Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
I am struggling with not feeling the same way any 2 days in a row regarding my AS's incarceration. He was sentenced on the 30th June. We are now waiting for his "placement" He took the plea (taking/stealing his "friend's" truck w/o permission). 1.5 yrs + extra 3 mnths to avoid parole time. He still has the lingering FTA from another county, same state.
Although I am always positive and upbeat when we talk on the phone, I find my emotions are different everyday. There was a double suicide there over the weekend so they are still on lockdown. One hour out of the pods and cells. My son finally got to the phone this morning. One day I feel strong, the next day I just have this horrible sad rock feeling in the bottom of my stomach.
Sometimes tears come out of nowhere, just as the strength does. I Pray all the time and when I remember that there is a Plan for my son and it will be better than what was going on in his homeless addicted life I gain some strength.
Does anyone else experience these struggles emotionally?
It even feels better just writing it here as I know we are all in the same boat and share a common bond.
Although I am always positive and upbeat when we talk on the phone, I find my emotions are different everyday. There was a double suicide there over the weekend so they are still on lockdown. One hour out of the pods and cells. My son finally got to the phone this morning. One day I feel strong, the next day I just have this horrible sad rock feeling in the bottom of my stomach.
Sometimes tears come out of nowhere, just as the strength does. I Pray all the time and when I remember that there is a Plan for my son and it will be better than what was going on in his homeless addicted life I gain some strength.
Does anyone else experience these struggles emotionally?
It even feels better just writing it here as I know we are all in the same boat and share a common bond.
Brenda....Hi, thank you too, I guess in my maternal mind I hope I wake up in the morning first of all, then I hope this rock feeling in my stomach will be gone, after reading SO many stories of the same feelings with so many different people, I have to start to focus on living with it and I am drawing BIG TIME on my Faith. I always have but sometimes I slip. I am very Spiritual and if I ever share it in any messages I don't intend to offend or push it on anyone, I just need to say it and see it :) Over my computer is Joshua 1:9, The Serenity Prayer and Footprints In The Sand. They are right where I can look up and see them among the wall of papers that have accumulated on my son's case.
talk more soon and stay strong. I can't wait to feel the balance of my maternal emotions vs the system and how it sucks vs "yes they were his choices".
I feel so lost most days. I have pretty much isolated myself from my friends b/c I'm so embarrassed and also because his case is still pending and his lawyer has instructed us to not talk about his case. So it's hard to be around friends b/c they can tell something is not right with me and it's just exhausting. So I really have shut myself off from them. I do have my husband to talk to and hang out with so that is a blessing.
Right now my son is in county jail b/c of a FTA on another matter. This is just so hard for me. He kept all this a secret from us and now it has exploded into such a mess.
Sorry to rant but it's been a bad day. I know God has a plan for us all and I just need to trust in that. Some days I can and others not so much.
Much love and prayers to us all. x
I am (in my opinion) better at writing my feelings so this has really helped me! When I first came on & got somewhat attached to it, it seemed like it slowed down & nobody was talking so I'm glad that it seems to have picked back up!!
You might just try writing in the journals & see if this helps! You can even make the setting private so only you see it & can change settings whenever you want!!
It's a great place to vent & just get things out of our head so we can function & concentrate on the next task!
I have seen you post some. Never be afraid to let us help!! It helps us too!!
Hugs!!
I just like all the others you may meet here have talked(wrote) to Whata several times and Wisc....They offer so much support and she said it right on the button, we all share this certain special bond which develops from very sad and trying circumstances. I hope you will check in now and then, and remember-we can write(journal) to ourselves and/or each other...Whata explained it to me too :)
Most important is to always take care of you first. For myself, I think isolation comes as a natural, sometimes maternal way for us to absorb and try to accept all that happens through the penal systems across the country. Every facility is different, with different rules and the costs can get high if you plan to deposit any monies on his phone/commissary accts.
Stay close to your husband, and we are always here. Slowly you will adjust to situations that "pop up" and learn to endure the pain better. It doesn't really ever go away, just gives us a break sometimes :)
Prayers and Hugs :)
And see, it does help to be on here & be able to help others & bounce things off of each other or just be support for someone sharing the same bond & letting them be support for you too!!
And Jobro, WhatAJoke and Joslyn2 are fairly new at this, but OMG have they perked up and got right in there with this site. I am so proud of all of you.
I have been on here so long. I watch new people come on here, not sure what it is all about, but so frazzled, sad and despondent, with no answers, no way of understanding what is going to happen to their person in prison, or what will happen to them too.
They don't know where to turn. Just as we all have felt. Then after just a short time, most people really do perk up, join in, and become part of our little family. We all learn to care what each other says all the time. We look for posts to see what is going on with them. We worry when they are really upset or don't come on here for awhile. That is the most helpless part. When there is silence from a friend on here that has been really despondent. There is nothing we can do but hope they get back on here. Usually they do.
I don't know who created this site, but they should know what a blessing it is to all of us. And how much we depend on it and all of our friends on here. They are faceless, nameless friends. Sometimes we privately share our names. But being on the internet, can't trust it on the regular posts. ANYONE can see it.
We are a support group. But we can also just be friends. Even when our people get out of prison, we usually stay here. Mine got out. I didn't leave.
Peope hear our stories, and want to know how it is going. It can be inspirational to know if they got out and succeeded in life after. It can prepare us for the what if they do mess up stuff, like mine did.
They really care when they hear bad news.. like he went back in a year ago yesterday after only being home 10 months from a 3 and a half year term.
Anyway ladies. I love ya all.
Luv & Hugs :)
Many that get out have learned their lesson and just want to get away from the old things and people that got them there. Mine fell back into his old ways because he has been an alcoholic for most of his life, and is bipolar, and won't go see a therapist or take his medications. So I always have to worry what will happen when he gets out.
But your daughter is younger than he is, and hopefully even though this may sound cruel, she finds prison so unpleasant, it will scare her straight.
Mine has been in so many times, it's NORMAL for him, in some ways. And his mental health issues take over his sane thinking.
My son got out and turned his life around. He has a nice family now, lots of kids, a nice home and THINGS. He still associates with some of his old, drug friends, but most of them have grown up, got good jobs, started businesses, and have kids to take care of. Most people do move away from the stuff that got them in trouble. Unfortunately mine needs help that he usually ends up quitting or won't get.
I think your daughter can survive in there and come out on top with the support you give her. I would definitely write constructive letters that tell her things she needs to know about how to get out and do better. If she is receptive to that. Sometimes letters are easier than talking to them in person or on the phone about issues that aren't comfortable. Sure they may read them and not like what we say, but those letters are still there, in their stuff, eating at them, and usually they read them more than once.
Just an idea.