have to be strong to get through this. It puts me in awe of how many women are on this site that are waiting for their men. So many people standing by their daughter, son, husband, wife, other family. Standing by them. Supporting them. Love is powerful. It makes me think that love still exists. i come from a family that goes behind your back and starts trouble where it isn't needed for others. I don't really see my family as a family. I ran away when I was just 14 and of course, I had to come back. Regardless, my point here is, I found this site and I have felt really connected to the support that is given here. I hate that we all have to endure and suffer through the years and months away from our loved one but I am really happy that it does exist. without the help I have received here, I don't know that I'd be doing as well as I am. I have no one to turn to and no friends that would understand.
My job co-workers are getting ready for the coming holidays and all I can do is feel mournful. I can't get through the holidays without him though I know I must endure it, if it comes to that. The possibility of him being out is very slim. I don't have a date when he will be free. I don't know how long he will be there. I have it easier than a lot of women perhaps... but that doesn't make this any less stressful. Its hard to think that everyone around me is happy and cheerful. Their lives appear to be intact while mine is falling apart. It takes a lot for me to get up and continue my life. without him. We did everything together. We were always together. I try to fake it and appear to be living and lively while inside I am dieing.
I can't bring myself to participate in anything while he's there. I feel bad if I order food that he wouldn't be able to have. I make coffee that he would love to have. He got excited just that they will have espresso on the list of commissary for the holidays. I am thankful for him. He means so much to me. He gave me purpose. He gave me love that I never knew with anyone, including my children's father. He's always been there when I needed someone to listen. I am sure many of you feel the same way about your loved ones.
I just kinda needed to write out what's been on my mind today. Its not always easy to be alone with three kids and love someone that is in jail/prison...I handle a lot of stress and I worry a lot, (though sometimes its unwarranted worry) ... I support him in everything because I know the truth about him. I know how he is on the inside. He's tough on the outside...but he feels on the inside.. I take it to heart knowing that he cares about me so much... I impress myself with how strong I can be.... I do believe, this is the hardes thing I have ever been capable of doing....
My guy is a testament of that. We dated when I was 16 & he was 18 for 1 year. We lost ties and reconnected 11 years later. I don't think I ever got over him. I just lived without him and went on with my life. Maybe I wasn't ready for it then. I can still remember when we first reconnected. The first time we saw each other I had butterflies in my stomach and nervous. That's the same way I was at court a few weeks ago. How a person can have power over another so deeply.... Anyway, We are now stronger than ever and care for each other way more than when we were teens. I cracked open his shell as he says in less than 3 years time. We mean more to each other than ever was realized before this happened to us. In a way, this has allowed him to open up to me. This allows him to share his feelings and we grow stronger together. If we can make it through this, the hardest thing someone can go through, there is something to be said for that....
I know that we all have to be strong to get through this. It puts me in awe of how many women are on this site that are waiting for their men. So many people standing by their daughter, son, husband, wife, other family. Standing by them. Supporting them. Love is powerful. It makes me think that love still exists. i come from a family that goes behind your back and starts trouble where it isn't needed for others. I don't really see my family as a family. I ran away when I was just 14 and of course, I had to come back. Regardless, my point here is, I found this site and I have felt really connected to the support that is given here. I hate that we all have to endure and suffer through the years and months away from our loved one but I am really happy that it does exist. without the help I have received here, I don't know that I'd be doing as well as I am. I have no one to turn to and no friends that would understand.
My job co-workers are getting ready for the coming holidays and all I can do is feel mournful. I can't get through the holidays without him though I know I must endure it, if it comes to that. The possibility of him being out is very slim. I don't have a date when he will be free. I don't know how long he will be there. I have it easier than a lot of women perhaps... but that doesn't make this any less stressful. Its hard to think that everyone around me is happy and cheerful. Their lives appear to be intact while mine is falling apart. It takes a lot for me to get up and continue my life. without him. We did everything together. We were always together. I try to fake it and appear to be living and lively while inside I am dieing.
I can't bring myself to participate in anything while he's there. I feel bad if I order food that he wouldn't be able to have. I make coffee that he would love to have. He got excited just that they will have espresso on the list of commissary for the holidays. I am thankful for him. He means so much to me. He gave me purpose. He gave me love that I never knew with anyone, including my children's father. He's always been there when I needed someone to listen. I am sure many of you feel the same way about your loved ones.
I just kinda needed to write out what's been on my mind today. Its not always easy to be alone with three kids and love someone that is in jail/prison...I handle a lot of stress and I worry a lot, (though sometimes its unwarranted worry) ... I support him in everything because I know the truth about him. I know how he is on the inside. He's tough on the outside...but he feels on the inside.. I take it to heart knowing that he cares about me so much... I impress myself with how strong I can be.... I do believe, this is the hardes thing I have ever been capable of doing....
It is a shame that we have to go through this, at least we know we are not alone and can come to the board and vent, talk, read, etc to help us.
Love always matters and has always existed. Sometimes we are just not looking in the right place with the right person at the right time and sometimes love only shows itself when we truly need each other.
