Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Many times I hear mothers, wives, girlfriends, and family members saying how fearful they are for their sons or husbands in prison. I know that it is normal to fear something you have never experienced and don't understand.
Unless a person has been to prison, he can never fully experience what it is like.
But, ladies, prison is not THAT bad. Nobody physically abuses inmates in there, and no, there is no mean old warden to contend with. The COs usually leave you alone if you mind your own business.
Trust me, your loved one in prison is probably handling this much better than you are.
Prisons are made up of people---inmates----just like you and I. They have the same emotions you and I experience. Most inmates are not monsters or professional criminals. In fact, in today's environment, many criminals are much like the son, husband, or family member you worry about.
TV shows and the movies like to dramatize almost everything to attract viewers, as that increases their profit. Prison is not like you see on TV.
Nobody would be very interested to watch a prison program if they made a realistic movie actually showing what goes on in prison. It would, for the most part, be boring. Such a program would only show guys in there working crossword puzzles, watching TV, playing cards, or just sitting around talking; they guys are just killing time until they can go home.
Inmates go to work at a job just like everyone else and then they go back to the cell.
Yes, at a medium security prison it does get wild at times, but not often.
It is difficult to truly understand what your loved one goes through in prison, as most former inmates will not talk about it, and those who do tend to embellish it. After all, it makes them look tougher if they can make you think they survived living hell in there.
Prison is not Sunday School, but it is not hell on earth either.
The vast majority of people do fine in prison. Sex offenders have to be very careful, but even that only applies to a medium security prison
For the most part, the inmates who get really hurt in prison are those that are into activities such as the drug scene, gambling, snitching, borrowing and unable to pay, or being disrespectful.
Inmate just do not go up to another inmate and start beating him up for no reason.
To get beaten up or stabbed in prison an inmate almost has to ask for it.
So, ladies, try to relax if you have a loved on behind bars. It is not nearly as bad as you think.
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Unless a person has been to prison, he can never fully experience what it is like.
But, ladies, prison is not THAT bad. Nobody physically abuses inmates in there, and no, there is no mean old warden to contend with. The COs usually leave you alone if you mind your own business.
Trust me, your loved one in prison is probably handling this much better than you are.
Prisons are made up of people---inmates----just like you and I. They have the same emotions you and I experience. Most inmates are not monsters or professional criminals. In fact, in today's environment, many criminals are much like the son, husband, or family member you worry about.
TV shows and the movies like to dramatize almost everything to attract viewers, as that increases their profit. Prison is not like you see on TV.
Nobody would be very interested to watch a prison program if they made a realistic movie actually showing what goes on in prison. It would, for the most part, be boring. Such a program would only show guys in there working crossword puzzles, watching TV, playing cards, or just sitting around talking; they guys are just killing time until they can go home.
Inmates go to work at a job just like everyone else and then they go back to the cell.
Yes, at a medium security prison it does get wild at times, but not often.
It is difficult to truly understand what your loved one goes through in prison, as most former inmates will not talk about it, and those who do tend to embellish it. After all, it makes them look tougher if they can make you think they survived living hell in there.
Prison is not Sunday School, but it is not hell on earth either.
The vast majority of people do fine in prison. Sex offenders have to be very careful, but even that only applies to a medium security prison
For the most part, the inmates who get really hurt in prison are those that are into activities such as the drug scene, gambling, snitching, borrowing and unable to pay, or being disrespectful.
Inmate just do not go up to another inmate and start beating him up for no reason.
To get beaten up or stabbed in prison an inmate almost has to ask for it.
So, ladies, try to relax if you have a loved on behind bars. It is not nearly as bad as you think.
rewdiazepam
I leave there after visits and am sad he is in there. So confined, so tired of it. But I go home and feel helpless for my life circumstances too. Only difference is I can go anywhere I want, and I can buy what I need and visit people.
He is wise indeed.
I can just see him now----away from everyone else reading a book or doing his crafts.
He is doing what is the secret to doing time----he is "making his own happiness" in there. A smart inmate can sort of "create his own little world" in there and make it easy on himself.
Too many young inmates want to act like some kind of professional convict. My goal the first day I hit the yard was to go home. I was not in there to prove anything to anyone.
