Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
I am a guy who discharged a 20 year sentence in prison, so maybe I can shed some light on your situation.
Most inmates are very insecure. Many have lost family, their self-esteem is gone, all their finances have dried up, and now they are in the one place nobody really wants to be----in prison locked up, day after day, week after week, and year to year.
Couple that with the fact that they are sent to a facility to shower, work, and eat with a bunch of fellow inmates, many of whom they don’t like. They also realize that most of the world will most likely dislike them for being an inmate once released and you have the recipe of a man with tortured feelings.
The woman he loves is on the outside. Since his self-esteem is shot, he may wonder himself why you stay with him and love him. Many inmates do not even like themselves, so it is difficult to figure out why someone else cares about them.
All these negative feelings lead to doubts and bouts of just “being in the dumps.” So, to sort of test their woman, they will tell her “to find someone else” or will pick a fuss with her over some trivial matter. If the woman says that she still loves him and she does not want anyone else, then that is an affirmation that she will not be leaving him and the relationship is secure, which is what the inmate wants to hear.
Sometimes they will subconsciously pick a fight just to see how far they can go before you get mad enough to threaten to leave. It is their way to see how strong the relationship really is. Sometimes they are unreasonable, as prison is an unreasonable existence where nothing really makes a lot of sense.
Of course, he does not want you to find someone else, nor does he want to break up with you; but he does have to be reminded that you will not leave him and desert him as most of the world has.
Many of you have said you don’t understand your guy, meaning you don’t understand why he does or why he thinks the way he does. Of course you don’t----you have never been in prison.
The inmate and the woman he loves on the outside waiting for him are living in two entirely different worlds. You will never quite understand how he might feel, since you have never been to prison. Conversely, he will never realize the responsibilities you have out here as he is not here to see what you are going through. For this reason, prison relationships are especially difficult. It takes a lot of patience and understanding to have a worthwhile prison relationship.
I work in prison reform; Suchaslife and Gregsbaby know who I am as I post over here periodically.
The problem with many inmates is that they don’t fully appreciate what their woman does for them out here, which leaves the woman feeling neglected and taken for granted. They never fully appreciate that you are doing the time just as he is.
A couple of years back, I posted on a DS board the following information in response to a young lady who was having problems with a disrespectful man---whom she loved----in prison.
Here is the link to the post----
Read the entire thread. It is lengthy, but it has a lot of insight from both sides of this issue.
rewdiazepam
No everyday isn't going to be sunshine and rainbows, however life is way too short and tomorrow isn't promised to us (my late husband was murdered for those that don't know) for us to be arguing/fussing/fighting over stuff that's not even important. I'm thankful my guy and I have overcome that hurdle, no it wasn't easy and it was honestly me much more than him! So when your guy is fussing it's not about you, tell him you love him and keep it moving to something positive!
Life will always throw you curveballs and give you lemons, but it's up to you to make lemonade or just let them pile up and finally collapse leaving a bigger mess; meaning our men have given us a pitcher of lemons but in between wanting to whip their butts, we must continue to make lemonade. I hope that makes sense :) :)
I only do one on one private mentoring thru messenger only if anyone needs anything talk, advice, opinion or anything else welcome to message me. Otherwise I wish you all the best of luck in each of the situations.