Situations like this make our love and dedication stronger. Almost every strong person I know has been to the pits of hell and back to become that Tower of Strength. It is no different with you two.
Your guy will be out, you will continue with your relationship, and it will be stronger and more precious than ever.
You just have to believe.
rewdiazepam
She told me that she felt guilty and sometimes she hesitated to put the times they had a family reunion or good times in a letter because she thought it might make me feel bad.
I will tell you what I told her---and most inmates feel the same. I WANTED her to have fun, enjoy her family, go to nice places to eat, and enjoy herself while I was locked up. I have never been the kind of guy who wants sympathy or someone to feel sorry for him. I wanted her to do this because I cared about her and was not selfish.
Just because my life at the time was not a bed of roses did not mean she should suffer with me.
She needed to live her life and enjoy it, even though I was locked up. After all, I was the one that was convicted, not her. I would have felt very guilty if she would have put me before her family or if she did not want to tell me the enjoyable things she did out here while I was in there.
I did not want to deprive her of anything.
Inmates are big boys and we can handle stuff like that.
Most inmates with a lot of time are not selfish. They are reasonable enough to realize that they are not the center of the world and that other people have a life out here they also have to take care of.
At least that is the way I always felt.
rewdiazepam
He LOVES hearing that I'm ok. Everyone here worries about their loved one in prison...but you know, Michael worries about me. I work a lot (2 jobs and babysitting)...I get to the brink of sheer exhaustion. I forget to eat (yeah...totally forget to eat--come to think about it...I've not eaten since last night. I should probably do that soon) I have issues with depression...and I've been a cutter in the past. Michael worries about those things. He worries a lot.
So...when he hears that I've gone to the museum...or the zoo...when I tell him Filippo and I went out to dinner....or Chrissybitch or Jami came to town and I hung out with them....He's thrilled to hear it. When I tell him about spending the day with Annette, or how I watched football all day with my brothers or went shopping with my sisters...he gets excited. He knows if i'm keeping busy and having fun, then I'm not pulling any stupid crap.
There's a good chance your guy wants you to go out and have fun. He probably doesn't want you moping and crying all the time. He wants the best for you! And besides, writing about your day is so much more fun if you're writing about fun stuff!!
He wants me to continue to so things and share with him what I've done. It's like living through my experiences.
I do agree, DS has been a life saver for me, knowing there were people here that understood what I was going through and supported my decision to stick by him (when everyone else tried to convince me otherwise).
I may have blood family - but DS is a family I cherish!
Nobody---absolutely nobody---understands except the people who have gone through the criminal justice system or who are currently involved in the system.
People just cannot understand, as they have not experienced the pain, the sense of loss, the helplessness, or the emptiness that having a loved one locked up brings.
Some people don't care and some people, try as much as they may, just cannot comprehend what it is like to have your loved one locked up.
Those that have loved ones in prison live and experience a different world than normal folks.
It would be so easy for all you ladies on this board just to ditch your man and walk away. That would be the easy way out.
But you don't do that. You stick it out even though there are some very difficult and uncomfortable times.
You choose to endure this not only because you have a love and dedication that most people can only hope for---but will never have--for your guy but also because you are as tough as nails; very strong individuals.
I have posted on this board and the Families for Sex Offender board for almost two years now. I say this with pride: Some of the bravest people with the most courage and resolve are the ladies who post on this board and are patiently waiting for their man to be released from prison.
Those who ridicule or don't understand will never have such courage to face the bad times.
I talk to many of the ladies through PMs and I hear not only their stories, but the stories of the man they love. Sometimes I just shake my head at the commitment you ladies have.
It often humbles me, even though I am a pretty strong person.
I am a guy and I have been in prison, but I feel a kinship with each and every poster on here. You all are "my people."
When I was in prison, I talked to many inmates who had a lady waiting on the outside. They would never admit it---as inmates are very prideful and want to sound tough and manly---but I could read between the lines: you were their lifeline.
In many respects, you are the glue that holds all their hopes and dreams together.
So I hope when someone hints to you that you should leave your guy, you can just smile, knowing that you are doing God's work.
rewdiazepam
I did laugh and think you should know how noble and wonderful my man is now that he is out. We went somewhere the other day. They were advertising the Chippendales coming to this one bar near here. My god they have went downhill to be " performing" in a small town in WI. And yep, my wonderful fiance wanted me to have some fun so bought me two tickets and told me to take our elderly, fun neighbor lady with. OMG it was awful. I am not a prude but this was not dancers, it was pure pornography in person. OH MY GOD, OH LORD is all my poor neighbor could say. I was embarassed to take her there. My fiance had no idea how gross these guys get in the show. He laughed but said he probably shouldn't of gotten the tickets, he just thought I deserved a little fun. Ooops, not that kind.
I know you are all laughing at me now. Heck, I had NO CLUE it would be like that. ISH! I enjoy looking at my fiance, but not those guys, and most were young enough to be my son. Felt weird just being there. OK, I am now officially old, right?
But this is an example of how my guy wanted to let me know it's ok to go out and have fun even now that he is home. But thanks but no thanks to that kind of " fun" ever again. Yuck!