There will be the sad days. It is only through sadness that we learn to appreciate the good times. Sadness enables us to grow as human beings.

Inmates are not Superman, although we might like to think so sometimes. While around the other inmates, we have to always put up a brave front or we will be perceived as "weaK", which will cause the other inmates to prey on us.

Some inmates will play the role of the proverbial "shark" when it smells blood if they see an inmate in a weak moment. It is sad that it has to be that way, but that is the nature of prison. While in prison, many of the other inmates are not normal human beings.

Actually, it should be an encouraging sign when your guy shows sorrow or is dejected. It shows that he still has the ability to care and that he has retained his HUMANITY. I have seen inmates so far gone into the black hole of life that they are no longer able to express any human emotions. They just go through the motions.

You certainly do not want your guy, whether he is a boyfriend, son, or husband, to lose his humanity.

But this is what you ladies are for----to help hold your guy up when he feels hopeless. All your letters and visits make him realize that no matter how bad it seems in there that someone still cares enough to sit down, write a letter, or drive miles and miles to see them.

An inmate's worst fear it that society will forget about them, that they no longer matter to anyone.

Whether you realize it or not, you are doing the work of God's messengers, spreading hope.

Keep up the good work, everyone. Some day this will all be over, I promise.

rewdiazepm

Thinking of you, my dear friend.

I had one of those today too. When my guy called me awhile ago (he calls everynight like clockwork), he seemed ok at first. And then I made the mistake of bringing up his brother and after that it was just a sad 15 minute conversation. I felt like I ruined his day.

I'm sorry you had a sad visit. Just know that there are lots of other people out there going through the same thing you are. You are not alone. Things will get better, for all of us.

Thank you, everyone. Rew, you're absolutely right, and I am grateful that he's a thoughtful person, who feels deeply. I think some of his sadness stems from shame, for his mistake, and some comes from how unjust the system is. He's been in 5 months and has watched people come and go, and I think he's learning about corruption firsthand. There's a lot of inconsistency in sentencing- the guys with attorneys fare much better than those with public defenders, for instance. It gets to him.
lwayne, you're the best. :)
Jellyfish, thanks. You and I are in really similar situations. This Tuesday our attorney is meeting with the Judge to discuss a plea. Please keep your fingers (and toes!) crossed that things go well, and I'll do the same for you.

Angeladam, My fingers and toes will turn blue crossing them hard so we can get what you need and want. MAYBE!!!!!!!

Rew, we love you. You say it like it is. You explain things, so we understand. You know, because you were there. I think you are one of the angels on this group. You make things clear to us about prison life, what happens there, you clear up misconceptions, you tell it like it is.

Fearing making them sad is normal, but like Rew said, if they do get sad, at least prison life has not institutionalized them to the point of not being able to feel things anymore. Mine went through that the last time he was in. He got so angry at the system, and the world that he just was not a nice person. He couldn't see what I was going through, he didn't care.

This time somehow, he felt my pain, he felt awful for the life I was having because he was back in prison. He came home for the most part a different, better man. Sure there are still residual effects of the things they endure in prison. It isn't all smoothe sailing, but he is a much kinder, gentler, and appreciative man now.

One time recently, the realities of being home now, along with trying so hard to do everything to make me happy, yet things went wrong, made him go off on a depression week, and drinking, he is now on the right path. He got into therapy, started taking med's, got more med's to curb his urge to drink, and all this is because he learned prison is not the place he ever wants to be again, and never wants to put me through that again.

We don't want them sad. They don't want us sad. But in reality, that's what happens when we love someone. Keeping them from the things that are going on in life, is not recommended whether they are home or incarcerated. That's not how a relationship can work out.

I found that mine took things better if I just told him what was going on from the start, so he felt he could help with the situation, and help me get through it. He wanted to be included in everything, whether it was comfortable for him or not. Excluding them makes them feel like we don't need them anymore.

We don't have to go in the excess of how miserable we are. But they sense it anyway.

Angela, keep making those plans for the future. Even send him copies of brochures of places you want to go with him, or things you want to do. If you can't send the original copies, copy them on a copy machine and send them. Mine loved to look at those things and make plans.

Remember just as you have bad and sad days, he does too, but we do survive. I am proof. AND when he gets home, it will be good, but you will still have normal life things happening, that will be good sometimes, and upsetting other times. Oh yea. That's called life. Unfortunately life is not a fairy tale like we read about. But having our Prince Charming home does help, regardless. You will have Adam home and hopefully it will be soon.

Hey, I have my KING home, and sometimes he can be a real toad.

But toads can be loving too!