As I said, the violence in prison is overstated in the movies, but prison remains a dreary place to be----bad food, loss of freedom, no privacy, inmates you can barely tolerate, and a basketful of rules.
The loss of freedom is something you never forget and never having any privacy is tough.
And, of course, a big secret to serving time in prison is having a frame of mind which continues to remind you every day that "this is not forever."
So, everyone, just hang on. This will be over someday----I guarantee it.
rewdiazepam
Less trouble...and thank God.
MY WORST nightmare was for my son to go to prison.
But when he was there..he was the healthiest...and most happy I had seen him in years.
No sense being a tough guy. That's just stupid. Where does it get you? Nowhere but in THE HOLE.
He just does his time, thinks about things that he can do to help me get through this, and himself, and don't cause any problems for anyone.
He volunteers to work in the kitchen and has a job there. It doesn't make him much money, but it does give him a few bucks for canteen, and keeps him busy. His days went too long before he got the job.
Now he is so busy with the job and crafts his whole attitude is better. That and we got our visits finally. He has a purpose to his days now. If the others would learn that, everyone would be in a better mood.
They can't change how long they have, but they can change how it goes for them.
I just wanted to share this because it's not boring or quiet or easy in any way.
He only has 68 days left.
I typed this post out and I did not realize that I had already posted a couple of times on this thread, so much of what I have to say has been said before, but I may have included some new ideas.
Anything to give you wonderful ladies some comfort while your loved one is gone.
I have been to several prisons, minimum and mediums, and not once did I encounter the violent environment on a 24/7 basis--a continual basis, day in and day out--- like you see on Lockup.
I saw some of the situations that you see on Lockup, but is was not an everyday occurrence like you see on Lockup. If you are to believe everything you see on Lockup, inmates have nothing to do but go around raping and stabbing each other. Prison is not like that. Maybe once in a while, but you learn to stay out of the way of the idiots.
And also prison rape is sort of an urban myth. Unless your loved on is at someplace like Riker's Island, rapes are rare.
And the only violence you ever see is in a medium security prison. The inmates in minimum security prisons are very laid back since their time is short and they desperately want to go home, not get into fights, which would delay their release.
The Lockup program dramatizes prison to attract more viewers. In fact, if they made a TV series of how it really is in prison, particularly the minimum security prisons, nobody would watch as it would be boring. Most people in prison have a day job and when they go back to the cell at night, most work crossword puzzles, play cards, or watch TV just to pass the time until they can go home.
Don't get me wrong, there are some bad guys in prison, but to really get hurt you have to do something stupid like snitch, get into debt, or show disrespect to the other inmates; some inmates can get targeted because of their charges.
I do a lot of support work with sex offenders and their families----the mothers, wives, and the immediate family. I work very hard with the offender and the family if the offender has been convicted with a sex crime and headed to prison. Most inmates detest sex offenders and those whose crime is against children, as many inmates were abused themselves as children. So I am conscious of the problems sex offenders have in prison and I continually work on that aspect.
Mothers, wives, girlfriends, and the loved ones of inmates are of course worried about their safety in prison----and rightly so. But most of their ideas of prison is based on TV or the movies.
I always tell the people I try to help this indisputable fact---throughout the history of this country, hundreds of thousands of men and women have gone to prison and come out fine. There is no reason anyone else cannot.
When I think of these prison terms for our loved one's, I am reminded of a line in an old song----"Ain't no such thing as always." This too will be over someday.
Just take one day at a time, take baby steps, and have faith.
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PS If anyone is ever concerned about their son or husband going to prison, just message me and we will address those fears. I spend more time over at the Daily Strength "Families of Sex Offender" board, but any message you send me will reach me.
And as Angela expressed, the prison her guy is at is an exception as it is a special prison run like boot camp. Most prisons are not like that.
And, God Bless you all.
He works 8 hours a day - is taking classes for typing/CAD to better himself and has me to talk to and tv to watch and games to play.
He just knows not to get involved with the wrong people and keeps to himself and knows who has his back and doesnt.
When I go to visit him, I meet the people he talks about and hangs with - so that is comforting to know he has made 'friends'.
He has about 3 years to go - you just have to keep your hope up and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and soon - this will all be over.