Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
I had an interesting experience today.
An older lady approached me while I was working on one of my friend's computers----who is a pharmacist----and she started talking about people in prison. I could tell by her conversation that she thought the people in prison were nothing but trash.
Then she asked me----a prison reform person and one who supports inmate's and their families----the worst question she could have ever asked.
She asked, "Why do you help 'those people'" as if inmates are some kind of sub human creature only deserving to be the recipient of scorn.
"THOSE PEOPLE." Two words that I literally hate.
I hesitated for a second and I said. "Those people"----emphasized----are MY friends. I was one of "those people" at one time. Yes, some inmates are violent and a danger to society---and even to themselves----but "those people" are mostly people who are not well educated, sometimes lost and needing help, who have made a poor choice at some point in their lives to send them to prison.
I went on. I said, that "THOSE PEOPLE" could easily be your son or your husband someday and that there are plenty of "those people" running around out here who have done plenty of terrible things, but just have never been caught.
Two words you NEVER want to say to me is "those people."
I went on to inform little Miss Busybody that if "those people" had received the proper treatment in their lives and perhaps had someone to love them, that "those people" would have never ended up in prison.
Then she said something else that she should not have. She said, "But if you see an inmate's picture, they look so bad, so unclean."
I told her, "The reason they look bad is that they are force to wear a set of clothing that probably has a total value of less than one dollar. How would you expect them to look? Like a banker, like a wealthy business man, perhaps like a movie actor."
I went on and I said, "Your opinion is wrong but it is even worse----it is disgusting. If people like you would learn some love for you fellow man instead of this smug and condescending attitude you have for people in prison, our prisons would not be full."
I went on to inform her. "Most of the inmates in prison are not there because they are evil. Evil is a word sufficient for the last politician you voted for, who is trying to destroy families by wiping out the middle class. This affects millions. THAT is evil, not some person in prison who has an alcohol or drug problem or who has made mistakes in life."
By that time I was winding down, so I finished, "I just hope someday that you follow your teachings from the Bible and learn some forgiveness, some redemption for some of these souls in need of repair."
By the time I was finished with her she was sniffling with tears in her eyes.
I am a former inmate and I make no bones about it I know what prison is REALLY like and from my work, I know what usually sends men and women to prison.
Just had to get that off my chest.
rewdaizepam
An older lady approached me while I was working on one of my friend's computers----who is a pharmacist----and she started talking about people in prison. I could tell by her conversation that she thought the people in prison were nothing but trash.
Then she asked me----a prison reform person and one who supports inmate's and their families----the worst question she could have ever asked.
She asked, "Why do you help 'those people'" as if inmates are some kind of sub human creature only deserving to be the recipient of scorn.
"THOSE PEOPLE." Two words that I literally hate.
I hesitated for a second and I said. "Those people"----emphasized----are MY friends. I was one of "those people" at one time. Yes, some inmates are violent and a danger to society---and even to themselves----but "those people" are mostly people who are not well educated, sometimes lost and needing help, who have made a poor choice at some point in their lives to send them to prison.
I went on. I said, that "THOSE PEOPLE" could easily be your son or your husband someday and that there are plenty of "those people" running around out here who have done plenty of terrible things, but just have never been caught.
Two words you NEVER want to say to me is "those people."
I went on to inform little Miss Busybody that if "those people" had received the proper treatment in their lives and perhaps had someone to love them, that "those people" would have never ended up in prison.
Then she said something else that she should not have. She said, "But if you see an inmate's picture, they look so bad, so unclean."
I told her, "The reason they look bad is that they are force to wear a set of clothing that probably has a total value of less than one dollar. How would you expect them to look? Like a banker, like a wealthy business man, perhaps like a movie actor."
I went on and I said, "Your opinion is wrong but it is even worse----it is disgusting. If people like you would learn some love for you fellow man instead of this smug and condescending attitude you have for people in prison, our prisons would not be full."
I went on to inform her. "Most of the inmates in prison are not there because they are evil. Evil is a word sufficient for the last politician you voted for, who is trying to destroy families by wiping out the middle class. This affects millions. THAT is evil, not some person in prison who has an alcohol or drug problem or who has made mistakes in life."
By that time I was winding down, so I finished, "I just hope someday that you follow your teachings from the Bible and learn some forgiveness, some redemption for some of these souls in need of repair."
By the time I was finished with her she was sniffling with tears in her eyes.
I am a former inmate and I make no bones about it I know what prison is REALLY like and from my work, I know what usually sends men and women to prison.
Just had to get that off my chest.
rewdaizepam
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Which explains the mysterious fevers and my extra fatigue. I'm so glad I pushed for answers.
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Due to my increased paranoia, anxiety, and a panic attack over the weekend, my psychiatrist has put me back in a full dose of Zyprexa until further notice. Every time I think I'm getting ahead something happens and it's back to square one. I knew he was gonna do this but I can't help feeling disappointed. It is what it is.
As usual, my REW, you are awesome and our hero!!!
I get so upset when I read comments on news stories on Facebook. For example there was a accident where a 20 year-old was going around 80 mph and hit a car. The guy on the motorcycle and a 6 year-old child that was in the car both died. It's tragic but the focus was on only the child getting killed.
People were saying all kinds of things about the guy. Like he deserved it for breaking the law and things similar. I'm not a good debater but I wanted to comment on there asking if any of them ever did something stupid or dangerous as a kid. He did something stupid that ended tragically for both families but that doesn't make him a low life or his family. People are so judgemental and cruel it makes me sick!
What this experience does is to make us better people. We realize you don't know the real story, you don't judge. You are more compassionate unless a stupid person says un thought out, un caring things. Then we BLAST THEM
Before I met my man, I didn't give much thought to prisoners. They just weren't a part of my daily life. I was raised to think for myself but not judge others for thinking a different way. I raised to act on my own but not judge other for act ping on their own. I have a.ways beloved that most people, even prisoners, are not evil.
When I met my man, he was honest and told me that he was about to go to jail. Now I really see how most of "those people" really are. They are mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, boyfriend and girlfriends. They are regular people, just who made a mistake or two that they now pay for. My man is no differnt, he made a mistake and now he is paying for it. If he were raised in a different lifestyle, like my own, he wouldn't be in there right now. But he is, that doesn't make him a bad person, he's a goal d man who made a bad choice. Simple as that.
I am never judgmental, but I may have looked at it differently before I got involved in all of this.
Yes, there are SOME that are bad. Most are not. Where mine is, they are in for drunk driving and drug problems. People don't understand that some people are genetically predisposed to have addiction issues. It's not just black and white. There are reasons people act like they do sometimes. And yes, family history plays an important part in why we do what we do, also. Plus environmental factors along with financial. That;s another discussion though.
I have learned to see people for more who they really are. Not what may have or may not of done, to be arrested.
Hugs,
Pat
I feel like I am expected to remove my boyfriend from my life since he did a bad thing. But he isn't a bad person. He just made a mistake. Thanks again your post gave me the strength to get threw this weekend.
It's up to you when you start socializing. It's hard at first, getting used to them being gone, going places alone, seeing happy couples, trying to pretend you are ok. Just give yourself time to do what you have to do for yourself. Then after awhile, don't just sit around, find things that take your mind off it for a little while, things you somewhat enjoy.
It's really hard to find any joy in anything during this kind of thing, but you have to, to keep yourself and him sane through it all.
The majority of inmates fall into four categories----
1) They have a substance abuse problem whether it is with alcohol or drugs which contributed to their criminal behavior. I don't think it is evil to have a drug or alcohol problem. They need treatment more than prison. When we get smart and figure out that addiction is a medical problem and not a criminal justice problem, we will be better served.
2) They are mentally ill. The biggest offender is bipolar depression and most of these crimes are committed when an offender has not taken his meds properly and been thrown into the manic state of the bipolar episode. At that point, they are obsessive, irrational, and do things that they might not normally do if they were properly medicated or do things that are just plain stupid.
In younger people, I have noticed that inmates have a much higher incidence of ADHD and especially autism which contributes to their problem. Again, I don't think having a mental disability is evil.
3) Some do not have the tools to live in society without problems. The uneducated inmates----most of the inmates in my classes had less than an eighth grade education and some could not even read or write---the inmates who have never had a decent home life with someone to instill the proper values to be successful, and those that have ZERO self-esteem fall into this category. Being illiterate and lacking the tools to fit in does not equate to being evil.
Being the product of broken homes and a dysfunctional family contributes greatly to this problem. I saw a lot of that, especially in the younger African American inmate population.
4) Those that, for some reason or another, just make a terrible mistake with very poor judgment. Shooting at your wife's lover in a divorce dispute, having a few drinks and driving into a crowd of people, and thinking it is a good idea to leave a paper trail of bad checks are some examples.
These people just made horrific decisions that cause them to be in prison. They are not really evil, but they have made mistakes.
There are people who commit violent crimes in prison. Prison is not Sunday School especially the medium security prisons.
But the evil rapist who preys on women or the guy who premeditates the murder of another person are not the types of your typical inmates.
We should be locking up those that we are truly scared of instead of those we are just mad at. But we don't.
If we followed that advice, we would not have every penitentiary in the United States bursting at the seams with thousands more waiting in the county jail to be transferred to prison.
We could save a lot of money to be used on our citizens----better healthcare, better education, better medical for the children, more opportunities for minorities, better roads, etc. But that is a subject for another time.
rewdiazepam
PS As for my "discussion" with the busybody, sometimes we have to put them on the defensive to show then we will not be browbeaten and that we refuse to allow them to rob us of our dignity and self-respect.
Hang in there posters, you are doing fine.